Dear Family,
Once again, we will gather for turkey and all the trimmings this Thanksgiving. Trump remains a pain in my rump, but I have decided to rise above it. Things change. Life goes on. But the turkey is still moist as ever. Although it seems quite foolish to say it, here are the house rules:
Politics is definitely spoken here. If you can’t defend your choices, you deserve the ridicule. If you can defend your choices, enjoy the conversation, and ultimately agree to disagree when needed. I don’t have a problem if you don’t agree with me.
Mary, those boys of yours have grown old enough to know better. Mud on my carpet is about as welcome as Rhonda’s bible quotes. I’ll get both whether I like it or not, so you’ll get my dirty looks whether you like it or not. And tell that middle one he can wear whatever he wants. We all come with our differences. He’s unique and that’s what I love about him. It’s what makes life special. Not everything needs to make sense. God made mosquitos. There’s no sense in that.
I want everyone to feel loved. If I get your pronoun wrong, just let me know. Some of you call me Grandma and some of you call me MeMaw. That’s fine with me. Why should pronouns be any different? Making someone feel comfortable is just good manners.
Once again, I don’t do special diets. Turkeys die. Potatoes have starch. Bread has gluten. Butter has fat. Tea without sugar is a waste of time. My Thanksgiving meal has a million calories. That’s why it tastes so good. If you’re fat, jog to my house. We’re a big family in more ways than one, and this meal isn’t going to change the size of your backside. If you need something special, bring it. You have two hands and I have a front door you can carry it through. I’m ok with that. It just leaves more of the good stuff for everyone else. But if you need my oven or my stove, you’re out of luck. I’ll be using both.
Cloe, go ahead and bring your Jell-O salad again. It’s the only thing that jiggles more than me. After this many years, if you still think someone is actually going to eat it, well then bless your heart. That much optimism is a good thing in the world today regardless of how delusional it is.
And speaking of the world today, we have a whole new generation coming into this family and we need to be thinking of their world. The trash bin is on the left and the recycling bin is on the right. Plastic bottles are out, and cans are in. I have no idea if that makes the world better, but if you open it (can or bottle) you finish it. I am tired of every year throwing out bottle after bottle of half empty drinks. It’s just wasteful.
Now, if you have small kids, I expect a hug and a kiss. In return they can have all the pie and Ranger cookies they want. But I am not your babysitter. I have nice things. Watch your kids. I swear, some of them could trip over a cordless phone. If they have an accident, clean it up. And if they break something, clean it up and then buy me a new one for Christmas.
God is great and God is good. But this family has grown in size over the years and many new faces are around the table. God means different things to different people. I never expected we would all agree about everything, but not agreeing about anything… I didn’t see that coming. We might have had our differences in the past, but intolerance won’t be tolerated. If you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person. If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one. If you don’t believe in the results of the 2020 election, don’t bother bringing it up because after three years of listening to that bullshit, I’m calling bullshit. Get over it.
Happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful to still be here.
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