Posted by: Helen Philpot | September 17, 2020

This old lady took the Trump IQ Test and she is smarter than the President. You can take the test here.

Margaret, there is a new test out to determine if you are smarter than Donald Trump. I took it and, shockingly, he is a moron. You should take it too. It’s pretty simple but let me explain how it was developed.

President Trump [sic] told reporters that the US is doing very well with COVID. Despite our leading the world in deaths, Trump explained, “If you take the blue states out, we’re at a level that I don’t think anybody in the world would be at. We’re really at a very low level.”

If you take the Blue States out, America would be doing better than every other country. Key to this premise is that Blue States have to be taken out. Big Blue States like California which has the same number of deaths as Big Red Texas. Or Blue States like Illinois which has fewer deaths than Crazy Red Florida. Or Super Blue Colorado which has done better than Super Red Tennessee.

Remember when President Obama told us there were no red states and no blue states. There were just the United States.

Imagine that. I sure do miss him.

By the way, related but unrelated. There are reports that some White House staffers have tested positive. I offer thoughts and prayers. I’m not sure they are the right thoughts and prayers, but prayer is a deeply personal thing for me.

Anyway, back to the point of my story…

I know what you are all probably thinking. I am sure that Blue States would like nothing more than to get the hell out of Trump’s America. And you can be just as sure that Red States would love to see the Blue States go. Without the Blue States, there is even a slight chance Trump might win the popular vote this fall. From where I stand, for Trump the departure of the Blue States might be a win win. But sadly, the Red States simply can’t afford it. 

Any moron with half a brain knows that California, New York, and Illinois make up almost a third of the nation’s economy. Or another way to put it, 30% of the nation’s economy is driven by 6% of its states. To put a finer point on it, Texas PLUS Florida don’t add up to California. And without New York the Red Southern States would be broke in a month.

But I am kind of getting off track here. We are talking about COVID deaths in Blue States making Trump look bad. Don’t you understand? All you people dying are making him look bad. Just wear a damn mask and stop dying.  No. Wait.  Masks make him look bad.  Plus, waiters hate masks. Forget the masks. Just stop dying. Be more like Red States.

Let’s make this simple just in case any of Trump’s supporters are actually reading this.

Take Canada. Those idiots to our North with national healthcare, low gun violence, Anne Murray, a Prime Minister who looks stunning in a mask and a flag that is less offensive than a dress made from a pattern purchased at Hobby Lobby must be doing worse than the Red States. I mean that flag is the opposite of offensive. It’s a damn leaf. How tough can you be if your flag is a wussy maple leaf? So, let’s see how those idiots in Canada have been doing.

Canada has a population of roughly 37 million. They have seen 9,200 deaths from COVID.  That’s 24 deaths per 100,000 Canadians.  And don’t forget, Trump said this virus goes away with warm weather. Canada is a lot of things, but it is not warm. It’s a God damn sheet of ice. The average temperature is like 30 degrees below zero. Well, actually, I am not really sure what the average temperature is, but the lowest temperature ever recorded there was −63 °C. Google it and see it you can find the average temperature for Canada. It’s so bad they won’t publish it. And they report their temperature in C. What the hell is Celsius? Those bastards. Anyway, it’s cold and yet they have a COVID death rate of 24 per 100,000 or less than 10,000 total deaths for the entire country.

Let me pause here.

My sincere condolences to every single family who has lost a loved one… in Canada… in America… in the entire world. Truly. My heart goes out to you and I wish you peace. Why our President is unable to show anything resembling sympathy is beyond me. So, on behalf of 68% of the American people, we are terribly sorry. And we are thankful that your rate isn’t worse. And your Prime Minister really is stunning in a mask. You are lucky to have someone who leads by example.

But speaking of death rates that are worse…

Trump said, “…we’re at a level that I don’t think anybody in the world would be at.”  If you take out the Blue States.

OK.  Simple civics.  Simple math.

Simple civics:  One nation under God, indivisible.

Simple math: Canada wins.

  • Mississippi rate per 100,000 is 92
  • Georgia rate per 100,000 is 60
  • Florida rate per 100,000 is 60
  • South Carolina rate per 100,000 is 60
  • Alabama rate per 100,000 is 51
  • Texas rate per 100,000 is 50

In fact, if Canada was a state it would rank 35th out of 51. Alaska does better which is really odd because Alaska is just a bunch of frozen water. And some trees. It has trees. But not the exploding kind. And mountains. Alaska is lovely, really. Those Red States are lucky to have Alaska. Birthplace to Sarah Palin. But the Blue States have Hawaii. Thank God for Hawaii. Birthplace to President Barack Obama… we think.

Other countries that are doing better than Red States:

  • Argentina – 24
  • Honduras – 21
  • Iraq – 20
  • Kuwait – 13
  • Germany – 12
  • Finland – 6
  • Australia – 3
  • Kenya – 1

In fact, 43 countries are doing better than Trump’s Red States. It could be more. There were so many, I just stopped counting.

But hey, here is some good news. The United States under President Trump is doing better than Peru.  #MAGA.

So, about that new test. The one that can determine if you are smarter than Donald Trump… It’s an amazingly simple test.  You add up all those numbers and you get one question. Oddly enough it’s a Math Word Problem.


If two trains pull away from a station at the same time and one is going south at a rate of 15 miles per hour and the other is going north at a rate of 20 miles per hour and Donald Trump is the Engineer on one of the trains, do you get on the train without Donald Trump or do you just kill yourself at the station?

Answer: Donald Trump lies. Absolutely don’t get on the Trump train because it will fucking kill you. I mean it. Really.

(Want more? Follow Margret and Helen on Twitter @HelenPhilpot)

We don’t control the ads on this space. If you see an ad for Trump, remember he doesn’t have to pay for it unless you click on it.


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  3. […] Margaret and Helen, at it again. […]


  4. IQ test? The “presidential” debate should have blamed that IQ notion to kingdom come. And the COVID diagnosis and “treatment” by a bunch of medicos who apparently forgot their oath and forgot to give tRump the meds that would nullify the steroids which, per a nurse a i know, can make you freaking crazy until they either wear off and you are still alive – or dead – possibly along with some other folks. Now tRump won’t debate unless its done his way or the highway. His highway means on masks, no social distancing and no rules whatsoever! The only other person inhibitory that I can think of who got so damn bad crazy with King George III of England who tried to kill his son and heir, the Prince of Wales, but Wales got away. We should be so lucky.


  5. The orange maroon squandered any sympathy I had for his illness when he peeled his mask off while still sick and exposed who knows how many more people
    So- I’m here to make a shout out to all the decent men in my community-You go guys!

    You’re the heavy equipment operators and truck drivers I see everyday in the shop where I work- manly men in their snappy masks.Thank you!

    You’re the commercial fishermen I see everyday- yup, them beards make masks tough but you’re wearing em! Thank you!

    You’re the produce guy at the market where I shop, the barista dude at the coffee bar, the young fellow at the gas station washing my windows- y’all look good in blue or red or black masks. thank you!

    You’re the teens slouching down the street in hoodies and them dang droopy britches who nonetheless look dang fine with them skull and dragon masks. Thank you!

    You’re the city bus drivers, delivery truck drivers, postal carriers- all of you who take your jobs and your community seriously enough to mask up. Thank you!

    You’re the avocado toast guys ( or whatever it is we call young professional men wearing suits these days- for some reason we have a handful of them here in Alaska though I have no idea what they do)-those masks look good fellas. Thank you!

    And you’re Tom the carpenter who’s still the sexiest man alive- mid 60s and twinkling eyes that make all women from 18 to 80 step a little lighter. Those eyes just twinkle all the more over that mask, my friend. Thank you!

    You’re the gents who aren’t wienies who worry about looking silly wearing a mask. Thank you!

    And Pfffftt! on the orange maroon and all the fragile dudes out there WHO CARE MORE ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK THEY LOOK LIKE than being loving spouses, fabulous fathers, good sons, and damn fine neighbors

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sr. Gomez, Karma does have two edges. We all know that. what a lot of folks completely disregard is that karma the sword also has a point.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Had we still been living in biblical times, current happenings would have been chronicled as events ordered by God. Stealing, a supreme court seat, and being presented with similar circumstances four years later, and reneging, bullying your way into nominating somebody at whose event several attendees got infected with COVID-19, strikes me as an act of God. If I were Judge Barrett, I would withdraw my nomination. As far as the 200,8000 of our fellow citizens who lost their lives because of ignorance, I hope you find some kind of solace on the other side. May your souls rest in lasting peace. Please forgive this leadership that has failed you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Enjoy your celebration now, just remember, karma is a two-edged sword.


  9. Karma has now hit the White House with a bang. Due to the fact that the offices in the White House are actually small and hold too many people, its n wonder that the CIC, his spouse and a whole slew of other people are now positive for the virus. One of those people was shepherding tRump’s choice for the Supreme Court all around Capitol. Yeah tRumpie, it was all going to go away, it was on the way out. Blah, blah, blah! Eat them words, toddler in chief! This is now a national security threat, there will be Senators going into isolation, and the SCOTUS nominee might even take her own self out of the equation. She has seven kids and I hear she is partial to them, so she won’t want to infect them. Karma, just plain old karma!


  10. I did not watch that debate Mageen. Of all the ones I have seen, none compares to this one. The ones from 4 years ago even do not compare. Even though he tried all he could to overshadow her, Hillary held her own. The man is shameless and was unruly. That is not how an adult acts.


  11. Easier, the only political debate I can recall that had even a smidgen of civility waa the Kennedy-Nison debate of so long ago I almost think I dreamt it.


  12. I am watching the debate and I am disgusted. No courtesy being shown and I expected nothing less. What a mess this is. Chris Wallace is really not up to the job.


  13. I know this will likely seem odd but the revelations of Trump’s tax returns this AM in the paper have given me a case of hilarity. I knew 40 years ago he was a (fill in the blank) because I had the opportunity to read business oriented magazines like Fortune 500 and INC. I know that right now he is having an entire herd of cows, and thats the best part of this experience! Of course, his base won’t understand a thing and still support him but WOW O WOW what a story!


  14. […] Helen write to each other. This week Helen suggests an IQ test involving Trump, coronavirus, and two trains going at different speeds in opposite directions. […]


  15. Bleep all Hell! The Golden Gibbon has been on the TV actually saying he will not have a peaceful transfer of power, that he will do everything he can think of to screw with the results if he loses and he will. I just received my mail in ballot yesterday. I was absolutely elated! I am going to complete it on Friday and take it directly to the County Elections Office. Early voting her in Virginia has been a slam bang hit! The lines are something else! I am way past the ability to stand forever in a socially distanced line to do any damn thing which is why I opted for the mail in version. There are Biden signs in areas where there used to be Trump signs. I would love to have a Biden sign on my lawn but I am having trouble getting one. They fly out the door as soon as they arrive in the box!


  16. Thank you for continuing to do this.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Hi Mageen,

    I am with you, so heartbroken over Justice RBG. She was so brave for holding out for so long, coping with successive bouts with cancer. She could have retired and wouldn’t do. How awesome is that? She truly was heroic. May she rest in a well deserved peace.

    As for that bunch with no honor, they wouldn’t even be remembered in the footnotes of history or if they are, it will be with contempt. How just four years ago they espoused one theory and to turn around and state the opposite now? They are an arrogant bunch with a propensity for expediency. They think the can go ahead and confirm a justice in the next few weeks before the elections while they wouldn’t even consider President Obama’s nominee four years ago, with Justice Scalia gone months before? History will not be kind to them.


  18. Great past. Thanks.


  19. “Alaska does better which is really odd because Alaska is just a bunch of frozen water. And some trees. It has trees. But not the exploding kind. And mountains. Alaska is lovely, really. Those Red States are lucky to have Alaska. Birthplace to Sarah Palin.”

    Au contraire, Helen. Sarah Palin was born in Idaho. Right in the middle of wingnut prepper militia country.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. And now RBG is dead! Look for the Golden Gibbon to stick somebody like Cruz into her seat! A pandemic, a depression and now we lose Ruth Bader Ginsburg! I was so hoping she would last until the new President is sworn in. Count on the invertebrates int he Senate not to lift a finger against the Golden Gibbon!


  21. I could have told you you were smarter than the orange boob without any test.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. As of yesterday, there are 9 countries doing worse than the US in deaths per million: San Merino, Peru, Belgium, Andorra, Spain, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Ecuador and the UK. So based on 193 countries recognized by the United Nations, there are only 183 out of 193 countries in the world who have a lower death rate based on population than the US. Now that’s something to be proud of!

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Thanks Helen! Great job as usual. Keep telling it. Maybe, just maybe, some lives will be saved if some of the anti-maskers chance upon this blog. I simply don’t understand why people have thrown caution to the wind on account of one man, who they can’t seem to get, is only in it for himself. I just don’t get it. They need to take this IQ test.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Helen, I just wanted to let you know that although we do actually have some warm weather here in Canada and are not an actual sheet of ice (all the time) none of us are offended by any of your notes on Canada. Please use us in any way you see fit to get rid of 45. Seriously, any way you want.

    Liked by 6 people

  25. Thank you for your kind words about Canada….we’re slipping right now….but so are all the other countries. And yes, our Prime Minister looks good with or without a mask….and I don’t vote for him! But he LEADS…..imagine that! The head of our country LEADS…and doesn’t lie…as a matter of fact, he hammers us with the truth. The truth being, mask up, wash up, social distance….if you don’t, you’re the problem ~ not the other way around. Great read – thanks! Stay safe!

    Liked by 5 people

  26. At the presser today a reporter said, “We have 4% of the world’s population and 22% of the Covid deaths. How is that a success?” Kayleigh’s answer? “We use different numbers.” I want her numbers. I may only be 29 instead of the 83 I think I am.

    Liked by 4 people

  27. Really enjoy your comments and your good research. Truth always wins in the end.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. @Jono: “Living a few miles from the Canadian border in a Blue state makes me wonder if I can be a refugee should the Orange Scourge remain in the White House. Maybe if I form a caravan with the other rapists, drug addicts, and murderers. Hope they don’t build a wall.”

    Hey! Me, too! Totally let’s caravan. If I recall correctly, Cape Breton had pretty much open entry, “we need people!” in 2016, but family issues kept me from being able to leave. Sure it gets a tad chilly, but fires and puppies work well for that. And the scenery is stunning!

    Regarding the wall … I’m thinking maybe now Mexico WILL build one to keep us out 😉

    And @Denise, I said that the very first time hearing MAGA. I’m like, which part? Cuz, yeah. What a dumb slogan.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Excellent post! Please keep writing them. There are so few positive things to look forward to these days.

    Liked by 2 people

  30. As always, you hit a homerun with this post!

    Liked by 2 people

  31. I can tell that this is written by different people. In the last campaign, Helen was fun to read. This now sounds like a Democrat diatribe. I mean it, really.


  32. You never fail me! Love reading all you write.

    Liked by 3 people

  33. Thank you, always! And please stay healthy.

    Sincerely, Margaret Mahoney

    On Thu, Sep 17, 2020 at 9:19 AM Margaret and Helen wrote:

    > Helen Philpot posted: ” Margaret, there is a new test out to determine if > you are smarter than Donald Trump. I took it and, shockingly, he is a > moron. You should take it too. It’s pretty simple but let me explain how it > was developed. President Trump [sic] told reporters tha” >

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Don’t forget that Canada also has Gordon Lightfoot. He and Anne Murray make up a formidable team of folk artists. They also have Great Big Sea and Ryan’s Fancy, known to those of us who love Scots/Irish folk style music. Ryan’s Fancy was very popular in the 70s, and Great Big Sea is still well known and worth the listen.


  35. Another great post!! Thank you.

    Another factoid I looked up for something else. Taiwan, you know that place that is just a hop, skip, and jump off the coast of China, unless of course you’re China’s President Xi, and then it’s a disorderly child…anyway,

    Taiwan has a population of ~24MM…and an INFECTION total of 503, and deaths of 7.

    This weekend when the US passes 200,000 deaths, think of that. If we in all our MAGA greatness had done the job of Taiwan, there would be less than 100 dead in the US…and oh by the way, they haven’t had a death since May.

    So VERY sad.

    Liked by 2 people

  36. […] can’t resist reprinting today’s entire post from Helen Philpot, she of the wonderful blog “Margaret and Helen“. It is epic. Enjoy! […]


  37. Thank you for your insightful commentary! It helps lighten the heavy mental load coming from Trump. I have never looked forward to an election day as much as this one. We need a blue wave to wash over this country and clean out the vermin.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Just discovered y’all. As an 80-year-old, I gotta ask: can we be best friends?

    Liked by 2 people

  39. Helen, you made my day! I needed a chuckle, and I love your simple test!

    Liked by 2 people

  40. MAGA
    You know, America (North, South, and Central) covers lots of countries. Like Canada and Peru and Mexico. We are the United States OF America, not the whole flipping’ continent.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. You are the BEST!


  42. Dear Helen

    I wanted to offer some comments on your latest note to Margaret. I am a big fan, and when something you say torques me off, I become an even bigger fan.

    As a resident of the People’s Republic of Massachusetts, I kinda felt slighted by not being included with California, Illinois, and New York. Not totally slighted, because I was born in New York, and would be living there still if not for the conditions of my parole.

    Massachusetts has a lot of skin in the game of making the United States the bestest of the best. Did you know that there are over 250 colleges and universities within 90 miles of Boston? I happen to know that several of those colleges originally thought about opening their campuses (campusi?) in Mississippi and Alabama but chose not to because there wasn’t anyone who could meet admission requirements in any of those states.

    Massachusetts has certainly been written about in more songs than Illinois. I mean, really- The Bee Gees wrote an entire song called Massachusetts. Who has Illinois got to write their song? Dan Fogelberg. I mean, he’s great, but he is no Maurice Gibb.

    Finally we have Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. And Thelma Todd and Leonard Nimoy. I don’t even think Illinois was a state when Leonard Nimoy was born.

    Who does Illinois have? I’ll tell you who… Ronald Reagan, who was so embarrassed to be from Illinois he tried to convince people he was from Holland by adopting the nickname ‘Dutch’.

    I’m not asking you to bump Illinois from your list. Just find a little space for Massachusetts.

    If Massachusetts was not part of the United States, Connecticut would butt up against Vermont- and that would be a culture shock that would register on the Richter Scale.

    Thanks for speaking truth to power.

    Yours in consideration Bruce Menin

    ‘It always works out in the end. If it isn’t working out, it isn’t the end.’


    Liked by 2 people

  43. To paraphrase (probably) and quote from someone (I forgot who) you are an inspiration and proof positive that while old age is always lethal it doesn’t have to be dull.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Many decades ago when I achieved a graduate degree in Psych, I was appalled at the so-called IQ test given in various situations and institutions. Its relevancy covered only a very small fraction of people. Slipping right on by were those who were parnoid, sociopathic and psychotic to the max. They could actually fake “normalcy”. Think about tht when envisioning hte prsent squatter in the White House. Yeah. He passed the test all rght. It was rigged in his favor. I am likely to go to my grave saing that.

    As for Canada, my darlings, if it wren’t for their fantastic rulings on COVID-19, it would be an easy ride. The lst time i looked Americans with Canadian family relations could only visit them if the family relations were in some sort of predicatment and needed the actual on-site help of the American relatives and even then you had a very limited time to do this.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. I love the Trump IQ test! I think I would have to kill myself at the station…or try to kill him as he boards.
    Excellent post, btw.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Bless you, how I needed a good laugh ! I have had to quit reading headlines as I was so depressed! I feel like breathing again!

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Living a few miles from the Canadian border in a Blue state makes me wonder if I can be a refugee should the Orange Scourge remain in the White House. Maybe if I form a caravan with the other rapists, drug addicts, and murderers. Hope they don’t build a wall.


  48. On-point as usual. I’m not as wise as y’all, yet, but so long as my mask is on and those freakin’ trumpanzee neighbors dunno I’m a liberal, I’ll get there soon. But I gotta pretty little teal 9mil and named her Ripley, cuz, ya know, just in case.

    As a professional writer myself, there are two minor things … remember has a B (ya know, like BLM; the black one, not the blue; this is when blue is bad, right?), and 3 states out of 50 is 6%.

    Love y’all! You’re truly an inspiration, and help me remember that maybe slitting my wrists due to all the bullshit going on isn’t the best idea. Just maybe this nasty woman might make a positive difference someday. Maybe.

    If y’all are interested, my twitter handle is @MAGAts_R_Dumb, and I already follow you on there, too. Albeit, not sure why WP shows me as a deleted or removed account, cuz, yeah, I’m definitely on there.


  49. Shirley – One of my favorite reads now that you got me in on them. Thx. Louise



  50. Thanks for this post. I really needed a laugh today. You are hilarious!


  51. not receiving copy, only notification there of..don’t want to miss this



  52. >


  53. A wonderful read… you made my day!


  54. I love you two. Keep stirring the pot.


  55. Best. Ever. You are a national treasure, and that’s counting states of every color. I’m not young enough to use a thousand exclamation points, but I’m thinking them.

    Liked by 2 people

  56. I assume that the COVID death rate, as well as the infection rates are due to a deep state conspiracy group, I call the KKKNeoNazicultische clan. Yeah, yeah, they’re actually Trump supporters, but they also aren’t too smart, so they don’t understand this death rate thing.


  57. I have just entered ‘official’ Old status this year. Thank you for being such an excellent example of how to do this life phase right!

    Liked by 1 person


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