Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 9, 2016

This too shall pass… like a kidney stone.

Dear Hillary,
We are so proud of you. Take some time off, dear. We’ll take it from here.  
Dear Readers of Margaret & Helen,

Our greatest work starts now. If you have a neighbor who has been targeted this election, hug them and remind them that this is still their America too. If you have a neighbor who voted for Trump, congratulate them on their win and then move on.

In their wisdom, the Founding Fathers prepared us for this. Call your local Democratic office today and ask them how you can get involved. Washington moves mercifully slow. We have two years to take Congress away from this man and four years to restore our dignity.

Our Democracy is stronger than one man and one election. This grand experiment we call the United States has not failed. It has just begun. 

Today we heal.

Tomorrow we act.

2018 we correct.

2020 we redeem.

We broke it and now we must fix it. The world is counting on us.  I mean it. Really.


Margaret, I love you.  We will survive, but now it is up to the next generation.  If we raised them right, they will find the good in people and this country will find a way forward.

 It is my hope that my daughters will one day see a woman as President.  Like Hillary, we have fought the good fight for the right reasons.  That spirit does not die tonight.  It lives on in the next generation of strong, confident, smart women. Thank you Hillary. I wish we could have broken that ceiling together.

Hang in there.  I mean it.  Really.

Posted by: Helen Philpot | October 10, 2016

An educated person knows crap when they see it

Margaret, I’ve never been one to hold my tongue and that’s not going to change now. Hillary couldn’t say it because she understands the office she aspires to hold. I, however, am not running for President. And therefore…

Donald Trump, you fat-ass, lying son-of-a-bitch. Hillary Clinton doesn’t need to give you or anyone else an explanation for her husband’s behavior anymore than Ivana, Marla or Melania need to explain yours. The idea of sexual assault that you promoted is not a distraction. It is an extremely important issue and to suggest otherwise tells me everything I need to know about you. You are the worst kind of man. You are a man who objectifies and belittles women. For God’s sake you thought it was funny that another man called your daughter a piece of ass.

William Jefferson Clinton is not on the ballot. Hillary Clinton is your opponent. And tonight she grabbed you by your tiny little Johnson and effectively ended this election. You will never be President. Bless your heart,  no matter how much you demean and belittle women, karma is about to be a bitch for you because women will be the reason you fail.

And Mike Pence, you are the worst kind of politician because you wrap yourself in your sanctimonious religious beliefs to legislate your will on others until your religion gets in the way. Then you conveniently kick it to the curb. Suddenly, now you are back on the Trump Train? So 24 hours is all it takes for you to dismiss  sexual assault?  As a reminder Mike, he said he can grab women by the pussy anytime he wants.  If that is what goes on in locker rooms then men should be ashamed. And for the record, Donald doesn’t look like he’s seen the inside of a locker room in decades.

Welcome to your new hell, Mike. Let us know how much you like being forced to carry something to term against your will.  Check for a heartbeat, dear.  You’ll find that Donald doesn’t have one.

The Republican party brought this upon themselves.  They spent decades convincing their base that government is evil, forgetting the whole time that they are a part of that government.  As a result,  the base gave you Trump and now you and all of us are stuck with him.

Donald, throwing your opponent in jail is classic dictatorship. No wonder you admire Putin so much.  You want to be just like him.  You are aware that the President can’t force his will on the people, aren’t you?  You don’t get to toss people you don’t like in jail.  You don’t even get to grab women by the pussy.

The bullshit that comes out of your mouth is astounding. You can’t even keep your insults straight.  After months of claiming Hillary doesn’t have the stamina to be President, you ended the debate by talking about how much you admire that she never gives up and she is a fighter.  I am convinced your constant sniffling is a result of years sniffing glue. That seems to be the only explanation for the bizarre, nonsensical, disconnected stream of words that fall out of your mouth.  No one has more respect for women??? He said that.  No one?  Clearly anyone who doesn’t forcefully grab them by the pussy has more respect and I hope for damn sure that would be the majority of humanity.

This November the American people need to leave Donald Trump and Mike  Pence on the ash heap of history where they belong.  And please, for the love of God, let’s put Corey Lewandowski there too. I mean it.  Really.

Margaret, Melania Trump is speechless at this point because Michelle Obama has never had to respond to an Obama infidelity.  And Donald is now speechless because if Hillary is responsible for Bill’s infidelity then Melania no longer qualifies to be First Lady.

To all my Republican friends out there, please tell me which item below was the tipping point for you:

Donald Trump says that President Obama is not a citizen of the United States.

In a presidential debate, Donald Trump brags about the size of his penis.

After a presidential debate Donald Trumps suggests the moderator was on her period because she asked unfair questions. 

Donald Trump makes fun of a disabled person.

Donald Trump calls 11 million immigrants rapists and murderers.

Donald Trump calls for a ban on an entire religion.

Donald Trump glorifies war.

Donald Trump glorifies a dictator.

Donald Trump suggests more countries should have nuclear weapons.

Donald Trump says that women who have abortions should be punished.

Donald Trump picks a fight with a Gold Star family and suggests he has sacrificed as much.

Donald Trump says not paying taxes makes you smart.

Donald Trump calls Miss Universe fat.

Donald Trump boasts that as a celebrity he can do whatever he wants with women.

Scratch that last one.  I misspoke.  What I meant to say is Donald Trump thinks when you are a star you can do whatever you want including grabbing a married woman by her pussy.

Donald Trump is disgusting.  I mean it. Really.

Margaret, the problem I have with Donald Trump is that he actually believes his shit doesn’t stink.  And the problem I have with his supporters is that they are pretending nobody just stunk up the bathroom.   Honey, have you seen these lunatics that keep going on TV to either defend or otherwise try to make sense out of the things he says? I have to wonder if they they can still look at themselves in the mirror these days.  Of course, there’s a good chance they no longer have a reflection. 

Now they are celebrating that Mike Pence can walk and chew gum at the same time.  Bless his heart but Pence was so tied in knots that I’m pretty sure he no longer knows whether to check his ass or scratch his watch at this point. He spent the whole night claiming that Donald Trump didn’t say what we all have heard him say.  If we learned anything at all from that debate it’s that Tim Kaine really likes being Hillary’s running mate and Mike Pence has never met Donald Trump.

Donald is a dying breed, that one. He actually believes that a woman’s only value is her looks. He comes from that fading era when women stayed at home to have kids and clean house and once our figure was gone, we were at the mercy of a forgiving husband as to whether to keep us or not.  Trump really believes this bullshit about women. When Hillary called him out about his insults, he didn’t say it was a poor choice of words or  that he had regrets.  He said, in a Presidential debate, that Rosie was mean and she deserved it… and then he tweeted like a teenager all night that Miss Universe had indeed gotten fat.

Trump actually believes that all blacks live in one neighborhood in every town and they wake up each morning to gun shots.  According to Trump, they all live in hell and the only thing that is going to make it better is more police and more jails.  I am not making this up.  His spokespeople can go on the news all day long and say what he really meant but that doesn’t change what he actually said.  For crying out loud, we don’t need interpreters.  We have the Internet.  As my son says all the time – Google it.

He truly believes that all Muslims – American citizens or not – should be forced to register with the government so they can be put under surveillance.  He has implied that they really shouldn’t be allowed to be here at all.   And his solution for imigration – for a country of immigrants – is a huge wall that would forever be a scar disfiguring our otherwise great country.  No wait. I should have just said “our country” because according to Donald Trump we are not a great country anymore.

Trump thinks Putin is a great leader because he has great control over his country. Yep. He said that. Nevermind that Putin is a dictator, am I the only one worried that Donald thinks the President of the United States is supposed to control us? Good Lord but what world does that man live in?  And does he really think his supporters want to be controlled?  They don’t even like being told to use seat belts or that President Obama isn’t a Muslim.

But back to the debate… Let’s not forget that Mike Pence was supposed to be defending Trump… defending  a man who made fun of a disabled person.   The reporter Trump mimicked has a disability that limits the use of his arms and restricts his joints.  It’s called arthrogryposis and Trump actually mocked and made fun of his appearance in front of a crowd of supporters at one of his hillbilly rallies.  Let me repeat that.   Donald Trump, while running for President, made fun of a disabled person by mocking the way he looks. And Donald didn’t just say it, he said it and acted it out in front of television cameras.  It’s no wonder Pence didn’t attempt to defend his running mate. How does anyone continue to support this man?

But seriously, what did we really just learn?  We learned that even Mike Pence  can’t get through a debate without offending an entire ethnic group. I’m not sure what that Mexican thing was, but I am for damn sure Donald Trump actually said:

They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

He doesn’t know if any of them are good people.  He just assumes some might be. How very open minded of him. Was that the Mexican thing Senator Kaine whipped out, Govenor Pence?

And did anyone else catch Mike’s defense that Hillary is worse because she insulted half of Trump’s supporters and Donald only insulted one Miss Universe.  Uhmm, let’s do the math:

Half of Trumps’s supporters is about 7 million (based on primary voters) or if we believe current polls it could be 25 million Americans who are about to vote for him .

To Pence’s credit, that is indeed a lot of people to have insulted.  To her credit, Clinton has said she was wrong to have said it and regretted it.  But let’s look at Trump’s ever growing talley:  

US Generals – 652

African Americans – 37 million

Population of Mexico – 120 million

Disabled people worldwide – 1 billion

Muslims – 1.6 billion

Women (all weights) – 3.5 billion

To date, Trump has issued no apologies. In fact, while Pence was declaring that Clinton ran a campaign of insults, Trump was tweeting insults not about what Kaine said but about the way Kaine looked.

We also learned that Mike Pence believes his religious beliefs should be turned into law so that women can’t make their own religious decisions.  And we learned that Mike Pence is clueless as to how many children are still waiting in foster care to be adopted (over 400,000) or that nearly 23,000 thousand kids age out of foster care every year in the United States alone.  

If we really have become a country where it doesn’t matter what you say as long as you look good while saying it, then we might deserve what we get.  My gut tells me it’s just the media keeping us intested for the sake of ratings. At least I hope it is.  

Mike Pence might have indeed won the debate by successfully avoiding the questions.  But Tim Kaine was the only one that night who got to leave with his dignity still intact.  I mean it.  Really.


Go see Silver Skies


Margaret, I wish there was a word to adequately describe Donald Trump. For the first time, I regret calling Sarah Palin a bitch.  Not because she isn’t – she is and so am I – but because I realize now the power of that word.  It concerns me that we have a word like bitch – which seems to fit so perfectly for Sarah and for me – and yet we don’t have the equivalent word to describe a man like Trump.  Donald Trump is a…

Asshole?  Yes.  But that’s almost a compliment for him and is certainly not gender specific.

Fat ass?  Well, sure. But then again, so am I.

Jackass?  You bet.  But even that lacks the gender clarity that bitch has.

Considering everyone actually has an ass, I don’t think that word is going to pass muster for a good descriptor for Trump. We could descend into other body parts but Lord knows I don’t need to hear yet another conversation about Donald’s unmentionables. 

Donald J. Trump is not a decent person, and his indecency cannot be simplified down to one word.  All the worst words seem to fit but the whole of Donald Trump is just greater than the  sum of  all those words. Clearly the man is not right in the head. He is fundamentally flawed – Big League. But a word to describe him escapes me.

We now know that he humiliated a 19-year-old girl because she didn’t conform to his definition of beauty. No positive encouragement when she gained weight – public humiliation was Trump’s choice for corrective action.  One woman out of billions was crowned Miss Universe that year and Donald still found a way to criticize her looks.  This man is a misogynist, yes, but that one word falls way short when you consider he also made fun of a disabled person and attacked the grieving parents of a soldier killed in battle only to then accept someone else’s Purple Heart and joke how easy it was to get.  I didn’t make any of this up, honey. This man is a…

I still can’t find the word.

Before the debates, I was watching the news, something akin to watching an episode of the Twilight Zone these days, and a member of Trump’s campaign team, Kellyanne something, casually mentioned Hillary’s questionable health.  As if Hillary is going to drop dead at any minute, but Trump, a sniffling sack of cholesterol, is the epitome of fitness.  So here is my question: Are we concerned about her health because she is old or because she is a woman or both?  Either way, the fact that Republicans even care about a woman’s health is truly remarkable considering up until now they’ve been closing down women’s health clinics faster than Chris Christie closes bridges.

I saw a movie last night that I wish everybody could see.  In a year where two senior citizens are running for President, no one is talking about the real health, financial and social  concerns that senior citizens face every day.  Thank goodness Rosemary Rodriguez made her movie,  Silver Skies.  At least somebody is having the conversation.

But with Donald we get conversations about sexism, racism, egoism… Anything but humanism and humanitarianism. How is this race even close?  

Donald thinks he won the debate and he is now stating that Hillary Clinton is stuck in the past.  This from a man who wants to roll back civil rights, remove reproductive rights,  reverse environmental protections, and decrease the minimum wage. Bless his heart but that man is a…

Damn it.  What is the word?

Now I hear in the next debate Donald plans to attack Hillary for how she handled her husband’s infidelity. According to Rudy Giuliani, Trump should have done it in the first debate. This from two men who have had 6 wives and at least four affairs between them. Giuliani is definitely an asshole.  The word just fits him. But Trump…. Trump is… Trump is a… 

Maybe Hillary  can have a summit with the three Mrs. Trumps and the three Mrs. Giulianis to determine how best to handle the issue of infidelity. I bet they all can’t decide if there is one best way to handle such a personal issue, but I bet they all would agree that Donald probably shouldn’t have an opinion on the matter.

I guess Trump is simply TRUMP.  He is just too foul for words.  I mean it.  Really.

I believe the word you are looking for is Asshat.  Oh, and I am glad you saw Silver Skies.  I just love George Hamilton and doesn’t Mariette Hartley still look fantastic.  Too bad those two aren’t running for President.

Posted by: Helen Philpot | August 16, 2016

Trump is a chump.

Margaret, the media keeps reminding us that two-thirds of Americans think that the nation is headed in the wrong direction.  Of course, they never seem to tell us what direction that is.   Why are we assuming that it means we are unhappy with Obama? Considering there are more registered Democrats than Republicans and 37% of the population is not white, do you think – just maybe – that a good portion of that percentage actually thinks the nation is headed in the wrong direction because of Republicans?  And considering she is wiping the floor with Trump in the polls, exactly why do we keep beating the dead horse that Hillary is so unlikable?   I happen to like her… a lot.

Trump received 13 millions votes in the Republican primaries.  That’s more than any Republican has ever received. Ever. Wow. That seems like a big deal.  No wonder the media covers Donald Trump like ducks on a June bug.  

Except for one thing…

Hillary Clinton got 16 million.  Hell, Bernie Sanders got almost as many votes as Donald Trump.  And yet, the current polls are big news because Donald Trump is behind?  If you think about it, the only big news is that Donald Trump is still big news.  That and the fact that some people still want to vote for him.  Well that’s the liberal media for you.  Considering Fox News has as many viewers as CNN and MSNBC combined, this liberal media bias bullshit is just that… bullshit.  The reason that news coverage of Donald Trump is so negative is because there isn’t anything positive to say about Donald Trump.

It’s not what you know, but who you know.  My late husband used to say that.  In truth, it’s what you know about who you know that really matters.  We’ve now known Hillary Clinton in the political world for 30+ years.  We’ve known Donald Trump in the political world for one year. So what have we learned?

After one year, we have learned that Donald Trump:

  • Makes fun of the disabled 
  • Is a racist
  • Is a misogynist
  • Doesn’t understand why we haven’t used nuclear weapons if we have them
  • Prefers Putin to Obama
  • Enjoys the writings of Hitler
  • Would bring back water-boarding
  • Makes most Trump products overseas
  • Won’t disclose his tax returns
  • Thinks it’s funny to joke about presidential assassinations
  • Makes fun of the disabled
  • Used lawsuits to stiff small businesses
  • Thinks it’s a good idea to argue with parents who have lost a child to war
  • Thinks women who have abortions should be punished
  • Is proud of his penis and gets defensive when it’s size is questioned
  • Thinks President Obama founded ISIS- an organization started before Obama was a Senator much less President
  • Makes fun of the disabled
  • Didn’t realize Russia invaded the Ukraine but when pressed said it was a good thing
  • Is good at business but better at bankruptcy
  • Discussed the idea of dating his own daughter because she’s his type
  • Thinks women who face sexual harassment at work should just find another career
  • Wishes people at political rallies would be allowed to beat one another up when they disagree
  • Makes fun of the disabled
  • Doesn’t consider American prisoners of war to be heroes because they were captured
  • Doesn’t know what the KKK is and therefore really isn’t sure if he should decline their endorsement 
  • Always wanted a Purple Heart – so much so that he accepted one from a vet and joked about how much easier it was to get it that way
  • Makes fun of the disabled 
  • Wants a litmus test for  what it means to be an American
  • Doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state
  • Wishes he was black today because being black today would give him an advantage – but doesn’t want a black man counting his money. He only wants Jews for that.
  • Thinks women in the workplace don’t give him 100%.  They give him 84% because 16% goes towards taking care of the kids
  • Doesn’t do “the email thing” which is probably the best thing about him
  • Makes fun of the disabled

And what have we learned about Hillary Clinton after 30 years  in the political spotlight… after numerous Republican led investigations… after hours and hours of testimony in front of Republican controlled Congressional committees… after an exhaustive FBI investigation… what have we learned?   We’ve learned that Hillary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell shouldn’t have used their personal email servers while serving as Secretary of State.  Oh, the horror of it all.

Trump is a chump.   I mean it.  Really.

helen-mug1 FROM HELEN:

Margaret, I watched that jackass in Cleveland and lost my voice.  I saw a Presidential nominee paint a picture of an America I don’t know and have never known. I tried to respond but I couldn’t find the words. I watched his wife lie to a reporter saying that she had written every word of her speech.  When she hadn’t, I watched the media say it wasn’t her fault. I tried to respond but couldn’t find the words.  I listened to children who have known only life’s riches praise a father who had made his riches by cheating others.  I tried to respond but I couldn’t find the words.  I watched an audience shout down a Senator when he told them to vote their conscience.  I tried to respond but I couldn’t find the words.  I watched amazed as Trump got more popular rather than less and truly I couldn’t find the words.   But last night, I watched a battle-worn President who had been unjustly treated and unfairly maligned rise above it all.  I watched Barack Obama, my President, paint a different picture, a beautiful picture of hope, kindness, forgiveness and humility.  And now I am going to respond because I have indeed found my words.  Screw you, Mr. Trump.  You better give your heart to Jesus because your butt is mine and I plan to kick your ass from the bottom floor to the top floor of Trump Tower and then down again.   As I live and breathe, you will never be President.  Never.

I have always said that even when I watch my P’s and Q’s, I can still spell bullshit.  Eight years ago, Sarah Palin walked onto the world stage and American politics hit a new low.   I saw a bitch and I called her a bitch. Trust me.  She spewed hatred, fear and ignorance better than any hillbilly I had ever known. I have no regrets for calling her a bitch.  Palin was a joke.  Trump, however, is no joke.  He is the real deal when it comes to divisive politics. Trump has an ego the size of my ass (and trust me when I tell you that is one yuuuuuuuuge ass).  Everything he does is for selfish reasons, fueled by greed and motivated by power.

Salty language and a strong opinion don’t bother me.  Saying what’s on your mind is usually a good thing.  Usually.  But what’s on Trump’s mind isn’t fit for human consumption. It’s just hatred, fear and plain old racism.  He put together a carnival in Cleveland to make the case that America has become a horrible place that no longer has time for political correctness.  But I am here to tell you that speaking your mind and being politically correct are not mutually exclusive.  Political correctness is having the emotional intelligence and decency not to use language, evoke images or take actions that marginalize, offend or otherwise insult people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against.  Kind of sounds like something Jesus would support if you ask me.

The America he described is not the America I know.  In fact, it’s not the America anyone knows.  The rest of us know an America of hard-working, compassionate people who no longer have time to hate and who don’t aspire to harass and humiliate their fellow countrymen.  The America we know wants to end poverty, end war, educate our children and take care of our elderly. We welcome diversity because we are and always have been the world’s great melting pot. Our America has been and always will be great.  Trump sees America as some ugly girl just waiting for him to take her to the prom.  It’s bullshit and we all know it.

Trump takes offense that President Obama and Secretary Clinton don’t use the expression Extreme Islamic Terrorist,  suggesting, I guess, that all Islamic people are terrorist but some are just more extreme.  Funny.  Whenever another old, white man blows up an abortion clinic, I don’t hear anyone calling him an Extreme Christian Terrorist.  Why?  Because you don’t attribute the bad actions of a few Christians to the entire Christian faith any more than you should attribute terrorism to the entire religion of Islam.  You don’t, of course, unless you are trying to stir up a bunch of ignorant mouth breathers that have been drawn to the talk radio/Fox News/Sarah Palin/Michelle Bachman brand of Republicanism that is today’s Republican base. Trump’s America seems to be one filled with roaming bands of brown gypsies raping and pillaging at will.  I guess the view from Trump Towers is somewhat skewed when you watch Fox News and listen to talk radio all day.  To him, there is evil in anyone who doesn’t bow to his perceived greatness.

Trump is partly right.  Evil is indeed alive and well in America.   It’s just not as widespread as he would like to scare us into believing.   It seems to be alive and well in about 4% of the population –  roughly equal to the number of votes cast for Trump during the primaries.   Coincidence?  I think not.   And funny enough, the worst of them all decided to travel to Cleveland last week.

Donald.  You sir are no Reagan. You are no Kennedy. No Clinton. You are no Obama.  You aren’t even a Bush. You are a self-aggrandizing, hatred-spewing, lying sack of shit.  And yes, I realize that my name- calling is just as bad as yours.  But I am not running for President.  You are.   So be a man and act like it.  Sadly, I sincerely doubt you can.

The Republican Party, the party that likes to think it has a monopoly on God, family values and patriotism, owes America an enormous apology.  Palin was bad enough, but Trump is inexcusable.  I mean it.  Really.


Helen, you had better sit down for this.  I have news.  It’s happened and we’ve both lived to see it. After watching three nights of the Democratic convention, my Howard woke up this morning and told me that he, a dyed in the wool Republican, will be voting for Hillary Clinton in November.

Helen, dear, I have now seen it all and I am planning to wear my Sunday best everyday because i could now drop dead at any given moment.  He’s with her.  I couldn’t be happier.  You should be too.  Have some pie. We’ve got this.

(PS from Helen – for those of you who ask if you can copy my writings – just like when I bake a pie, it’s always better when shared)


Posted by: Helen Philpot | June 30, 2016

Trump on Terrorist – If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em 

Margaret, which voters have their heads farther up their asses, Trump supporters or Brexit voters? Wait a minute.  Is it farther or further? I don’t know, but either way the asshats they are now wearing aren’t  making anyone great again.

I know I offended some Bernie fans when I posted my support of Hillary.  But let’s be clear on how the cow ate the cabbage.  We need to get on the same team or we’re gonna end up a lot deeper in the shitter than the Brits. If Donald Trump wins this election, the only Bern anyone will be feeling is heartburn. 

Donald thinks the way to handle terrorists is to fight fire with fire. According to him, water boarding is bad but it’s no worse than what the terrorist do. So Donald’s plan to deal with terrorists is to be more like the terrorists?  In my book, that’s kind of like solving gun violence by giving more people guns.  No wait…

You know what?  I give up.  If violence is your answer then you are too stupid to be asked the question in the first place.  Donald’s response to terrorism is torture. His response to a global  financial crisis is to celebrate the increase in greens fees at his Scottish golf club.  His response to abortion is to punish the woman.  His response to immigration is racism.  His response to Orlando is to double down on racism. His response to a debate question about sexism is to attack the female moderator.  His response to a disability is to mock the disabled.

I’m willing to agree to disagree with the Bernie supporters about who is the better Democratic nominee.  In the end, I think we can find common ground.  But Donald doesn’t like common ground because he can’t develop it for a profit.  News Flash: his supporters aren’t looking for common ground.  They (and their leader) seem to prefer scorched earth.

I wish I had something funny to write.  I really do.  But this isn’t funny anymore.  I mean it.  Really.

Margaret,  think nothing of it, dear.  This place is as much your place as it is mine.  Matthew says he can post the letter from your nephew here.  I have no idea how many people will read it, but I think it is a beautiful letter and should be shared.   Harold and I had many disagreements about the Catholic Church, but even he would have been upset by this.

In a world where politics can divide us so sharply into two colors, one would hope the church could paint a lovely canvas of how we should be.  Sadly, the separation between church and state is razor-thin, and cuts from the church are so painful.

I mean it.  Really.

The following is a letter written by Margaret’s nephew. I have removed the names to spare the bride any embarrassment. ~ Matthew

Dear Father _____,

My name is ______.  I am a member of a large family that has a long and rich history with your parish.  My father’s family is one of the founding families for both your town and your parish.  I am writing to you today after attending my niece’s wedding this past weekend.  I am sure you were aware that it was a wedding ceremony only and not a mass because the groom’s family is Methodist.  Because of that, and because the bride comes from a very large family, I would have hoped that your words that day would have been welcoming and accepting of people from various backgrounds and beliefs.

I am gay.  I attended the wedding with my husband.  We were legally married in the State of Texas last December on our 15th anniversary as a couple.   We attended the wedding with our daughter whom you might have seen turning the pages of sheet music for the pianist.  That pianist is my goddaughter.   Her mother is my sister-in-law. She was raised by two women.  She was not raised Catholic but converted when she married my brother.  You also might remember the very emotional Maid of Honor.  That was my other goddaughter, the sister of the bride.  One of the groomsmen was my nephew.  In addition to his having two gay uncles, he has a lesbian aunt on his mother’s side.   His mother and father and their other children also attended the wedding.  His sisters were married at your beautiful church as well.  In fact, the bride’s brother, my nephew, was also married at your church.  Many of our long-time family friends also attended.  

Most of the guests that day were seeing us for the first time since we announced our marriage.   You might be surprised at how many congratulations and hugs were exchanged in the back of the church when we arrived.  My cousin gave me a hug and let us know that her daughter, another goddaughter of mine, wished us well.  Her daughter is in a same-sex relationship.   Everyone was so welcoming and kind to us.  That is what families, friends, and decent people should do when they see one another.

I am not sure why you decided to use my niece’s wedding as the time to speak out against same-sex marriage, but needless to say your unkind words upset many of the wedding guests that day.  The fact that you linked your most unwelcoming tone to the teachings of Pope Francis was particularly sad as I had, in recent years, begun to think that maybe I might one day feel a little bit of comfort being back in the church of my childhood.  I guess the Pope’s words of welcome, forgiveness and healing have simply been good sound bites for the press.

Father, you can rest assured that I am now even more resolved that there is no place in the Catholic Church for me or my family. After listening to you, I am even more content with my decision not to raise my daughter in the church.   Two sisters-in-law, a brother and two nieces let me know that evening that they are also done with the Catholic Church.  I guess if your plan was to turn people away from the church while blemishing an otherwise beautiful day for the bride, then you can feel good in your accomplishments.

Please know that I am not angry with you nor do I expect any sort of response.   In my own way, I have forgiven you as I would forgive anyone who speaks from a place of ignorance.  I actually feel sorry for you as I am sure it is difficult to follow in the footsteps of Christ when you are filled with such judgment and unkindness.  Maybe in the future you can save your politically charged comments for a regular mass instead of a wedding where there are surely many guests who are not Catholic.  But how sad that your words are not always comforting and kind.

At a time when our country and the world is filled with such violence and unkindness to people of different backgrounds and cultures, it would be nice to think that the church could be a place of peace, comfort and love.  At a time when we see our politicians spewing words of hatred against other candidates’ wives, fathers and family members, it would be nice to think that church is a place where families can come together and not be judged.  It would be nice, but that isn’t what I experience in your church.  Of all the places to have felt discrimination and hatred, a house of worship should have been safe.  It was not.

My only lasting sadness about this is for the bride who had to sit there and listen to you speak so unkindly about her family.  And I am very disappointed as I had thought Pope Francis was having a more positive impact on the church.  I stand corrected.


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