So I made some calls and found a copy of Ann Coulter’s new book at a used bookstore here in town. I was happy to know that my dollars would not go to support her, but I am a bit worried about a book that ended up in a used bookstore two weeks after it was published. Now Margaret told me she probably couldn’t find a Coulter book new, used or otherwise where she lives, so I told her to relax. I’ll read it and give her (and all of you) a summary here. Sort of a my version of the old Cliffs Notes concept. Do they still have those?
When I’m done anyone wanting the book can send me their address and we can mail it around until everyone has read it. That way no one has to actually buy it firsthand.
Anyway, here is the Hell ‘N Notes version of Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America by Ann Bigfoot Coulter
Chapter 1 – Liberal Motto: Speak Loudly and Carry a Small Victim
Now right off the bat I am a bit disappointed because Ann’s having a law degree led me to believe that she would be able to write intelligently. Apparently she can’t. I know they say that when you write for the masses you should strive for an 8th grade level vocabulary, but Ann must have lowered the standards a bit realizing she would be writing exclusively for an audience of right-wing conservatives. It appears she choose to write at an obedience school level. And even then she barely gets a passing grade in my book. Here is an example:
“Today there are more men who are sexually aroused by women in stiletto heels crushing live frogs to death while talking erotically to the frog than there are members of the Ku Klux Klan.”
Basically this first chapter is Ann’s attempt to make the case that racism really doesn’t exist and victims really aren’t victims. According to Ann you should never help a victim because they are either lying about being victimized or they deserved it. Seriously. But then she does an immediate about-face and says the only real victims in the world are (were) “George Bush, the duke Lacrosse players, Joe McCarthy, Jesse Helms, Tom Delay, the Swift Boat Veterans, and Sarah Palin.”
Then she writes a few pages dedicated to Fox News which she suggests is the most respected and respectable news outlet in the universe. To prove it she points to the fact that it has higher ratings than MSNBC. There seems to be no apparent reason for the pages about Fox News. I can only assume those pages guarantee her a closed desk when she appears on Hannity and Colmes so her feet don’t show up on camera.
Now I know you think I am exaggerating or otherwise misrepresenting Ann’s words but honestly the woman really is an amazing yarn teller. She suggests the O.J. verdict is proof that racism doesn’t exist and Barack Obama was race-baiting when he referred to himself as black because he should have described himself as “half white”.
Really. You can’t make this stuff up – unless you are Ann Coulter. My favorite part is when she claims “the poor” are actually counterfeit victims. That’s right folks – George Bush and Tom Delay can be victims but a poor person is either lying about being poor or deserves to be poor. Well I am glad Ms. Coulter has lots of money because when you are poor it is hard to afford designer shoes in a size 17ww. By the way, for some unknown reason Ann likes to put lots of individual words in quotations like “poor” and “racism” to suggest that those concepts really don’t exist. It’s an awkward writing style and kind of bothered me as a reader, but maybe Ann is just “smarter” than I am.
Her concepts are vague and she tends to paint with very broad strokes… sort of like a kindergarten student. Considering Ann didn’t go to kindergarten, opting instead for obedience school, all I have left to say is: Down Girl. Down… Now stay.
Well that’s all I’ve read so far. It was only one chapter but the book reads like a grade school primer so I imagine this series of posts won’t take too much time. Do come back soon. I mean it. Really.