Posted by: Helen Philpot | April 21, 2009

Maybe America Should Take Rick Perry Up On His Offer

Honestly Margaret, I cannot believe that Susan Boyle went undiscovered for 47 years but that crazy Celine Dion has been wailing away for decades making millions.  I just don’t get the appeal.  Where is the justice? Sort of the way it’s just not fair that we lost Ann Richards but George W. Bush is allowed to live.   

And speaking of Texas Governors, that Neanderthal Hairy Perry is just plain out of his mind.  Does he realize that the United States might take him up on his offer to secede?   After all that would finally rid the U.S. Senate of two more idiot politicians from Texas:  John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison.  Talk about Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dipshit.

I find it very interesting, and even a little bit entertaining, that the likes of Perry, Cornyn, Coulter, Hannity and Limbaugh are all calling for a revolution because Obama is ignoring the will of the people.  Who exactly do they think elected Obama?

When Perry recently spoke of secession he offered the following comments:

“My hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that.”

It’s a variation of the same theme being offered by conservative Republicans everywhere.  So here is my question:  Who exactly do they think runs Washington?   Suggesting that the government is not “the people” is akin to suggesting a church is merely the building rather than those who choose to worship within.  

We have always been a government of, by and for the people.  Nothing has changed – except the people.   And the people spoke loud and clear in November.  If you have an issue about what’s coming out of Washington, get up off your lazy ass and get involved.  Granted 56% of the voting age population turned out this past election but if you see the cup as half empty then you have to be shocked that almost half of the nation’s voters took a pass.  And honestly folks, those of us who do vote keep sending the same people right back to Washington. 

The fact that you Republicans gave Joe the Plumber a microphone again just proves that you think your shit doesn’t stink.  Well it does.  Flush the plumber and move on.  We can’t even get together to make sure every child has health insurance but paying taxes is cause for every tractor pull in the country to suddenly become a tea party.   Where’s the humanity?  Where’s the Christian spirit?  Where’s the Pepto Bismol?

I know that I seem all over the map on this one.  I have been sick and have had nothing better to do but watch cable news all day.  All this finger pointing going on right now has me really pissed.  The fingers should be pointed at ourselves.  Your Congressman has an office in your district.  Have you stopped by?   Have you written a letter?  Do you know his or her voting record?  Do you rely on more than one source to get your news?   Honestly, do you even care?

I am so tired of idiots who forward emails to me about “fantastic” letters to the editor or “I agree totally” with what this person has to say…  You know the emails I am talking about.  Those stupid, factually incorrect rants that get passed around like fleas in a dog pound.  My brother is one of those idiots, sending out mass emails as if his life depended on it.  I’ve got some advice for all you rabid emailers out there.   Read the damn thing before you send it on and do enough research to determine if it is even true.  Honestly, you might as well be passing on a stomach virus with as much shit that gets sent to my email box.

Most recently the subject matter of these emails seems to more and more be about immigration and the downfall of the American way of life.

People – when the population of Latin American begins to look like North America and North America begins to look like South America and East finally does meet West, it’s not such a bad thing.  A global society means we finally have to figure out how we are all going to live together peacefully on this planet.

If you want to preserve Christian values you might start with living like a Christian and not some racist asshole who can’t stand how many Muslims have moved into your neck of the woods or what your neighbor is doing in the bedroom.  And if you want to preserve American values then don’t elect a President who condones torture.  But if you want to stop the globalization of nations and the blending of the world’s population then use a condom, support Planned Parenthood and legalize gay marriage.  Because those are the only things I know that actually don’t add to the growing population on this finite planet we call home.  For crying out loud Governor Palin – the kids were in the next room and didn’t use a condom.  For someone going on and on about family values, you seem pretty clueless about what is happening within your own family.

OK.  I think I am done for now.  I guess being laid up meant a bunch of stuff was stuck in my head and it just needed to come out.   If you come back again, I promise that next time I will focus.  Thanks for all the well wishes.  I mean it.  Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | April 13, 2009

Until the next post…

A Note From Matthew:

My grandmother feels bad that she has not been able to post recently.  She has been a bit under the weather, but we expect her to be up and around in no time.  My father showed her the video one of you posted and says she loved it.   She asked if I would re-post a link.

After you watch it, post your dreams and share them with Helen.  Her dreams came true when all of you told her how much you enjoyed her writing.

I hope you all enjoy this: Susan Boyle – Dreams Do Come True

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | April 1, 2009

My God Bush was an idiot!

There are still days when I stop dead in my tracks and think to myself: My God George W. Bush was an idiot.  Did we really let that happen… not once but twice?  Margaret, do you ever have thoughts like that?  I mean it’s not like we didn’t know it.  We watched it happen.  Had we really become so disconnected from our government or otherwise unable to control our elected officials?

George Bush didn’t even have the simple command of the English language that we would expect from a high school graduate much less a Yale scholar.  Misunderestimated?  The human being and fish can coexist peacefully?  Put food on your family?   Is our children learning?

But maybe I’m being too hard on the guy.  After all, he did have his hands full with taking us to war and all.  And understanding the subtle relationship between nouns and verbs – not to mention the complex differences between lungs and gills – really is a lot to ask from a Yale graduate.

But now we have a smart, well spoken, well intentioned statesman in the oval office and you would think someone – to use a phrase from my son-in-law –  “found a turd in the punch bowl”.    Rush and company actually think it is a bad thing that he is so popular around the nation and around the world.   They make fun by calling him the Messiah and a Rock Star. The very idea of a nation united behind its leader is just more than they can stand. 

Margaret, I know you hate that part about a turd in the punch bowl,  but even you have to admit someone really needs to light a match in the Republican cloakroom. The smell is getting to be too much.

Under Bush we became a nation that condoned torture.   America.  Pro-torture.  It really happened.   But now the United States is seeking a seat on the United Nations Human Rights Council.  This is a departure from the Bush administration, which was often critical of the group.  Did you know that?  I didn’t.  Never in my life did I imagine that we didn’t have a seat at that table much less a President who was evidently proud of that accomplishment.

Susan Rice, Obama’s pick for U.S. ambassador to the United Nations,  says the council needs to be “balanced and credible” to help people suffering from abuse and oppression around the world. 

“The U.S. is seeking election to the council because we believe that working from within, we can make the council a more effective forum to promote and protect human rights,” she said in a state department release.

Republican Senate Leader Mitch McConnell recently told a reporter that he didn’t think Americans really wanted Obama to shut down Guantanamo.   Rush Limbaugh is still saying if Obama fails, America wins.   Honestly folks, it really is time to start paying attention again.  We elected Obama and that was a very good thing,  but I am only now  just fully realizing how bad it had gotten in this country.  Roll up your sleeves because President Obama is going to need all the help he can get.

When Rush Limbaugh stands up, we need to insist that he sit down.  When Ann Coulter writes a book, we need to let it collect dust on the shelf.  When Mitch McConnell tells us that torture is still needed, we need not be shocked – we need to be outraged.  And when Cheney offers an opinion we need to hide the punch bowl and direct him to the nearest men’s room.

Actually Mitch, now that I think of it, you’re right.  We’d like to keep Guantanamo open, but  we would like to replace its current occupants with you, Cheney, Rush and that Cantor kid from Virginia.

An America for human rights and a President who prefers to take the time to know what he is talking about before he speaks…  I just hope I don’t wake up from this marvelous dream.

Sleep well Margaret.  Tomorrow we have a lot of work to do.  Really.  I mean it.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 31, 2009

New Post Coming Soon

Hang in there.  It’s coming…

~Matt

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 26, 2009

Bye Bye Evan Bayh

For several weeks now, we have watched as one idiot Republican spokesman after another has stepped up to the microphone and whined endlessly about how much they don’t like anything or anyone.  It’s been embarrassing to say the least.  I guess when you’ve been kicked in the ass, it’s difficult to lick your wounds.   And honestly, watching Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh lick their wounds is more than my stomach can handle.

But now we have a small group of Democrats who have decided to kiss those same kicked asses.  They want to stop the President’s  agenda. Really?  We barely survived 8 years of the Bush/Cheney administration and now we have the opportunity to correct those mistakes and take the country in a new direction.  So what could these Don’t-0-crats be thinking?

From what I can tell, the Obama agenda emphasizes healthcare, education and energy.  I just don’t understand how anyone can argue those priorities.  Let’s take them one at a time.

Healthcare.  The argument for fixing healthcare is that it is too expensive and too many people don’t have insurance.  Seems pretty clear to me.  The argument against it would be that it is too expensive to fix so poor families including children should just suffer and die needlessly.  Hmmm. If anyone knows Senator Evan Bayh, can you ask him if he enjoys the government sponsored health insurance plan he gets as a Senator?

Education.  The argument for spending money on education is that the United States has fallen from the best in the world to middle of the pack.  In fact students in the United States now rank behind students in 28 other countries in problem solving,  27 other countries in Math and 21 other countries in Science.  The argument for not prioritizing education is… uhh… hnmm…. I don’t know.  Maybe Senator Bayh can hire someone from Korea (1), China (2), Japan (4) or even Poland (25) to solve that problem for us.

Energy.  The argument for prioritizing energy issues and in particular green energy efforts would be our dependency on foriegn oil and climate issues.  The argument against it would be that ExxonMoblile profits in 2008 were $45.2 billion.   That is almost enough money to cover the cost of 5 months of the war in Iraq.

I don’t know Margaret.  I am just so tired of fighting.  I thought this last election meant something but it seems that 16 Democrats have proven me and about 69 million Americans  who voted for Obama wrong. 

And for goodness sakes, one of these Don’t-O-crats is Joe Lieberman.  Who didn’t see that coming? Left? Right? In the middle? Breathing?  You just don’t know with that guy.

This Purple Party idea is sounding better and better each day.

Are you represented by one of these 16 Don’t-O-crats?  If so, I want to know what you think.   Really.  I mean it.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 19, 2009

We Have A Dream

I made the mistake of listening to Rush today.  I tuned in just long enough to hear him complaining about Barney Frank wanting the names of the AIG executives who received bonuses.  According to Rush, the government is getting out of control.  Can you believe that bullshit?  Just exactly where was Rush when the Bush administration was listening in on the private conversations of millions of Americans?  I would imagine selective memory works well for Rush considering he selects to use his brain as sparingly as possible.

Margaret, I have been having that dream again – the one that involves about 14 million Republicans falling off a cliff… followed by 14 million Democrats.  Lately it also involves a boiling vat of oil for some executives from AIG – but that story is for another day…

It may seem like an odd dream, but each night when I go to bed after watching the news I can’t help but think  about how much we could get done if we didn’t have to deal with the extremes in both parties.  Those of us remaining could probably get along quite well without the distractions from those on the far right in Limbaugh Land and those on the far left in Lah Lah Land.

If it were up to just those of us who are truly in the middle – the purple people as I like to call them – I am pretty sure we could form a more perfect union.  Because when you think about  it, all that is wrong with this country can probably be solved with a little common sense.

On that note, Margaret and I have come up with a few concepts we think most everyone could get behind if  that fat ass Rush wasn’t blocking the view:

HELEN:  We want the best healthcare system in the world, but we don’t want it to be the most expensive.  

MARGARET:  When we say healthcare we mean Vision Care too.  Howard says if I turn the coffee maker on one more time without the pot in place he is going to trade me in.  

HELEN: We want everyone to have access to healthcare when they need it, but we don’t expect everyone to live forever.  Eventually you get old and die.  

MARGARET:  And die we will.  I just hope I’m not at the grocery store when my time comes.  That would be just embarrassing.  

HELEN:  No child should go to bed hungry and no parent with a sick child should have to worry about not having health insurance.  

MARGARET: And no child should ever play with plastic wrap.  It is not a toy.  

HELEN:  The elderly should never have to choose between buying food and paying for medicine.

MARGARET:  Don’t take your prescriptions on an empty stomach unless the bottle tells you otherwise.

HELEN:  Euthanasia.  If it’s good enough for a dog, then it’s good enough for me.  Certainly it’s good enough for Mr. Limbaugh.  

MARGARET:  Dogs are people too.  

HELEN:  The tax on cigarettes should be about $10… per cigarette.  

MARGARET:  I think smokers should have to smoke the entire cigarette…or eat their butts.  

HELEN: Larry King really should go back to radio.  

MARGARET: Larry King really should be dead by now.  

HELEN:  Religion has no place in politics and politics has no place in the bedroom.

MARGARET:  But a bedroom full of religious politicians is an Ass Hat Convention waiting to happen!  

HELEN:  Honestly, why is your neighbor’s bedroom any of your business?

MARGARET: Make your bed every day.

HELEN: When I call an American company and ask to speak to the help desk, that desk should be in America damn it.

MARGARET: When I call my neighbor Bernice even though her name is Lucille, she shouldn’t get all upset about it.  I’m old.  It happens.  

HELEN: We should support the troops before, during and especially after the war, but war really should be the last resort and our military really should be a reflection of the general population rather than an extension of the poorest among us.  

MARGARET:  Saying we support the troops and actually lifting the troops are two different things.

HELEN: If war is your answer, then you were obviously too stupid to answer the question.

MARGARET: Stay in school.

HELEN:  I spanked my children.  They do not spank their children.  Eventually one of us is going to be proved right.

MARGARET: Watch your children… especially when visiting the home of someone without children.

HELEN:  To all the young people out there.  The only way to guarantee that you won’t get pregnant is not to have sex.  But if you are going to have sex and don’t want to get pregnant, use protection.  Honestly, it’s not that difficult to understand.

MARGARET:   Wear a seat belt even if you are just going to the store.  Most accidents happen within 5 miles of home.

HELEN:  If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one.

MARGARET:  Oh honey.  Don’t go there.  It brings the crazies out.

HELEN:  If you want to save marriage pass a law banning divorce.

MARGARET:  Marry the one you want and want the one you married.  Or something like that.

HELEN:  You can give me your educated opinion on when life begins after you have personally experienced when life ends.

MARGARET:  That’s it.  Here come the crazies.

HELEN:  If a big footed bitch, a pitt bull in lipstick, and a fat moron with a microphone are your party leaders, the party is over.

MARGARET:  When hosting a dinner party remember your alphabet:  Fork then Knife then Spoon – F, K then S.  Unless you have an oyster fork… then it gets tricky.

HELEN:  At the intersection of all the major world religions, you will find the Golden Rule.  It’s a place where you will never run into Limbaugh, Coulter or Palin.  We all should have directions to that intersection.

MARGARET:  I think that concludes this little episode.

Now Margaret and I both know that no one has all the answers and no one is ever right 100% of the time.  In the case of Rush Limbaugh, we just wish he was right at least 10% of the time, but the years of abusing donuts and OxyContin seem to have fried his brains. 

Surely some of you good people out there have your own common sense remedies for this mess.   Why not share them for all of us to enjoy.  But beware, Ditto Heads will be dealt with in short order.  We mean it.  Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 10, 2009

Rush, shut the hell up. You’re not helping.

Margaret dear, I need your help sorting all this out.   Rush Limbaugh has a daily audience of 14 million morons- give or take a few rednecks – Howard excluded of course.   So are we to believe that they all want Obama to fail?   Do I have that right?  I am a little confused by this recent turn of events because weren’t these the same peckerwoods who got so upset a  few years back when a famous country western singer told about 2,000 people at a concert in London that she was ashamed that George Bush was from her home state?  

Actually I believe her exact quote was, “Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas.”   If I am not mistaken, conservatives everywhere were enraged – albums were burned, death threats ensued.  It was treason.

But Margaret, let’s consider the following quotes attributed to Rush, another celebrity – albeit a celebrity who really gives renewed meaning to the saying a face made for radio:

“I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.”

“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.”  

“If we are going to start rewarding no skills and stupid people – I’m serious, let the unskilled jobs, let the kinds of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do – let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work.”

“Bipartisanship only happens after one side has been defeated.  Ask the Japanese after World War II.  Ask the Germans.”

The same jackass who made those statements also said, “I want Barack Obama to fail.”  And more recently he expounded on that statement when he said, “The dirty little secret is that every Republican in this country wants Obama to fail, but none of them have the guts to say so.”  For goodness sakes, I am surprised he finds time to be so loquasious between the mouthfuls of donuts.

Personally, I think Rush Limbaugh is a big, fat pig.  I can say that without worry because I am a big, fat bitch.  But what he looks like is really just so much fodder for people like me who don’t like his politics.  What he says, however… well that is another story.

Hypocrisy.  It’s a powerful word.   Republicans should look it up sometime.

Barack Obama is a sitting President of a country still at war and on the brink of economic disaster.  And Rush wants failure?  He is  hoping for failure and 14 million listeners who call themselves conservative Americans are okay with that.   But a country singer wishing the President didn’t come from her home state caused moral outrage.   Has anyone gone and looked up that word hypocrisy yet?  While you’re at it, look up the word culpable.  Scratch that, just look up the word gluttony.

 Of course, Limbaugh can say whatever he wants.  It’s a free country.  And people can stop buying albums when they don’t like the singer anymore.  That’s what “it’s a  free country” means.  And I can say that Rush Limbaugh is nothing more than than a fat, greed-filled radio star praying on the insecurities and ignorance of people who graduated high school thinking that they knew everything.  Like I said – it’s a free country.  You’re free to love it or even hate it if you want.  All I ask is that you be honest with yourself about which of those two positions you have chosen to subscribe.  Because considering the current state of  the world, we  will all succeed or fail together – like it or not.

Margaret, I know that Howard listens to Rush.  I hope he doesn’t read our little blog.  And know that if only because he loves you, I love him.  I just wish he would check out the local NPR station once in awhile. I mean it.  Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 5, 2009

Rush Limbaugh – King of the Idiots

Margaret does Howard still listen to Rush everyday?  I don’t listen to him often, but I tune in every now and again.  He’s like a train wreck on the evening news.  You don’t want to believe it’s true, but you keep checking back to see if there are any survivors. 

Lately, I find myself tuning in for Open Line Fridays because that is when the real crazies come out.  You just have to laugh at these morons if only for the fact that they are calling into a guy who is technically deaf.  I mean, what’s the point really?

Having recently seen Mr. Limbaugh on the news giving that speech to the CPAC, I will definitely be listening in on this week’s Open Line Friday when I am sure Krispy Kreme will be calling in asking for their donuts back.  Do they make an OxyContin donut these days? It certainly would explain a great deal.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening when a caller phoned in to ask Rush if he had really said that he wanted President Obama to fail.  While these are not direct quotes, the general idea is pretty true to the actual call.  If anybody heard this as well, let me know because I never thought such gullibility existed outside of the Orwell novel Animal Farm.

Rush:  Go ahead caller.

Caller:  Rush.  Dittos from anywhere USA.  I am a first time caller and I am so glad I reached you because I am so mad at my local news station.

Rush:   Well Ma’am what exactly did your local news station do to get you so upset?

Caller:  Rush.  They reported that you said you wanted Obama to fail.  And I listen to you all the time and I know I have never heard you say that.  I mean I was so upset and I want to write a letter to them but I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss something.  I mean you didn’t say that did you?

Rush:  You know this is what makes me so mad.  How the liberal media takes my words out of context and then turns them into a sensational news story just to try and make me look like a villain.

Caller: Well I knew you would never say something like that, but I wanted to make sure.

Rush:  It is all so preposterous.   Here is what happened.  Here is what really happened and what I really said.   A major print publication  contacted me to get an opinion piece from me on what I thought about the Obama Presidency.   They wanted me to give them a 400 word opinion piece.   I told them I don’t need 400 words.  I told them all I need is four words: I hope he fails.  And that is what I said.

Caller:   Well, I knew you would never say that you wanted Obama to fail. I am going to write a letter to my news station and tell them to start telling the truth because I listen to you and I know what you really said.

Rush:  Yes Ma’am.  You do that.  Because I know what I said as well…

So Margaret, ask Howad to explain this to me.  Do you have to be deaf to be a caller on Open Line Fridays or just an idiot?  Or maybe it’s both? 

Seriously.  Rush Limbaugh is too stupid to be getting this much attention, but we seem to be living here on Animal Farm where Republican leaders are kneeling down to their Napoleon pig king asking for forgiveness.   Nothing surprises me anymore.  Maybe Rush’s call screener should start by asking “two legs or four?”

Well Margaret, I hope you and Howard are staying warm.  It’s getting harder and harder to travel these days but I do hope we can plan a trip soon.  Know that I love you.  I mean it. Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | March 3, 2009

If the Republicans want new leadership, they simply need to flush

Margaret, do me a favor and ask that Republican husband of yours a quick question:  During this very difficult time for the country, who does he want in charge?  A Harvard law graduate and former constitutional law professor, or a disc jockey with a drug addiction who flunked out of college, divorced three wives and publicly made fun of a disabled person?  Because that is the choice we have between Barack Obama as leader of the free world and Rush Limbaugh as leader of the Republican party. 

Sure, you can try to justify Rush Limbaugh by citing the number of people who tune in their radios to hear him vocally masturbate each day – roughly the same number of people who think Bush was a great President.   But trust me, pandering to idiots isn’t anything to write home about.  All it takes is a microphone and a failing public education system.  If it wasn’t Rush, it would have been some other cynic who decided respect and honor is no substitution for fame and fortune.

In my opinion Rush Limbaugh is a piece of shit that really needs to be flushed.  But the Republican party has let him get so big, it’s going to take more than one flush to get rid of him.  Until then, the rest of us have to live with the smell.

Truly it must be embarrassing to admit to being a Republican these days.  Just look at your current list of alternative leaders to Limbaugh:

The Governor of Louisiana could barely form a complete sentence much less a meaningful metaphor.   The Governor of Alaska couldn’t handle an interview with Katie “What magazines do you read?” Couric.   Ann Coulter opens her mouth and instantly inserts a size 17 foot.  Karl Rove’s nickname in the Oval Office was Turd Blossom.  And finally, Mitch McConnell and John Boehner are so corrupt that their votes can be purchased for less money than a whore with lockjaw. 

It appears that without Bush starting a new war, the Republicans have nothing to offer the nation except Rush Limbaugh.  Which means the King of the Republicans is an aging college drop out who would prefer the nation fail rather than see his ratings drop.  So I ask the Republicans out there:  Which is it going to be?   Do you join us and try to salvage what is left of our great nation, or do you become just another inarticulate caller to the Rush Limbaugh show? Whatever your answer, at least remember to put the lid down before you leave.

That’s all I have folks.  Sorry it took me so long to get this one to the table.   It’s hard to laugh when so many are having such a hard time.  But laughter is better than cynicism any day so come back soon.  I mean it.  Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | February 23, 2009

Coulter and Bush sitting in a tree…K.I.S.S.I.N.G

Note From Helen:  I wrote this before Ann Coulter appeared on Larry King Live with  Joy Behar.  I am leaving my entry unchanged because I think many of you come here for the humor.  That said, I feel sorry for Ms. Coulter.  She seems so uncomfortable in her own skin.  She – like Rush Limbaugh – is  fine when hiding behind a book cover or a radio microphone.  But expose them to the light of day and they become defensive and nervous to the point of pathetic.  It’s sad really.  But they made their bed so I hope you enjoy this last installment of  my Hell ‘N Notes on Ann Coulter’s book, Guilty:  Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America.

_________________

Ann and George sitting in a tree…K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

Somebody should warn Laura Bush that a certain blonde fiction writer named Ann is really, really, really in-like with her husband.  First comes love.  Then comes marriage.  Then comes Coulter pushing a – oh gosh I just can’t go there.  I mean could you imagine the size of the feet on that child?

Margaret, I did it. I finished an Ann Coulter book…  Now there are six words surely never spoken before.  And having finished the book all I can say is, “What the hell was that?”

Is she kidding me?  This is what gets her to #1 on the New York Times Best Seller List?  What’s #2 – The Rush Limbaugh Diet?

The final chapter is some of the worst writing I have ever suffered through.  Evidently Ann is upset that Michelle Obama is considered prettier than Laura Bush.  What that has to do with anything is beyond me, but she then argues that Jackie Kennedy was only pretty because she looked like a Republican.  Now I take offense to that.  I remember Jackie Kennedy. Her feet were big but not nearly as big as Ann’s.

Most of the chapter is a long list of who Ann hates.  She hates ugly women. She hates most men especially if she suspects they are gay.  She hates anyone who doesn’t like Sarah Palin.  She hates Tina Fey.  She seems to hate everyone in Hollywood.  She hates the Dixie Chicks.  She hates Bill Clinton – a lot.

The final few pages are a laundry list of political assassinations throughout the nation’s history – Lincoln, Kennedy, Martin Luther King – with Ann making the argument that only liberals are capable of assassination.  And in one of the most bizarre conclusions I have ever heard, Ann states, “Based on history, Sean Hannity is at greater risk of being shot than Obama is.”  Oh Ann.  From your lips to God’s ears.

But seriously, I really did finish it.  The very last line is, “They’re not victims – they are guilty.”  The whole book reads about as eloquently and intelligently as that line.  Which is to say that the whole book reads like graffiti on a bathroom stall.

It occurs to me that Ann Coulter – like Rush Limbaugh – is quick to tell you what she hates and who she blames for what she hates.  She never seems to have any reasonable solutions nor can she point to anything she has done to make the situation better.  Ann, of course, has never done anything wrong.   Sadly as long as the world isn’t perfect we will have bottom feeders like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Whenever there is hatred in the world look for Ann in the background saying “I hate you more.”  Whenever there is injustice in the world know that Ann will be there not to lend a helping hand but rather to make sure  she can profit from it.  And whenever you hear about two monkeys and a sloth getting together with a typewriter know that either  another Coulter book is about to hit the bookstores or Rush Limbaugh is having an OxyContin hallucination.

I love you Margaret, but I will never read another Coulter book for you.  Need a kidney? I’m your gal.   But when it comes to Ann Coulter all I can say is:  Free at last.  Free at last.  Thank God Almighty I’m free at last.  I mean it.  Really.

Note from Margret:
Helen, dear, you are peach.  I can’t believe you were able to read that mess of a book.  If I remember correctly, all I said to you was “Who is Ann Coulter and why is she a New York Times Best Seller?”  I should have known this would be interpreted by you as a challenge.  I thank you for suiting up and going in there with both barrels loaded for bear…or should I say, Emu?  You have not only done me a service but have done the country a service.  You most certainly deserve a medal as many of the comments here have suggested.

So, while you were subjecting yourself to that crazy Ass Hat’s book, I too read a book.  Merv Griffin’s Book of People “From Where I Sit”.  What a charming man and such delightful stories.  Shall I send it to you, dear?

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