Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 18, 2020

Margaret and Helen introduce the COVID19 Quarantini. It’s strong enough to make you think Obama is still President and will knock you on your ass from 6 feet away. #SocialDistancing

Margaret, I’m sorry to say that the Social Distancing diet is fattening. My ass is almost as big as Trump’s ego, but easier to view if I do say so myself. The man gave himself a 10 out of 10 for how he has handled this. Really? Try to get tested right now. Just try. In my book the grade is zero which is also the number of tests you are going to find unless you are in another country or a professional basketball player.

Over a week ago he told us “Anyone who wants a test can get a test.” He repeated that statement more than once. That’s odd because yesterday the Governor of Texas announced that 15,000 tests would be available by the end of the week. The end of THIS WEEK. Texas has a population of 30,000,000. That’s 30 million.  1 test for every 2,000 Texans… but anyone who wants one… Math seems to be hard for the GOP.

Until this week Fox News continued to tell people it was all a Democratic hoax. But yesterday Trump said he knew it was a Pandemic a long time ago which is odd because he told everyone at his last rally that it was a Democrat “new hoax”. Either he was lying to all his supporters then or he’s lying to all Americans now. Well, I’ve got news for all those Trump supporting Fox News viewers. You are in for a real surprise when you head to the grocery store for toilet paper this week.

Trump also calls this the Chinese Virus because  finding blame for a pandemic is very Trumpian. He blames everything on Mexico, China, Obama or fake news. It’s as if he hasn’t been President for over three years. You know what Obama had to do with COVID19? Nothing. Honestly, if this really was called the Chinese Virus it would have a Trump clothing label on it and his moron of a first daughter would be trying to get it trademarked. The man has no shame and the sense God gave a goose.  My apology to geese.

A real President would have declared COVID19 a public health emergency within a week of the first US case being detected. In a fully functioning government, the first test to detect the new virus would have been approved by the FDA two days later and shipments of the new CDC test would have gone out within 2 weeks. You know – EXACTLY HOW THEN PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA HANDLED THE H1N1 VIRUS.

But not Donald Trump.  It’s over two months since the first case in the US and we are just now getting any type of major testing underway.  Asked whether he took responsibility for the apparent lag in widespread testing, Trump said, “No, I don’t take responsibility at all because we were given a — a set of circumstances, and we were given rules, regulations and specifications from a different time.”

Well I call BULLSHIT.  This Asshat fired the U.S. pandemic response team in 2018 to cut costs.  And that is a fact.  Here are some other facts:

  • December 31: Health officials in Wuhan, China, post a notice about investigating a pneumonia outbreak. The World Health Organization (WHO) acknowledges that it “was informed of a cluster of cases of pneumonia of unknown cause.”
  • January 14: Two cases of Coranavirus (COVID19) reported in the US.
  • January 21: Dr. Nancy Messonnier, a senior CDC official handling the response to respiratory diseases, tells reporters, “We do expect additional cases in the United States and globally.”
  • January 22: Trump says he isn’t worried that the outbreak could turn into a global pandemic, “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China, and we have it under control. It’s going to be just fine.”
  • January 24: Trump posts his first of many misleading tweets about the coronavirus. He praises the Chinese government for its “transparency” handling the outbreak and says, “it will all work out well.”
  • January 25: The WHO says there are more than 1,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
  • January 31: Two weeks after the first reported cases in the US, Trump administration declares a public health emergency in the United States because of the coronavirus and blocks foreigners who visited China from entering the country.
  • February 1: The WHO says there are more than 10,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
  • February 6: The WHO says there are more than 25,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
  • February 7: Trump tweets that China “will be successful” in stopping the coronavirus, “especially as the weather starts to warm & the virus hopefully becomes weaker, and then gone.”
  • February 10: At a political rally in New Hampshire, Trump mentions the coronavirus and says it “looks like, by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away.”
  • February 14:  One month since first reported cases in US
  • February 15: The WHO says there are more than 50,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
  • February 19: The WHO says there are more than 75,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
  • February 24: Trump tweets, “The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA.”
  • February 25: Messonnier, the CDC official, says it is inevitable that the coronavirus will spread in the US and that Americans need to prepare for disruptions to their daily lives.
  • February 25: Trump tells reporters during his trip to India that the virus is “a problem that’s going to go away.”
  • February 26: At a White House press conference, Trump contradicts the assessment from the CDC that the virus will definitely spread throughout the US. Trump says, “I don’t think it’s inevitable. I think that there’s a chance that it could get worse, a chance it could get fairly substantially worse, but nothing’s inevitable.”
  • February 27: The WHO says there are more than 82,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
  • February 28: At another political rally Trump tells supporters, “The Democrats are politicizing the coronavirus. They’re politicizing it.” Then Trump called the coronavirus “their new hoax.”
  • February 29: Health officials in Washington state announce the first coronavirus death inside the United States. Forty-six (46) days after the first reported cases in the US, Trump conceded that “additional cases in the United States are likely.”
  • March 5:  Vice President and Chief Brown Noser Mike Pence admits we don’t have enough tests.
  • March 6: Trump lies (again) and says “Anyone who wants a test, can get a test.”
  • March 14: Two months since first reported cases in the US.
  • March 18: Sixty-four (64) days after the first reported cases in the US and we are still asking “Where are the tests?”
  • March 19: Global cases approach a quarter of a million. Cases in the US approach 10,000. Over 150 Americans have died. Many Hospitals report that tests are arriving broken or with incomplete parts.

(Sidenote:  My idiot Senator from Texas, John Cornyn – the other idiot Senator from Texas I should say – says that viruses like Swine Flu are China’s fault because they eat weird food. He then goes home to have some bacon-wrapped jalapenos and bison burgers. At the same time Ted Cruz emerges from self-quarantine but admits that he was never tested. Ted Cruz doesn’t play basketball professionally and I guess beating Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t get you a free test kit.)

We are all now hoarding toilet paper and social distancing. Millions of people are sheltering in place. Schools and universities are closed. Tens of thousands of Uber and Lyft drivers, artists, theatres, restaurants, clubs, small businesses, large businesses will go under. The stock market is heading south faster than my friends Marvin and Fannie Stein do from New York in October.  And our Supreme Leader Trump is most concerned about saving the Cruise Ship and Airline industries. The man is an asshat.

Contrary to popular belief, I was born after the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic.  I’m really not sure what to tell you.  I would imagine, however, that social distancing means it’s ok to drink alone.

Helen’s COVID19 Quarantini

  • 1-part vermouth
  • 19 parts gin
  • Garnished with a Vitamin C tablet
  • Served Chilled with Hand Sanitizer

The world is indeed a bit crazy these days, but we can all get through this together… even if that means we must be apart for a while.  I mean it. Really.


Responses

  1. Like

  2. Helen, it is like that old “Airport” comedy. “I picked a bad time to stop drinking.” This is serious stuff and we can no longer mess around. We missed six weeks when we should have been investing in things we would need rather than naysaying it and selling stocks like my Senator did. As for the whitewashing now going on that the president never did downplay, I just wrote the following comment on another blog, so I will past it here.

    Per his biographers, Trump’s mentor Roy Cohn told him to never apologize and sue everyone. This is yet one more example of too many. He cannot say he was caught with his shorts down and downplayed the pandemic. He even denies saying he called it a hoax, when there is on camera calling it a hoax.

    But, on the latter Cohn teaching, Trump’s campaign has sued TV stations to not air the truthful ad that shows him downplaying the pandemic. This is modus operandi. Lie. Lie about the lie when the lie does not work. Sue anyone who says you are lying.

    Michael Cohen, Trump’s attorney and fixer, said many egregious things under oath, which simply have been ignored by Trump sycophants. I quote often the main theme that he said “Donald Trump is a racist, he is a con artist and he is a cheat.” But, what Cohen also said under oath is he was instructed on more than 500 occasions to send cease and desist orders to entities that had less flattering information in its possession. They ranged from unflattering footage of “The Apprentice” to colleges or prep schools with bad grades to sexual assault accusations, etc.

    But, the most egregious thing Trump attorney’s did is sue people to avoid paying them for services rendered to his properties. This man of the people has screwed contractors, sheet rockers, painters, electricians, plumbers, etc. on countless occasions. Before the election, out of over 4000 lawsuits, over 200 were to screw the common worker. These folks had to take less or file for bankruptcy.

    Thomas Wells, another attorney who worked for Trump also said many things in an op-ed piece before the election. My favorite is “Donald Trump lies everyday, even about things of no consequence. ” But, he also said Trump “always” claimed bad service to avoid paying people. To me, that shows Trump is a cheap SOB. But, don’t take my word or Wells’ word on this. A contractor in a voter panel in 2016 told the facilitator about working with Trump companies, “The word on the street is get your money up front.” Keith

    Like

  3. […] Margaret and Helen introduce the COVID19 Quarantini. It’s strong enough to make you think Obam… […]

    Like

  4. I love you ~ you always tell it like it is. {Hands clapping} Nicely done.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Quarantini – good idea!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are the best!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Please keep writing these! We need you.

    Stay safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. […] I find this recipe much more fun: Margaret and Helen introduce the COVID19 Quarantini. It’s strong enough to make you think Obama is…. And half of that is that is it always fun to read a new Margaret and Helen blog post. If you […]

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Love the quarantini idea. I am having margaritas tomorrow from 6feet away as we celebrate my granddaughter’s birthday. I will toast to Margaretand Helen for their never ending supply of elderly wisdom.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Thank you for keeping The-Liar-in-Chief’s record.
    I will share this with the Trumpers who surround me!!! (One good thing about social distancing..I don’t have to interact with them as much!)

    Liked by 2 people

  11. […] and Helen Helen writes to her friend to express ,umm, skepticism as Trump, Fox, and followers turn their tune at the pandemic. You mean it’s real after all? Carefully documented. […]

    Like

  12. Like others, I have gven up hope of being tested. I’ve been sick for 3 weeks, starting a few days after being a cashier at an international conference, I didn’t travel — others traveled and handed their money and germs to me. However, since I wasn’t personally on a plane or ship, the state refused to allow the local ER to test me. I was tested for flu and 9 other things, all negative. They sent me home with antibotics, thoughts and prayers. Yep! That’ll work on a virus! NOT!!!

    Helen, thanks for the great post. At least I don’t feel alone, as I sit here in self-imposed quarantine. Bring on the quarantinis! Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This is one really good post and totally accurate- one of your best. Thank you, Helen. And, I mean it, really. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I hate to admit it, but just last week I sipped a “Coronavirus” cocktail in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. 4 shots of vodka, 2 shots of tequila and a Corona poured on top. Sip and pass to the rest of the party at your table. It tasted pretty good, actually.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Dear Margaret and Helen…..as ever,thank you for your wisdom.I trust your info more than anyone else

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Please remember, it’s not just trump…the rethuglican party ‘birthed’ him. He’s just the symptom of their destruction of democracy. Trump is their puppet acting out their disdain for governance.
    If we have elections, please remember to vote the senate blue/democratic. That’ll be as important as voting out trump/agent orange.
    Stay safe everyone,

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. My step father teaches common sense, a d the art of persuasion. What they have discovered, is that not everyone has it, you can not teach someone who has none, to have it. If they do have any common sense. It is not persuadable. Except through your loins. I doubt their is any common sense among anyone, not just trump. Everyone in position or authority to contain and properly follow the nations very specific, detailed, and basically, no way to f*** it up, as had a group effort in f***ing it up! I purpose that we get some attractive volunteers to go to congress and suggest the correct way to proceed from this day forward. Because wether they have
    any common sense left or not. It’s worth a shot. They obviously, have no plans to actually follow their own documented protocols. So our only hope is to fool them into doing so. Just saying……they are all trying to fool.us. maybe if there was any attractive ones spitting their lies for them. Our common sense could have been persuaded. But…..we have a glowing cheese puff spitting the lies instead!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Thanks ever so much Helen. We are facing dire times. The “greatest country on earth” was caught unprepared and flat-footed during this crisis and blame is being cast elsewhere. It is so tragic. Let us pray for us all here in the U.S. and let us pray for this entire planet. The virus, I dare say, is unable to distinguish between a Chinese or an American and has proven it knows no borders. Hopefully, some politician will chance upon your blog and design a campaign ad that uses the facts you detailed so well and so brilliantly. Margaret and Helen, take care of yourselves.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Terri. Love these women.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  21. How great to read comments by someone on my wave-length. You go, girl!
    But, please make my Covid-19 Quarantini with VODKA.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. we got the essentials..TP, hand sanitizer, beer and Southern Comfort.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. The president does not listen to his advisers. This is because a$$holes do not have ears. Really.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Thanks Margaret, I really hope we can send this idiot packing in November. After his comment yesterday about being a wartime president I expected him today to show up wearing a helmet with MAGA on it! Thank God that didn’t happen. Keeps us laughing Margaret, you’re a treasure.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I’m a day late in reading this but I sure needed it! THANK YOU! Eventually, someone will figure out that every time the DUMPSTER issues his comments about the virus, etc., the stock market tanks AGAIN! The WH needs to set up a dummy room with cameras – gather the toadies around him – and then just let him THINK he’s on TV!!!!!!! And give the rest of us a break!😂😂

    Liked by 3 people

  26. We “shut ins” in Dallas say, “Way to go, girls, for calling a Moran a Moran!
    Where is Obama when we need him!!!! Pox on that entire family of Losers.
    From, Ruth, Ann x 3, Jo, Sally, Melissa, the CCoffeeClub

    Liked by 3 people

  27. If it wasn’t before it should be more than obvious now that the Golden Gibbon cares only for the $. Hence, he didn’t do a dman thing when he should have. It may be justifiable to blame all the resulting American deths on him. I am out and about CAREFULLY. I stay far away from people I can see such as in the supermarket which now has an unusal array of food and a whole lot of empty shelves. I work in an exceedingly small office and we do not deal face to face with the public. No one s sneezing or coughing and there is a whole lot of hand washing going on. The people in the mental health profession are being swamped by their regular patients who are firghtened to death as well as people who would like to become their patients. There are people soliciting small change at the entrances of supermarkets etc. who have lost their jobs, homes, and even spouses and significant others. I bet this crowd insreaes by the week! There is so little trffic that when I do drive I can actually see the countryside! Turns out it is attractive! And gas prices per gallon have fallen! I guess we have to take good news where we find it. And I do’t think that i will ever be tested. Trump has seen to that. My daughter down south who is now hoe schooling her kids also has given up hiope of being tested. Given up hope. Got that? He husband is also working from home while she tries to handle 3 kids, all of different ages and school grades in the next room. I know we will come out of this hopefully wiser and perhaps morally stronger. I know I am looking forward to voting in the next Presidential election and it won’t be for Trump!

    Like

  28. You are simply THE BEST!! Sincerely,Donna

    Like

  29. And now he congratulates himself by saying he’s a “war president”! That would be war on honesty, integrity, common sense, responsibility, etc. You can always count on the fact that whatever he says is the opposite of truth or reality. Also, he reads like a first grader, in a monotone, with no feeling or expression.
    Anyway, I love you ladies. Thank you for telling it like it is. You are my heroes!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Thanks for the best laugh of the day! So true.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Oh, Helen. You are good medicine for those of us suffering from a bad case of ineffective leadership.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Love, it thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  33. I love your posts. Since I haven’t left my house in over a week, schools are closed for 3 weeks but I did receive an email from our superintendent that we are to report on Monday the 23rd to do what is unknown and location and time to be decided and we will be informed by Friday (tomorrow). Oh, we are on spring break this week. Keep the great posts coming.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Thank you for a much-needed laugh. We’re in a shelter-in-place where I live.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. What would I do without you? Thank you so much for adding some sensibility in a time of insanity. Some humor with a very factual and educational message. #MargaretandHelen2020

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Love you gals!!! Thanks for your always spot on insight and for the Quarantini recipe!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I think you must be Rachel Maddow’s grandmother.

    Liked by 3 people

  38. Love your posts! Stay safe!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Helen, you are a national treasure. Stay well and thank you.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 2 people

  40. Thank you for this. First time I’ve laughed in days.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Please stay safe Helen and Margaret! You are national treasures and we need you now more than ever. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I love you gals SO much – thanks for brightening my day a little and calling #TyphoidTrump on his bullshit.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. Now on day 5 of government mandated confinement in Spain, thanks for giving us a great post, hope, and something to laugh about! Take care ladies, and stay safe at home everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Thank you! It would almost be funny if it weren’t so damn true. Every day i wonder what could be worse than what he did(or didn’t do) and then the next day arrives. You speak for so many of us!! but louder! Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Bless you, Helen. I needed a laugh today. Stay safe

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Bless you, Helen. I needed a laugh today. Mixing that quarantini as soon as I can find some gin. Self-quarantining without a quarantini at this time.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Stay safe and well, you wonderful women. The world needs you. Raising my glass to your good health and fighting spirit!

    A Texas girl in Oregon

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Love this! Thanks for making me laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Thank YOU!!! This post took y’all some time – thanks for the best outline of the liar-in-chief’s ass-tute comments & insights!!!. Mary in Big D

    Liked by 2 people

  50. I love this post. These two ladies are hilarious and spot on about Trump and his cronies. Thank you I needed a good laugh today as I sit in quarantine.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. OMG, I love you so much! Cheers to this! 🍸

    Liked by 1 person

  52. A quote from the March 17 briefing: “People are dying that have never died before.” I feel better already.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Thank you for the deep belly laugh. I needed it! Ladies, you are amazing!!! Blessings, T in Texas (where some of the worst politicians live).

    Like

  54. Love you two!!

    Like

  55. You two are unparalleled! When I read the part, “Honestly, if this really was called the Chinese Virus it would have a Trump clothing label on it and his moron of a first daughter would be trying to get it trademarked. The man has no shame and the sense God gave a goose. My apology to geese.” my tea just about got spit into the next county. Love to you both and you’re so right — we will get through (and past) this mess! Virtual hugs from the Willamette Valley in OR.

    Liked by 2 people

  56. Thank you ladies…we all need this truth in the form of humor. IMO, this should be called the “trumpervirus”. What did we do to deserve this &^%$#*^@ for a president?

    Everyone stay well and safe. We will party when it is safe to come out!

    Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. You two are unparalleled! When I read the part, “Honestly, if this really was called the Chinese Virus it would have a Trump clothing label on it and his moron of a first daughter would be trying to get it trademarked. The man has no shame and the sense God gave a goose. My apology to geese.” my tea just about got spit into the next county. Love to you both and you’re so right — we will get through (and past) this mess! Virtual hugs from the Willamette Valley in OR.

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Thank y’all for telling it like it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  59. What an absolute joy you are! Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  60. Without some laughter we are doomed. With that and vodka we can persevere! Stay healthy!

    Liked by 1 person

  61. OMG Grandma Helen, I’m laughing my a*s off right now! You are hilarious and I’ve always loved the way you just tell like it is. I love reading your posts. Thanks much for the post, it is much needed…

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Waste of fine alcohol.

    Like

  63. Not sure if you got this so am forwarding…

    >

    Like

  64. Thank you again for offering a chance to laugh amidst our tears and fears.

    Liked by 1 person

  65. OMG I needed this today. Keep ’em comin’!

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Thanks for the much needed laugh. So much better than crying over this idiot of a president and his goons. Look forward to your next post.

    Liked by 2 people

  67. Before I go mix my quarantini, I just have to say that what really got to me was when Trump stated he had a “hunch” that the infection rate was not as high as the medical experts said. That was about March 4. #-[ Thank you for making me laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  68. I bought some 153 proof grain alcohol at the liquor store today [I’d called and asked if it was available and asked they save two bottles, the limit, and have it ready to pick up] Since we can’t buy hand sanitizer or isopropyl alcohol anymore and we need to protect ourselves, I’ll use the booze to make my own sanitizing hand stuff. Regular vodka won’t work, it’s only 40% alcohol. The grain alcohol is 77% alcohol. I hope I can keep from drinking it after listening to the orange fool living in the WH spout his lies. If he “knew” there’d be a pandemic 2 months ago, why no preparations or warnings? Anyway, I’m sheltering in place, trying to get out for solitary walks daily, talking on the phone a lot and hoping Covid 19 tests will be available before we all become infected.

    Liked by 1 person

  69. You are awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Thank you! Be safe! Sending love from Whidbey Island! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Thank you for some much needed comic relief. You are a gem and I’ll drink to that!

    Liked by 1 person

  72. Thank you for another fabulous post! From a shelter-in-place Californian.

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  73. #MargaretandHelen2020

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Thanks, Helen. Hopefully, laughter is the best medicine. Next to a quarintini.

    Liked by 1 person

  75. Stay safe, ladies!

    Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: