For those of you just joining us, I am summarizing Ann Coulter’s new book for my friend Margaret so she doesn’t have to buy it herself. It’s kind of my version of Cliffs Notes except I call it Hell ‘N Notes because reading an Ann Coulter book is like visiting hell… only this time the devil wears Prada in a ladies shoe size 17. They should give me a medal for this kind of sacrifice!
Chapter 2 – Victim of a crime? Thank a single mother
Now Margaret this next chapter is fantastic. It is some of the most creative writing I have ever read. You probably had to have been dropped on your head a few times as a baby to follow her logic, but clearly Ann’s head doubled as her father’s basketball while growing up because she seems to actually believe what she’s written.
Let’s start first with the title of the chapter - calling upon victims of crime to place the blame on single mothers. Considering her entire first chapter was a thesis on how there are no real victims in the world, I am left scratching my head. Which is it Ann - victims or no victims?
According to Ann, single mothers give birth to the lowest forms of life ever to walk the face of the earth. And again I am left scratching my head because at the same time she makes the case that we shouldn’t teach children about birth control. And then, for no apparent reason except that maybe she gets paid by the word, she throws in a paragraph or two about how abused women have only themselves to blame because they date bald men with tattoos and everyone knows that bald men with tattoos abuse women. Conclusion – don’t date Bruce Willis? Ouch. My head hurts reading this shit.
I am only on the second chapter which means that Ann has five more chapters to outdo herself. However, I find it hard to believe she can top this next part as her crownning achievment as a bitch: on pages 51-52 Ann lists seven cases of single mothers killing their own children. In two of the cases Ann found it appropriate to make a joke. No kidding. She made jokes about murdered children. Don’t believe me? I’ll type one of the cases here without edit:
In 1998, twenty-five-year-old single mother Tami Lynn Richards left her two children, three and one and a half years old, alone in their apartment while she went to a bar to drink and listen to a band. One of the boys set a fire when he was playing with matches he found in the apartment. Both boys died. On the other hand, from what I hear, the bar band was pretty awesome.
Gee. Do you think that Ann came up with that last joke before or after she danced on the kids’ graves? I find it odd that she is making the case that children of single mothers overwhelmingly grow up to be criminals and yet argues the case by giving examples of children of single women who were murdered long before they grew up to become these reputed criminals. Seriously folks, this is one hell of a messed up broad. Applying some of Ann’s amazing logic, I can now emphatically declare that all skinny white bitches with abnormally large feet named Ann Coulter grow up to hate children. And if you give me enough time I am sure I can site a report or study to prove that point.
But truly Ann is one of the great “thinkers” of our time. She doesn’t just list what is wrong with the world; She also has the answer that will make everything right again. Her well thought out solution? Keep your knees together before marriage.
I had to put the book down and go over to the computer to look something up at this point – OK, got it. Ann Hart Coulter was born on December 8, 1961. She has never married. So Ann is 47 years old and hopelessly single. Conclusion – men don’t want to have sex with a bitch who has enormous feet. So back to the book…
I read the rest of the chapter because I said I would and I do what I say… regardless of how much it hurts. But Coulter is some kind of crazy and it is hard to sum it all up without sounding like I am being unfair to her. In truth she makes some very interesting observations. Of course, some people find war reenactments interesting so it’s all kind of relative if you think about it. Here are a few examples of Coulter’s brilliant mind at work:
Single mothers are worse than cigarette companies – page 59
Children of single mothers become rapists and serial killers – page 61
Shotgun weddings should be celebrated – page 71
Ann Coulter has gigantic feet – jacket cover
Actually you can’t see her feet on the jacket cover but you know they are there, big as ever. Basically Ann’s entire argument consists of finding a few dozen cases where a single mother or her child made a really bad decision and then conclude quite literally that single mothers in general are the absolute worst problem facing the world today. Evidently she hasn’t paid much attention to the little problems we are facing like war, pestilence, famine and Sarah Palin. By the way, isn’t Sarah Palin’s daughter a single mother? I wonder how long before the grandkid grows up and kills someone? The hypocrisy is frightening. But I am sure Ann must have her reasons for spewing so much vile and misleading information. Of course, until I have actually walked in her shoes, I will never fully understand the burden of freakishly large feet and how that might warp one’s outlook on the world.
For those of you who think I am being a bit hard on Ann and in particular her gigantic feet, let me spell it out for you. You know what they say about big feet right? Well, in Ann’s case the shoes fit. Here is the other joke she made about murdered children. Reprinted without edit:
In 2003, single mother Amanda Hamm, twenty-seven years old, drowned her three young sons, aged six, three and twenty-three months, so she could move to St. Louis with her boyfriend. It would have been a lot of trouble to bring the boys with them. Apparently, the prospect of hearing “are we there yet?” for eight hours was just too daunting for Amanda.
So you tell me. Am I being too hard on her?
Well Margaret, that brings us to the conclusion of another chapter from the best selling author, Ann Sasquatch Coulter. I think I’ll go pour myself a strong drink and pull out my fingernails. But do come back soon because I will eventually find the strength to read the next chapter. I mean it. Really.
Okay, a few things… not that pointing out Ann’s circular logic will surprise people.
If single mothers are in fact the lowest form of being on the planet, then abortion is good, should be legal, and should in fact be encouraged. Right? Oh wait, you can’t have an abortion either.
Ann says that you should keep your legs crossed before you’re married. I’m sure that means that Ann herself is a virgin, and a real one, not one of those “technical virgins” who will do everything but have vaginal intercourse. I’m sure that she’s never had sex, used a condom or isn’t on the pill. Riiiiiiiiiight.
And only dudes who wear wifebeaters and have tattoos are abusive. Therefore they should be easy to spot. Women of the world should simply steer clear of mullets and there would be no more domestic violence. Wealthy people NEVER abuse their children.
If you have suddenly woken up next to one of these tattooed, mulleted wifebeaters, it is better for you to simply stay married to him, lest you become a single mother.
Uh huh……… maybe some day she’ll run for office and her personal life will be up for public debate. Annie, that’s what we liblabs like to call “Karma.” Ask Bill Ayers to explain it to you, sweetie.
By: Nancy on February 4, 2009
at 5:28 PM
I can’t WAIT for the chapter where she starts railing on us single Dads! LOL
Great stuff as always.
By: Houston Dunleavy on February 4, 2009
at 1:43 PM
Right on, Judy!!!!
Just read Margaret and Helen’s Posts…leave the comments to the wedgies…..
By: HLP on February 4, 2009
at 9:43 AM
This single mom takes great offense at this. My daughters are the light of my life, both productive, kind, giving human beings. Ann can go stuff it.
By: larkohio on February 4, 2009
at 9:38 AM
While I enjoy Helen’s writing enormously, I felt bad for Paula way up there in the comments because really, you people with the wedges are a very exclusive community here. I know you’ll laugh at me and call me a troll, which is what you seem to do to everyone who disagrees with anything you say. Although I do tend to agree with your politics, I think that those who don’t should also have the right to express themselves. And you’ve turned this blog into your own little forum, which I’m sure helps Helen and Margaret’s numbers, but really isn’t what blogs are about. Truthfully I never read your comments because your supercilious attitudes piss me off, and the few times I have attempted to join in, I’ve been politely snubbed and/or ignored. I’ve even considered giving up reading the blog because when I do, I remember how disagreeable you people are to any outsiders, and it makes me feel unhappy, and life is too short to waste being unhappy over anything like that.
I don’t even know why I’m saying this, other than I thought Paula might need some reinforcement. And everyone else who has ever had the nerve to not bow down to the hierarchy of the people with the wedges.
By: Judy on February 4, 2009
at 9:31 AM
Time to move on, Folks!
By: HLP on February 4, 2009
at 9:18 AM
And one more thing for thought:
Lead causes braindamage, never mind if you shoot it into the brain or digest it!
By: Werner Oderwer on February 4, 2009
at 9:16 AM
Well, well UWA
So slavery is perfect and we’d kill natives for land too….?
Sorry guy, but wake up, this is 2009, NOT 1709!
Keep Lead out of the environment, melt down all guns!!!
Well that’s the other extreme, but I still think the world would be a better place when we could get rid of firearms……. if you have to fight, use your fists or a stick…. or try words for a change!
By: Werner Oderwer on February 4, 2009
at 9:15 AM
Werner…Canadian gun laws…
Go to Colonial Williamsburg sometime…
take the tour..
The militia is composed of every male between the ages of 16 and 60 unless they are disabled or felons…yearly training req. Each individual is req. to have a lb. of powder and 4 lb of lead. By law…
Expand this rule to today and with equal opportunity then every school should have a firearm safety and profiecency class. For both sexes.. Just like PE or civics. And be required by law to keep a gun at home. This is for the protection of the home and area while WAITING for the authorities which you then assist.
what happened to JuneauJoes daughter was terrible but what is worse is the layers who will get him off or put on probation,or the shrinks… what he deserves is a piece of the 4lbs of lead.
By: UAW Tradesman on February 4, 2009
at 9:04 AM
And always remember
for us humans (and monkeys) Flying NEVER was a problem, just the landings got us “down”!
OR as to say iot with Douglas Adams:
When you want to flym the trick is rather particular, just fling yourself at the ground and MISS!
Many happy landings
By: Werner Oderwer on February 4, 2009
at 9:03 AM
Charles
….
I’m finally a flying monkey
…..
Congraz to getting that kite
LOL
By: Werner Oderwer on February 4, 2009
at 8:59 AM
Julie the Jewel
for starters we would only need 3 different lavels of an existing, best older, library as an architectual plan, do you think your son could dig something up like that? He is in the field and my have access to images that we can’t find on the web, my first few searches where rather disapointing..
Once we got the plans we than could start on our own copying to pics into the room (microscope, foot under toilet wall tec. etc.)
And than after the insde decorations are done we can look further to connect these plans to a fromnt/entry page…..
But for starters it could be rather helpfull if he could come up with something (images we could work on) or send us in the right direction on where to search….
Think you could ask once more without getting into trouble?
For the entrance thing we will find something we can work on and we’re a buch of people so I think we’d manage.
I am 3/4 blind and by this no use in drawing / painting but I can organice and motivate people pretty good, so let’s see what we can work out.
By: Werner Oderwer on February 4, 2009
at 8:36 AM
Thanks for the delta Greytdog….I had some help and got my identity back! Please , someone help themselves to the wedge of pie Greytdog has provided. Ann
By: AnnΔ on February 4, 2009
at 7:20 AM
Julie, me too. In the meantime, though, here’s something from my early morning ramble through the various news on line – this is from The Daily Kos http://www.dailykos.com/
David Cay Johnston, in a Q & A regarding the current economic problems including high roller bonuses states:
Amy Goodman: David Cay Johnston, the issue of these Wall Street firms who have gotten bailout money giving $18 billion in bonuses?
Johnston: Well, first of all, why aren’t we letting companies fail? What is it the government knows that we don’t know, that in a capitalist system they are not allowing failed enterprises to fail, including banks, and then you clean up after them? This does not make a lot of sense. We’ve spent vastly more than we should have needed to already, and yet they’re asking for more. Paying bonuses when a company loses money—maybe there’s an individual trader whose unit made a profit, and he’s entitled to a bonus, but none of the senior executives and the overlay at the top. It’s unbelievable they did this.
And Congress can deal with this, by the way. Congress can pass a retroactive tax law. This isn’t like criminal law. After all, Congress passed, and Senator Grassley supported, a retroactive tax increase on students who saved money to pay for their college education. Well, if we can retroactively raise taxes on students who saved money for their college education, by golly, Congress can go after these guys and tax away that money. The tone deafness of this is just utterly beyond belief.
Makes sense to me, but then I’m no high roller and the last time I made a bonus I was able to treat my pups to their wonderful new screaming monkey toys. . .
By: Greytdog Δ on February 4, 2009
at 5:48 AM
I’m ready for Helen’s next post. I think the comments on this one have played out.
By: Julie the JewelΔ on February 3, 2009
at 9:34 PM
[...] Read the entire insightful post here. [...]
By: SatAnn Coulterbeast: A Hideous Creature, Easy To Despise « girl du jour on February 3, 2009
at 9:30 PM
If Helen is as smart as I think she is…
The big feet bit is meant to emphaisze the absurdity of Ann Coulter. In a previous post she mentions that big is relative compared to what you think normal size feet are for women. Helen calling Ann big foot is no different than Ann calling all liberals stupid. Neither argument has merit.
I think Helen makes her point beautiffuly. All of this is, of course, MHO.
By: Cherry on February 3, 2009
at 9:26 PM
annishka aka AnnΔ, here add this ~ Δ ~ if you’d like
Still trying to figure all the wordpress steps for anonymousbloggers. . . too tired to think about it 2night.
By: Greytdog Δ on February 3, 2009
at 9:02 PM
Joe,
That Strap on Ann Coulter site was hilarious!
By: Julie the Jewel on February 3, 2009
at 8:36 PM
Pretty cool Charles!
Sanjay, thanks for the “theatre of the absurd” moment! ROFL!
And to Chloe: Your mom did good – you have your head on straight and I like your spirit – what a living legacy you are – I’m sure your mom and sister are very very proud of you. Have some pie – and stick around, would ya?
UAW – I’m a dyed in the wool, birthright Democrat and unrepentant Union supporter. BUT that doesn’t mean that I can’t see both sides of an issue, and that I turn a blind eye or become mute whenever abuses occur – I have oft despaired about the way unions have been run since about the mid-70s – and that the leaders of the union seemed to have forgotten the very purpose of their organization. I don’t like any organization, group, country that expects its members/citizens to march in lockstep to its ideology. My brother was in the Teamsters during college – had to be in order to work in a major grocery chain warehouse – he often talked about the abuses and BS; my uncles and cousins are in the UMW, and another uncle, now deceased, was a lifelong UAW member. But none of them marched in lockstep with the union bosses, and all of them spoke out, and spoke up. I hope you will refuse to let the bully boys of your union silence you or move you aside. Remind them what the union is about – and I can promise you this – if ya need a posse to back you up, we’ll ride into town
By: Greytdog Δ on February 3, 2009
at 8:27 PM
And Charles ! I did not even read your post since you were writing it when I was.Any way we try to name after a deceased person … a very observant friend and I would like our souls to find each other again(corny, you say). We thought we might have to do it by requesting our names be given but not to a brother and sister and after the last one of us goes so we can be the right ages. We decided that it probably did not work like that.
By: annishka on February 3, 2009
at 8:20 PM
Hello I am incognito since joining wordpress….I had to change my name and they took my wedgie…..formerly known as AnnΔ …funny after all the Delta jealousy! Sanjay: isn’t it time you headed back to Oz?
By: annishka on February 3, 2009
at 8:13 PM
On a more sincere note, I have been thinking not only of words but the power that we grant words and the connection that words have to our existence as well as our perception.
I am reading a book about how the Nazis attacked the ontological basis of the Jewish people by taking away their names and giving them numbers. That the concept of names, were that they were given to their parents through divine inspiration, that their parents didn’t just name them. First the Nazis in the late thirties forced the Jewish population to add a name to their own name, depending on their sex and then by the time they were forced into the camps they were given numbers and had to identify themselves by their number and in German.
For a religion, who’s mysticism is so strongly based on language, the alphabet and the symbolism of each letter…that must have been completely stripping of any sense of humanity, of any sense of connection to the divine.
I have just started this book but this thought which I read last night has resonated with my all day.
By: Charles on February 3, 2009
at 8:13 PM
I’m finally a flying monkey
I have a lot of stuffed monkeys, I like monkeys and now I am a flying one.
How cool is that???
By: Charles on February 3, 2009
at 8:07 PM
Sanjay: This one is for you!
http://www.hoolinet.com/StrapOnVets/tabid/278/Default.aspx
Enjoy it!
UAW: You gett your retirement?
8 YEARS OF REPUBLICANS HAS CREATED A TREMENDOUS MESS! Economy, Ethics, Jobs sent overseas, Environmental issues, Constitutional Issues, Katrina, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Health Care, Education as a partial list. GW and his Repub friends have destroyed the economy and then blamed the democrats.
I truly feel that the democrats will do better! Will they be perfect – NO! I do feel President Obama is more in tune with the average person who is simply getting by and HOPING THEY CAN RETIRE AT SOME POINT!
By: JuneauJoe Δ on February 3, 2009
at 7:49 PM
Found this @ crooksandliars.com:
“D.L. Hughley’s take in re to Blagojavich et al:
Hughley: Now I listened to those tapes and I’m not going to hide my affinity for this guy. I never met him before then but to me we have become such a trivial place that we will impeach a man for having sex, or lying about having sex with a woman. In California we will impeach a guy because he raises taxes on license plates because energy gets out of control. We’ll impeach a guy for saying some things on tape. But a man can take us to war and lie and we won’t do a damn thing about that. That makes me so mad.”
By: Greytdog Δ on February 3, 2009
at 7:42 PM
UAW wrote: “reading posts, I sometimes get the impression that Repubs can do no right and Dems can do no wrong…”
hmmm…welcome to the liberal’s world where everything we do is considered wrong, and when things go correctly. . . it’s a gift from the Unseen God.
Actually though, reading the posts on this particular section, I’d have to (sorta) agree (gagging here but trying to smile) – the major carp-fest turned my stomach. It reminded me of the first time I went down to the local Planned Parenthood to work as volunteer security – and was told, whatever you do, do not react, do not engage in the rhetoric, do not above all else lower yourself to the vileness that will be slung your way. That advice has served me well on several occasions –
Well, y’all continue your discussion – I’m gonna grab my scraper and start working on the mud that’s been flung around here. Oh, and there’s pie on the table (actually it’s a french silk chocolate mousse pie with homemade whipped cream)
By: Greytdog Δ on February 3, 2009
at 7:19 PM
Δ ~ Delta (letter)
Oops! I wish my spell checker checked my HTML. Hey Matthew, how about a ‘Preview’ button?
Δ
By: Whirled Peas Δ on February 3, 2009
at 7:04 PM
More on the ‘Wedgie’ / Δ
It’s multidimensional with many interconnected meanings.
Yes it does look like a piece of pie and is easily recognizable as a symbol of being part of a larger whole.
Δ ~ Delta (letter)
-
The comment section of a blog is a perfect representation of the physical, geographical formation of
a ‘River Delta’
‘A Delta (comments section) is a landform that is created at the mouth of a river (blog) where that river flows into an ocean, sea, estuary, lake, or reservoir or another river (blogosphere).’
They’re usually very fertile.
Of interest: In legal shorthand, Δ stands for a defendant.
~Δ~
By: Whirled Peas Δ on February 3, 2009
at 6:59 PM
What is the obsession with Coulter’s feet? Is this some sort of fetish thing I’m not into?
And did someone mention trolls? I don’t think Margaret and Helen are going to like that. I’ve seen their pictures. Yikes!
By: Tim on February 3, 2009
at 6:50 PM