Margaret, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and rejoin the world again.  I figured enough time had passed since the election and surely Trump had finally made that pivot and started acting like a President. So I tuned in to CNN and…


Now, I’m not sure if Meryl Streep is overrated.  I mean she’s no Scott Baio, I’ll give you that.  But that’s really not the point, is it?  The point is that the man-child about to become our next President couldn’t come up with a better retort than that?  

“Meryl Streep is one of the most overrated actresses…”  as a comeback has about as much intellectual maturity as “I know you are, but what am I?”  And he couldn’t even do it in 140 characters.  It took him 16 minutes and 417 characters to write the literary equivalent of “I’m made of rubber and you’re made of glue.”  Good Lord, he can’t even use an ellipsis correctly. 

 Three dots, Donald. Three.

Honestly, ten monkeys banging on ten typewriters could have come up with a better response in less time.  And it should come as no surprise that Trump had already forgotten a year earlier telling the Hollywood Reporter that “Meryl Streep is excellent.”  We can only hope a year from now the man also forgets he was elected President and just wanders back to Trump Tower never to return to Washington.  Of course that would leave us with Pence…

Three dots, Donald.  Three.

But it’s really not about Streep being overrated as an actress or Trump being outperformed by a group of typing chimpanzees.  It’s about the fact that Trump actually did mock a disabled person.  It’s about the fact that disrespect really does invite disrespect, and violence really does incite violence.   And when the powerful use their position to bully others we all really do lose.

Trump made fun of and imitated a disabled person.  It’s all on video and rather than believing what we all can see, we are being told we didn’t actually see it.   Just like we are told that Meryl Streep is the most excellent……….. No wait……..  Meryl Streep is the most overrated……. No wait…..

Three dots.  Three.

I just might have to tune out again, Margaret.  If only because I am beginning to think that we would have been better off electing those ten chimps instead of this asshat.  I mean it.  Really.

Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 22, 2016

Thanksgiving Letter to the Family 2016

Dear Family,

I look forward to seeing you all for Thanksgiving.  This will be my last Thanksgiving as the head cook and bottle washer.  Next year, God willing, I will sit back and relax while the next generation takes the lead.  Until then, you’re going to have to humor me one last time.

As always you can leave your electronic devices in the basket by the door and I suggest you do the same with your political opinions.  My turkey has both white and dark meat.  That means at my table you can be someone who voted for Donald Trump but you do not need to be someone who acts like Donald Trump.   If you don’t heed my warning, you’ll get the store-bought pies Gertrude brings rather than my homemade ones.

This year I learned that it takes all kinds.  For that reason, I am broadening my horizons and opening my mind to the fact that some of you have certain dietary concerns.  So listen close.  If you are avoiding fat, sugar, sodium or gluten you should be concerned.  If you are vegetarian, I think you might be able to forage enough on the table to make a meal.

We have two new babies in the family.  What a joy.  The back bedroom is the perfect get-away for naps, but an inside trashcan is the wrong place for dirty diapers.   Put your disposable diapers in a trash bag and take them all the way to the can outside.  Thanksgiving is on a Thursday and the trash truck doesn’t come until the following Tuesday.  That’s six days of smell I do not need.   Double bag them and bury them deep so I don’t see them.

Football is on all day long.   The television is not.  When the meal is ready the set is off, and it doesn’t go back on until the last person is done with their meal.  God forbid we actually talk to one another.

Kids come in all shapes and sizes.  Guess what?  So do cups.  If your child isn’t going to finish their first drink, then they don’t really need a second one do they?  I am not a woman who likes to waste food – liquid or otherwise.   And speaking of otherwise, plates should be full at the beginning and empty at the end.  Take a little of everything you like as long as you plan to finish it.  Once everyone has had the chance to eat, you are welcome to go back for seconds.

You were all so kind to offer to bring something.  I was so kind as to say bring nothing at all.  But if you insist on arriving with a dish, make sure it is table ready.  I have two ovens and four burners.   All of them will be in use.   Turkey and stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes with cream and butter, sweet corn, green bean casserole, candied yams, peas in sour cream, cranberries, homemade bread,  apple and pumpkin pies.  Honestly.  What else is there to bring?

Cloe, I am tired of fighting with you, dear.   Feel free to bring that disgusting dish you call Jell-O-salad.  I question if it is really either.   Honey, no one is going to eat it so make sure you have the appropriate container to take it back with you.  I don’t need that left-over mess staring at me every time I open my fridge.  However, if you want to make it with orange Jell-O this year, we can call it Trump Dump and at least laugh with you rather than at you.

Mary, honey, you’ve given me a goodly number of great grandchildren.   Precious gifts from heaven, each and every one, especially that middle one who looks the spitting image of your late Grandfather.   But honey, you and your husband made the decision to have all those children and, therefore, you must suffer the consequences.  Parenting is a full-time job.  You don’t get to take time off when you get to my house just because it’s a holiday.  Little feet stay on the floor and off the furniture. Red drinks and other liquids that stain should either be avoided or consumed outside.  My nice things stay out where I can see and enjoy them.  Your children’s hands stay off.  “Yes” is not the only word in the dictionary.   There is also “No” and “Because-I-said-so” (all one word).  But for the love of God, you have to mean it when you say it.

I don’t know what a selfie is.  I don’t pose for the camera anymore because the camera doesn’t love me anymore.  If you want a picture of me, take one off the wall. If you do get one of me this holiday, spare me.  I don’t need to see it unless you have one of those appy things that makes me look 50 years younger and 50 pounds skinnier.

I love each and every one of you and I am so glad to have yet another holiday together.  Come hungry and leave full.  Hug one another because you can.  Argue if you must, but then agree to disagree.  Try something new or let go of something old.  Give more.  Take less.   Oh hell.  Listen to me rattle on like I am some sort of philosopher.  Screw it.   Come for the food and stay for the company.  Everything else can be made better with gravy.  I mean it.  Really.
(Note:  The death of Margaret has been greatly exaggerated.)

Margaret, maybe we have this all wrong.  Maybe the big news didn’t happen on Tuesday.  Maybe it was Wednesday.  They say Trump woke a sleeping giant, but maybe that giant didn’t wake up before the election.  Maybe it woke after the election when we all finally realized that everything we hold true and dear about this nation can indeed be taken away. Maybe, just maybe the sleeping giant is actually the millions  who trusted in hope and love instead of those who walked into a polling booth and secretly voted for hate and fear.

I saw a map today of voters age 18-25.  The map was shockingly blue from coast to coast and even in the middle.  Could this be true?  And if so, how do we ensure those voters don’t become jaded?

I am not sure what is next for Margaret & Helen but we are not dead yet.  And I’ll be damned if we go down without a fight. We’ll promise to try and hold on until 2020 if you promise to hold on with us. 

First up, 2018 midterms.  We’ll be here.  Will you?

Whomever we are and whatever color we are, and whatever age we are, and whatever gender we are, and whatever sexual preference, religious belief, city or town, church, mosque or synagogue… we are awake now. And this is our country.

We are battle worn but not battle weary.  Someone has to watch that skunk Trump and keep him in line.  And someone has to watch the Republican powerhouse and make sure they don’t overreach.  Our elected Dems need us now more than ever. 

Wake up!  Wake up! I mean it.  Really.

Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 9, 2016

This too shall pass… like a kidney stone.

Dear Hillary,
We are so proud of you. Take some time off, dear. We’ll take it from here.  
Dear Readers of Margaret & Helen,

Our greatest work starts now. If you have a neighbor who has been targeted this election, hug them and remind them that this is still their America too. If you have a neighbor who voted for Trump, congratulate them on their win and then move on.

In their wisdom, the Founding Fathers prepared us for this. Call your local Democratic office today and ask them how you can get involved. Washington moves mercifully slow. We have two years to take Congress away from this man and four years to restore our dignity.

Our Democracy is stronger than one man and one election. This grand experiment we call the United States has not failed. It has just begun. 

Today we heal.

Tomorrow we act.

2018 we correct.

2020 we redeem.

We broke it and now we must fix it. The world is counting on us.  I mean it. Really.

Margaret, I love you.  We will survive, but now it is up to the next generation.  If we raised them right, they will find the good in people and this country will find a way forward.

 It is my hope that my daughters will one day see a woman as President.  Like Hillary, we have fought the good fight for the right reasons.  That spirit does not die tonight.  It lives on in the next generation of strong, confident, smart women. Thank you Hillary. I wish we could have broken that ceiling together.

Hang in there.  I mean it.  Really.

Posted by: Helen Philpot | October 10, 2016

An educated person knows crap when they see it

Margaret, I’ve never been one to hold my tongue and that’s not going to change now. Hillary couldn’t say it because she understands the office she aspires to hold. I, however, am not running for President. And therefore…

Donald Trump, you fat-ass, lying son-of-a-bitch. Hillary Clinton doesn’t need to give you or anyone else an explanation for her husband’s behavior anymore than Ivana, Marla or Melania need to explain yours. The idea of sexual assault that you promoted is not a distraction. It is an extremely important issue and to suggest otherwise tells me everything I need to know about you. You are the worst kind of man. You are a man who objectifies and belittles women. For God’s sake you thought it was funny that another man called your daughter a piece of ass.

William Jefferson Clinton is not on the ballot. Hillary Clinton is your opponent. And tonight she grabbed you by your tiny little Johnson and effectively ended this election. You will never be President. Bless your heart,  no matter how much you demean and belittle women, karma is about to be a bitch for you because women will be the reason you fail.

And Mike Pence, you are the worst kind of politician because you wrap yourself in your sanctimonious religious beliefs to legislate your will on others until your religion gets in the way. Then you conveniently kick it to the curb. Suddenly, now you are back on the Trump Train? So 24 hours is all it takes for you to dismiss  sexual assault?  As a reminder Mike, he said he can grab women by the pussy anytime he wants.  If that is what goes on in locker rooms then men should be ashamed. And for the record, Donald doesn’t look like he’s seen the inside of a locker room in decades.

Welcome to your new hell, Mike. Let us know how much you like being forced to carry something to term against your will.  Check for a heartbeat, dear.  You’ll find that Donald doesn’t have one.

The Republican party brought this upon themselves.  They spent decades convincing their base that government is evil, forgetting the whole time that they are a part of that government.  As a result,  the base gave you Trump and now you and all of us are stuck with him.

Donald, throwing your opponent in jail is classic dictatorship. No wonder you admire Putin so much.  You want to be just like him.  You are aware that the President can’t force his will on the people, aren’t you?  You don’t get to toss people you don’t like in jail.  You don’t even get to grab women by the pussy.

The bullshit that comes out of your mouth is astounding. You can’t even keep your insults straight.  After months of claiming Hillary doesn’t have the stamina to be President, you ended the debate by talking about how much you admire that she never gives up and she is a fighter.  I am convinced your constant sniffling is a result of years sniffing glue. That seems to be the only explanation for the bizarre, nonsensical, disconnected stream of words that fall out of your mouth.  No one has more respect for women??? He said that.  No one?  Clearly anyone who doesn’t forcefully grab them by the pussy has more respect and I hope for damn sure that would be the majority of humanity.

This November the American people need to leave Donald Trump and Mike  Pence on the ash heap of history where they belong.  And please, for the love of God, let’s put Corey Lewandowski there too. I mean it.  Really.

Margaret, Melania Trump is speechless at this point because Michelle Obama has never had to respond to an Obama infidelity.  And Donald is now speechless because if Hillary is responsible for Bill’s infidelity then Melania no longer qualifies to be First Lady.

To all my Republican friends out there, please tell me which item below was the tipping point for you:

Donald Trump says that President Obama is not a citizen of the United States.

In a presidential debate, Donald Trump brags about the size of his penis.

After a presidential debate Donald Trumps suggests the moderator was on her period because she asked unfair questions. 

Donald Trump makes fun of a disabled person.

Donald Trump calls 11 million immigrants rapists and murderers.

Donald Trump calls for a ban on an entire religion.

Donald Trump glorifies war.

Donald Trump glorifies a dictator.

Donald Trump suggests more countries should have nuclear weapons.

Donald Trump says that women who have abortions should be punished.

Donald Trump picks a fight with a Gold Star family and suggests he has sacrificed as much.

Donald Trump says not paying taxes makes you smart.

Donald Trump calls Miss Universe fat.

Donald Trump boasts that as a celebrity he can do whatever he wants with women.

Scratch that last one.  I misspoke.  What I meant to say is Donald Trump thinks when you are a star you can do whatever you want including grabbing a married woman by her pussy.

Donald Trump is disgusting.  I mean it. Really.

Margaret, the problem I have with Donald Trump is that he actually believes his shit doesn’t stink.  And the problem I have with his supporters is that they are pretending nobody just stunk up the bathroom.   Honey, have you seen these lunatics that keep going on TV to either defend or otherwise try to make sense out of the things he says? I have to wonder if they they can still look at themselves in the mirror these days.  Of course, there’s a good chance they no longer have a reflection. 

Now they are celebrating that Mike Pence can walk and chew gum at the same time.  Bless his heart but Pence was so tied in knots that I’m pretty sure he no longer knows whether to check his ass or scratch his watch at this point. He spent the whole night claiming that Donald Trump didn’t say what we all have heard him say.  If we learned anything at all from that debate it’s that Tim Kaine really likes being Hillary’s running mate and Mike Pence has never met Donald Trump.

Donald is a dying breed, that one. He actually believes that a woman’s only value is her looks. He comes from that fading era when women stayed at home to have kids and clean house and once our figure was gone, we were at the mercy of a forgiving husband as to whether to keep us or not.  Trump really believes this bullshit about women. When Hillary called him out about his insults, he didn’t say it was a poor choice of words or  that he had regrets.  He said, in a Presidential debate, that Rosie was mean and she deserved it… and then he tweeted like a teenager all night that Miss Universe had indeed gotten fat.

Trump actually believes that all blacks live in one neighborhood in every town and they wake up each morning to gun shots.  According to Trump, they all live in hell and the only thing that is going to make it better is more police and more jails.  I am not making this up.  His spokespeople can go on the news all day long and say what he really meant but that doesn’t change what he actually said.  For crying out loud, we don’t need interpreters.  We have the Internet.  As my son says all the time – Google it.

He truly believes that all Muslims – American citizens or not – should be forced to register with the government so they can be put under surveillance.  He has implied that they really shouldn’t be allowed to be here at all.   And his solution for imigration – for a country of immigrants – is a huge wall that would forever be a scar disfiguring our otherwise great country.  No wait. I should have just said “our country” because according to Donald Trump we are not a great country anymore.

Trump thinks Putin is a great leader because he has great control over his country. Yep. He said that. Nevermind that Putin is a dictator, am I the only one worried that Donald thinks the President of the United States is supposed to control us? Good Lord but what world does that man live in?  And does he really think his supporters want to be controlled?  They don’t even like being told to use seat belts or that President Obama isn’t a Muslim.

But back to the debate… Let’s not forget that Mike Pence was supposed to be defending Trump… defending  a man who made fun of a disabled person.   The reporter Trump mimicked has a disability that limits the use of his arms and restricts his joints.  It’s called arthrogryposis and Trump actually mocked and made fun of his appearance in front of a crowd of supporters at one of his hillbilly rallies.  Let me repeat that.   Donald Trump, while running for President, made fun of a disabled person by mocking the way he looks. And Donald didn’t just say it, he said it and acted it out in front of television cameras.  It’s no wonder Pence didn’t attempt to defend his running mate. How does anyone continue to support this man?

But seriously, what did we really just learn?  We learned that even Mike Pence  can’t get through a debate without offending an entire ethnic group. I’m not sure what that Mexican thing was, but I am for damn sure Donald Trump actually said:

They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

He doesn’t know if any of them are good people.  He just assumes some might be. How very open minded of him. Was that the Mexican thing Senator Kaine whipped out, Govenor Pence?

And did anyone else catch Mike’s defense that Hillary is worse because she insulted half of Trump’s supporters and Donald only insulted one Miss Universe.  Uhmm, let’s do the math:

Half of Trumps’s supporters is about 7 million (based on primary voters) or if we believe current polls it could be 25 million Americans who are about to vote for him .

To Pence’s credit, that is indeed a lot of people to have insulted.  To her credit, Clinton has said she was wrong to have said it and regretted it.  But let’s look at Trump’s ever growing talley:  

US Generals – 652

African Americans – 37 million

Population of Mexico – 120 million

Disabled people worldwide – 1 billion

Muslims – 1.6 billion

Women (all weights) – 3.5 billion

To date, Trump has issued no apologies. In fact, while Pence was declaring that Clinton ran a campaign of insults, Trump was tweeting insults not about what Kaine said but about the way Kaine looked.

We also learned that Mike Pence believes his religious beliefs should be turned into law so that women can’t make their own religious decisions.  And we learned that Mike Pence is clueless as to how many children are still waiting in foster care to be adopted (over 400,000) or that nearly 23,000 thousand kids age out of foster care every year in the United States alone.  

If we really have become a country where it doesn’t matter what you say as long as you look good while saying it, then we might deserve what we get.  My gut tells me it’s just the media keeping us intested for the sake of ratings. At least I hope it is.  

Mike Pence might have indeed won the debate by successfully avoiding the questions.  But Tim Kaine was the only one that night who got to leave with his dignity still intact.  I mean it.  Really.


Go see Silver Skies


Margaret, I wish there was a word to adequately describe Donald Trump. For the first time, I regret calling Sarah Palin a bitch.  Not because she isn’t – she is and so am I – but because I realize now the power of that word.  It concerns me that we have a word like bitch – which seems to fit so perfectly for Sarah and for me – and yet we don’t have the equivalent word to describe a man like Trump.  Donald Trump is a…

Asshole?  Yes.  But that’s almost a compliment for him and is certainly not gender specific.

Fat ass?  Well, sure. But then again, so am I.

Jackass?  You bet.  But even that lacks the gender clarity that bitch has.

Considering everyone actually has an ass, I don’t think that word is going to pass muster for a good descriptor for Trump. We could descend into other body parts but Lord knows I don’t need to hear yet another conversation about Donald’s unmentionables. 

Donald J. Trump is not a decent person, and his indecency cannot be simplified down to one word.  All the worst words seem to fit but the whole of Donald Trump is just greater than the  sum of  all those words. Clearly the man is not right in the head. He is fundamentally flawed – Big League. But a word to describe him escapes me.

We now know that he humiliated a 19-year-old girl because she didn’t conform to his definition of beauty. No positive encouragement when she gained weight – public humiliation was Trump’s choice for corrective action.  One woman out of billions was crowned Miss Universe that year and Donald still found a way to criticize her looks.  This man is a misogynist, yes, but that one word falls way short when you consider he also made fun of a disabled person and attacked the grieving parents of a soldier killed in battle only to then accept someone else’s Purple Heart and joke how easy it was to get.  I didn’t make any of this up, honey. This man is a…

I still can’t find the word.

Before the debates, I was watching the news, something akin to watching an episode of the Twilight Zone these days, and a member of Trump’s campaign team, Kellyanne something, casually mentioned Hillary’s questionable health.  As if Hillary is going to drop dead at any minute, but Trump, a sniffling sack of cholesterol, is the epitome of fitness.  So here is my question: Are we concerned about her health because she is old or because she is a woman or both?  Either way, the fact that Republicans even care about a woman’s health is truly remarkable considering up until now they’ve been closing down women’s health clinics faster than Chris Christie closes bridges.

I saw a movie last night that I wish everybody could see.  In a year where two senior citizens are running for President, no one is talking about the real health, financial and social  concerns that senior citizens face every day.  Thank goodness Rosemary Rodriguez made her movie,  Silver Skies.  At least somebody is having the conversation.

But with Donald we get conversations about sexism, racism, egoism… Anything but humanism and humanitarianism. How is this race even close?  

Donald thinks he won the debate and he is now stating that Hillary Clinton is stuck in the past.  This from a man who wants to roll back civil rights, remove reproductive rights,  reverse environmental protections, and decrease the minimum wage. Bless his heart but that man is a…

Damn it.  What is the word?

Now I hear in the next debate Donald plans to attack Hillary for how she handled her husband’s infidelity. According to Rudy Giuliani, Trump should have done it in the first debate. This from two men who have had 6 wives and at least four affairs between them. Giuliani is definitely an asshole.  The word just fits him. But Trump…. Trump is… Trump is a… 

Maybe Hillary  can have a summit with the three Mrs. Trumps and the three Mrs. Giulianis to determine how best to handle the issue of infidelity. I bet they all can’t decide if there is one best way to handle such a personal issue, but I bet they all would agree that Donald probably shouldn’t have an opinion on the matter.

I guess Trump is simply TRUMP.  He is just too foul for words.  I mean it.  Really.

I believe the word you are looking for is Asshat.  Oh, and I am glad you saw Silver Skies.  I just love George Hamilton and doesn’t Mariette Hartley still look fantastic.  Too bad those two aren’t running for President.

Posted by: Helen Philpot | August 16, 2016

Trump is a chump.

Margaret, the media keeps reminding us that two-thirds of Americans think that the nation is headed in the wrong direction.  Of course, they never seem to tell us what direction that is.   Why are we assuming that it means we are unhappy with Obama? Considering there are more registered Democrats than Republicans and 37% of the population is not white, do you think – just maybe – that a good portion of that percentage actually thinks the nation is headed in the wrong direction because of Republicans?  And considering she is wiping the floor with Trump in the polls, exactly why do we keep beating the dead horse that Hillary is so unlikable?   I happen to like her… a lot.

Trump received 13 millions votes in the Republican primaries.  That’s more than any Republican has ever received. Ever. Wow. That seems like a big deal.  No wonder the media covers Donald Trump like ducks on a June bug.  

Except for one thing…

Hillary Clinton got 16 million.  Hell, Bernie Sanders got almost as many votes as Donald Trump.  And yet, the current polls are big news because Donald Trump is behind?  If you think about it, the only big news is that Donald Trump is still big news.  That and the fact that some people still want to vote for him.  Well that’s the liberal media for you.  Considering Fox News has as many viewers as CNN and MSNBC combined, this liberal media bias bullshit is just that… bullshit.  The reason that news coverage of Donald Trump is so negative is because there isn’t anything positive to say about Donald Trump.

It’s not what you know, but who you know.  My late husband used to say that.  In truth, it’s what you know about who you know that really matters.  We’ve now known Hillary Clinton in the political world for 30+ years.  We’ve known Donald Trump in the political world for one year. So what have we learned?

After one year, we have learned that Donald Trump:

  • Makes fun of the disabled 
  • Is a racist
  • Is a misogynist
  • Doesn’t understand why we haven’t used nuclear weapons if we have them
  • Prefers Putin to Obama
  • Enjoys the writings of Hitler
  • Would bring back water-boarding
  • Makes most Trump products overseas
  • Won’t disclose his tax returns
  • Thinks it’s funny to joke about presidential assassinations
  • Makes fun of the disabled
  • Used lawsuits to stiff small businesses
  • Thinks it’s a good idea to argue with parents who have lost a child to war
  • Thinks women who have abortions should be punished
  • Is proud of his penis and gets defensive when it’s size is questioned
  • Thinks President Obama founded ISIS- an organization started before Obama was a Senator much less President
  • Makes fun of the disabled
  • Didn’t realize Russia invaded the Ukraine but when pressed said it was a good thing
  • Is good at business but better at bankruptcy
  • Discussed the idea of dating his own daughter because she’s his type
  • Thinks women who face sexual harassment at work should just find another career
  • Wishes people at political rallies would be allowed to beat one another up when they disagree
  • Makes fun of the disabled
  • Doesn’t consider American prisoners of war to be heroes because they were captured
  • Doesn’t know what the KKK is and therefore really isn’t sure if he should decline their endorsement 
  • Always wanted a Purple Heart – so much so that he accepted one from a vet and joked about how much easier it was to get it that way
  • Makes fun of the disabled 
  • Wants a litmus test for  what it means to be an American
  • Doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state
  • Wishes he was black today because being black today would give him an advantage – but doesn’t want a black man counting his money. He only wants Jews for that.
  • Thinks women in the workplace don’t give him 100%.  They give him 84% because 16% goes towards taking care of the kids
  • Doesn’t do “the email thing” which is probably the best thing about him
  • Makes fun of the disabled

And what have we learned about Hillary Clinton after 30 years  in the political spotlight… after numerous Republican led investigations… after hours and hours of testimony in front of Republican controlled Congressional committees… after an exhaustive FBI investigation… what have we learned?   We’ve learned that Hillary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell shouldn’t have used their personal email servers while serving as Secretary of State.  Oh, the horror of it all.

Trump is a chump.   I mean it.  Really.

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