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Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 25, 2014

Helen’s Thanksgiving Letter to the Family 2014

Dear Family,

This Thanksgiving I am thankful some of you have decided to go to a football game rather than gather for the traditional meal.  It means I have that many less gifts to buy this Christmas.

I am also thankful that I stopped calling myself a housewife years ago.  Those Botox bimbos on that Bravo show have managed to ruin an otherwise perfectly good profession.    I’d like to see the sorry excuse of a take-out meal they cook up for Thanksgiving.  Housewives my ass. Bless their hearts, most of them seem more suited for the world’s oldest profession anyway.

And speaking of the oldest profession, I am truly thankful that none of my granddaughters dress like a Kardashian.  That Kim became famous for putting her private moments on the internet web for the whole world to see.  We used to call that pornography but today they call it social media.   My goodness how the world has changed.  I’ll be even more thankful when her fifteen minutes…weeks…years….. are finally up because in my book she’s a glorified adult movie star.  I do, however, like her backside.  A woman with a healthy bottom can’t be all bad… as long as it got that way eating pie.

This year I am particularly thankful Sarah Palin never became Vice President. Bless her heart, she can’t help being stupid, but she really should just stay home.

And speaking of staying home, I am thankful that all of you are coming to my house to spend another holiday with me.  I’m a little older so there will be fewer rules.  One rule remains, however.  If you are vehemently vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, dairy free, sugar-free or just plain fat-free… don’t come.

Last year I told you there was no such thing as a gluten-free Thanksgiving.  A few of you got a little upset over that.   Well I used to have a handle on life but it broke.  So I suggest you get over it and have some stuffing.  If you can find the gluten, you are welcome to pick it out and push it aside.  We can feed it to the dog.  But if you are vegetarian there is bacon in pretty much everything so your going to starve to death sticking to your convictions.

A few years ago I switched to the 2-liter bottles of soda, hoping to cut down on the waste.   Instead of cutting down on the waste, we just increased the spills.  This year I am thankful for those new tiny cans of Coca-Cola.   After years of throwing away half-empty cans the grandkids opened and then forgot about after two sips, I’ll gladly spend a little more to give a little less.

Oh and thank goodness brussels sprouts have made a comeback.  Now I have something to feed the vegetarian… no wait.  I cook them in bacon grease.  Sorry about that.  I guess if you want a salad honey, bring your own… unless it’s Jell-O salad.  If you bring Jell-O salad to my front door, just keep walking to my back door.  You’ll find the trash can on the patio to your left.  Jell-O salad looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ under the porch and I’ve got no use for salad of any kind except chicken or egg.

We’ve got two new babies in the family this year so  I’ll remind everyone of the rules.  If you change a dirty diaper while you’re here, take it with you when you leave.  The trash man doesn’t come until Tuesday.  I don’t come to your house and forget to flush the toilet so you don’t need to come to my house and leave a pile of poop in my can.  And your children are cute but capturing their every moment on the camera is just setting them up for  that social media nightmare I mentioned above.  Put your camera away so the rest of us can relax and let a notch or two out on our belts.

As much as I don’t agree, I am aware that parenting has become optional these days.  But if I can still cook a meal like this at my age then the least you can do is humor me long enough to mange your child’s plate.  I can’t stand watching half my meal end up in the trash because your child’s eyes were bigger than your husband’s stomach.

Finally, I would like to remind you that all cell phones go into the basket in the entry way.  You can pick them up on your way out.  If I catch one kid texting at the dinner table, the turkey goes into the fridge and everyone goes home on an empty stomach.

And now that I have gotten my crankiness out of the way, let me say that I am very thankful to have you in my family.  Your grandfather, God rest his soul, loved a big meal.  We’re having the same meal his mother used to make and the one I made for him every year of our marriage: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes made with real cream, sweet corn, candied yams, roasted brussels sprouts, green beans, cranberry sauce, homemade bread, pumpkin pie, apple pie, pecan pie and a nap.

I told you not to worry about bringing anything but your appetite.  I meant it.  Really.

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Responses

  1. sdf

    Like

  2. Thanks so much, Terri… We have no idea what may have happened to Margaret and Helen, but some of us are still here. At this point, it all means… A LOT. So great to hear from you… Grateful!

    Gato

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Gato,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your recent losses. It’s tough to lose people we care about. My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. .
    If you’ve lost Glenn Beck…”
    .

    .
    :0

    Like

  5. geez Terri…I’m wrong again—HUH…..

    you still haven’t explained how Hillary destroying 30,000+ e-mail is any different(if not worse) than Nixon(18 min)…and don’t forget Bengazi and some horse$hit about a movie(he got a year in jail)

    as far as Cruz signing up for Obamacare; maybe he did it to prove just how screwed-up it is.
    First he said: ”We’ll be getting new health insurance, and we’ll presumably do it through my job with the Senate, and so we’ll be on the federal exchange with millions of others on the federal exchange.”

    And then he said: “I believe we should follow the text of the law.”

    http://www.newrepublic.com/article/121428/ted-cruz-obamacare-enrollment-gop-presidential-primary-ploy

    that said…..go Walker/2016

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  6. Hi, Terri in NY – I’m still here, sort of! Been a “challenging” bunch of months. I think that’s what some of us say when we just can’t quite grasp what’s come our way. The last two members of my family both died in less than five weeks last month, in SC, and I seem to now be in charge of all their “stuff.”
    I can handle that; just not sure how to “handle” the sorrow…

    Just wanted to check in…

    Gato

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  7. Sorry UAW, as usual you are wrong. The Cruz clan could have easily signed up for private insurance without going through Obamacare. And you’re wrong about everything else, but I csn’t be bothered correcting you.

    Like

  8. Try, try again…

    Hey Pi,

    You and your mom are in our prayers. Stay strong.

    With that:

    God Speaks

    Peace ~ Δ

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ah, UAW… You’re still here!

    I don’t suppose those unemployment stats could be the result of anything like, say, corporate outsourcing, union busting, lack of education, or general demographics, could they…? No, they must be entirely caused by the left-wing, gay-loving, atheist, unborn-killing, anti-Murrican “libtards” and the Kenyan usurper, huh?

    Just thought I’d get these Spring holidays off to a perky start!

    Gato (also still here, sometimes)

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  10. http://cnsnews.com/news/article/ali-meyer/americans-not-labor-force-exceed-93-million-first-time-627-labor-force

    http://247wallst.com/economy/2015/04/03/us-growth-forecast-chopped-to-zero/

    http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2015/04/03/rand-paul-has-j-c-watts-in-his-corner/?_r=0

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  11. as far as the economy and employment

    http://cnsnews.com/news/article/ali-meyer/americans-not-labor-force-exceed-93-million-first-time-627-labor-force

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  12. Benghazi….What difference does it make

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  13. if you want to bitch about someone NOT following the law let’s talk about Hillary and her e-mails…… Nixon and 18 min of tapes VS 50,000 e-mails—–and she got kicked of of the Nixon investigation for fabricating evidence

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  14. Ted Cruz signed up for Obamacare because it’s the law…. you would have bitched if he hadn’t….talk about hypocrites…..

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  15. Helen and Margaret, may you be well dears.

    To the rest of you: What a sweet blog this has turned into (or at least is in this moment). Thank you SO much for the music links to the Carters and to the Yoiking.

    It’s been so long since I last posted I don’t remember what handle I was using, so here’s my name.

    Like

  16. Ted Cruz and family just signed uo for Obamacare! What a hypocrite!

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  17. szia to Alaska and James

    Bocsánat to Alaska

    to Alaska’s ma…Béke legyen veled!

    to Harry Reid…Isten dugjon egy ló kakas fel a seggét

    Like

  18. Here is another. The Sami joik or shamanistic chant and related music were banned because they were of the devil. Now, Sami have learned to adapt this music into pop songs and get rich.

    Sofia Jannok has been described as a woman of steel. She interrupts her concerts with political chatter. She is starting a foundation to help the world’s indigenous people survive.

    In the song, she is telling how they searched for her Aunt irene’s reindeer herd and how they counted and tagged them. Most of the rest of the song is a joik chant. When someone joiks, he/she is not singing about something. The singer becomes the song. Part of the video is in the Ice Hotel.

    Even though Sofia is a big star some people still call her a mongoloid mongrel.

    You have been one of the best things about this blog.

    Like

  19. Thankyou, Alaskapi. I’m glad you liked it. There will be no pretend shama false dreams from me, as you know. I am not even especially religious. I do like the music and their culture.

    Here is another present. Jousnen Jarved are Russian Veps related to the Finns and Sami. Only about 8,000 remain. These singers formed a group to help preserve their culture. Some call themselves white American Indians.

    They are genetically and physically as close to any people living to the Ice Age “Cro- Magnons”

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  20. Quyanaa, James, thank you.
    Ma’s leaving is very close now. Two days, three days… very soon.

    Also- there is nothing wrong, unethical, unacceptable about claiming your heritage … unlessing of course you turn into one of those phony shaman hoo-hoo-purveyor- of-false-dreams types which I don’t think you would ever do 🙂

    To you-Tang’rciqamken

    To Ma- Tang’rciqamken camiku

    http://alutiiqmuseum.org/word-of-the-week-archive/383-goodbye.html

    We miss you Helen and Margaret! Quyanaasinaq, Helen and Margaret, thank you very much for this place.

    Like

  21. http://tinyurl.com/nlk5laz

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    Like

  22. I forgot to include my name,

    Like

  23. I haven’t looked in since last November. It is good to see UAW tradesman is still sending some truth to this blog.,

    Our grand daughter has entered a language explosion. Doctors still don’t know why she is doing so well. In early Jan. she could speak 8 words, in early Feb the total was 20. Now it is over 70 and she can speak in short sentences.

    An ancestry,com genetic test shows I am mostly Scandinavian and British as we already know, but I am also 13% Asian, mostly from the Sami who though many are blond and blue eyed are up to 30% Asian,

    If Elizabeth Warren can claim to be Indian, I can say I am Sami. The Finish side of my family lied and said they were Swedes, but they looked like Swedes, even with Asian eyes.

    While skimming, I read Alaskapi’s (SP) mother was in dire straights. This one is for you with my sympathy, Alaskapi.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. and on a different note

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  25. and look at the economy after 4 years of the Dems running things…took only 2 years to drive us into one of our worst recessions.

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  26. The U3 unemployment is 5.5%
    The U6 unemployment is 11%
    But 295,000 jobs added….let’s give some credit to the House and Senate
    Scott Walker/2016

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  27. Unemployment down to 5.5%, 295,000 jobs added in February. How about a little credit for President Obama and his economic policies? And let’s not forget what happened to the economy last time we had a Republican president. Just sayin’.

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  28. Pi, I’m sorry for your ma’s declining health. Part of life, but still hard.

    Gato, where are you? Did you give up on us slackers?

    Terri, you’ve been clobbered a few times by snow this year. I hope you get an early spring!

    I’ve pretty much given up on political blogs. It’s the same song day after day all over the place. So much else going on in my world, not all good, and I’d just rather spend my energy elsewhere. Looks like Obama Term2 is moving much more in the direction I wish we’d have been able to see in the first term but I do understand the factors at play. Apparently others are noticing because his numbers are good. By the way, did any of you have your insurance increase less (again) than prior years? Me too! Woo hoo! After a good 15 years of double digit rate increases I’m relieved it has slowed. Here’s hoping future refinements of the ACA get us to a good and sensible place.

    Margaret and Helen, I do hope you’re in good health and even better company.

    Like

  29. alaskapi – sorry to hear about your mom. May she have a smooth peaceful passing.

    Yes all the nice things we may say or do after a person leaves us does nothing for them. If you can’t say it to them while they are living…forget it.

    Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. No- Ms Warren did not lie about Native heritage unless you believe the crap on Breitbart and similar other venues.
    The world of what constitutes legal Native status vs the crapola records kept by various entities even as recent as 2-3 generations ago is huge, UAW.
    My grammy’s adoptive family lied about her percent of Aluutiq heritage to get her into a non-reservation school back around 1910- a lie which alternately caused her grief and not for the rest of her life and has created speed bumps in legal issues for her descendants ever since… especially in the post Alaska Native Claims Settlement Act era here.

    Anyway… Helen and Margaret- sending best wishes and hoping we’ll hear from you soon.
    And all porch visitors-
    My mother is in hospice care and various events in the last few days have reminded me that it is so very important to ” give me roses while I live…”

    Best wishes to all who stop by here

    Like

  31. WHAT….You mean the same Elizabeth Warren that lied about being a Native American……haven’t we had enough false claims of racism ….maybe Scott should also claim Indian heritage .

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  32. UAW- you are a pill!!!
    Scott Walker?! Yech, yech, yech!!!!
    Elizabeth Warren all the way!!!

    Like

  33. Scott Walker/2016

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Hi Helen. And Margaret. How ‘ bout a word or two about Iowa?

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  35. Hey Gato,
    Nice to hear from you! I agree, the SOTU speech was very, very good. And Obama finally touted some of his achievements, which obviouslly pissed off the GOP (and delighted me). The disrespect shown to this president is appalling and he seems to handle it amazingly well. I think his calm, unfuffled demeanor is one of his best characteristics. I can’t believe Mitt is running again. Apparently he feels he and his wife are entitled to occupy the White House. I don’t think much of the rest of the potential GOP candidates either. Hopefully the economy will continue to improve and it will be smooth sailing in 2016 for the Democratic candidate, whoever it turns out to be.

    I hear CT will be getting clobbered by tomorrow’s snowstorm. Only 7-14 inches predicted for upstate. Stay safe!

    Like

  36. Hi, Terri – You’re still there! Me, too. And looks like Pi & UAW are, too, and didn’t I see something from Auntie Jean not all that long ago…?

    Thought the SOTU was pretty terrific. And I did love his “Yes; I won them both” remark. This Prez has let SO MUCH disrespect just roll off him; I don’t know how he’s done it, but it’s monumentally admirable. Hard to believe that Mittens might run again, and that another Bush may run… And how did Joni Ernst keep that constant smile going all through her “rebuttal”? Guess there’s not much nuance required, whether you’re talking about cutting off pig testicles or taking health care away from millions of Americans.

    Hope all is well with you!

    Gato

    Liked by 1 person

  37. […] their minds, clearly not worried about repercussions from even their closest family members.  Helen’s 2014 Thanksgiving letter gives us a taste.  Here’s a few choice words by Helen:  Housewives my ass.  Bless their […]

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  38. Looking forward to the State of the Union by President Obama. Economy improving, unemployment down, stock market at record highs–might be time to spike the ball!

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  39. WOW! UAW- thank you! Majorly cool! Had never heard them.

    Just cuz we all live on the same rock and sometimes we do need each other

    Take care my friend.
    You too, Helen and Margaret.
    And all those who stop by hoping the ladies will treat us all to a bit of their good sense and great humor.
    Thank you for having us all in , ladies.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. glad you liked the seagulls Alaskapi
    have you heard the 2cellos

    Liked by 1 person

  41. My favorite thing about the Thanksgiving posts, and why I come back to read the comments months later, are the people who get all offended by the gluten remarks. Every year, this blog goes a liiiiiittle bit further with the anti gluten remarks, in response to all of the “outrage” over the internet (I believe, at least) and it makes me giggle every time.

    Like

  42. Love, love, love your blog. Wish you posted more often.

    Like

  43. UAW- that steve’n’the seagulls dealie was wonderful!!! sending link to friends who will get a kick out of the mando,banjo, bass rendition ! Thank you!

    Happy new Year!!!

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  44. Hi Alaska…
    Happy New Year….
    doesn’t want me to post any more You tubes but check out thunderstruck by steve’n’seagulls

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Happy New Year Helen and Margaret and all the folks who visit here!

    Liked by 1 person

  46. And a very HAPPY NEW YEAR to all! (And more pie…)

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Merry Christmas to all the pie eaters gathered on the porch! Live long, prosper and eat lots of pie!

    Liked by 1 person

  48. And to all of us, indeed!

    As Tiny Tim supposedly said, “God bless us, every one!”

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Merry Christmas to all

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Pi! And Cynthia! A couple of names I recognize… That’s all we have here, isn’t it? Our NAMES… Whether they’re real or not… So glad to see stirrings on the porch. Thank you.

    These are dark times here in the US of A… Even as the Light begins to return, now that the Winter Solstice has happened, as it does every blessed year.

    This “porch” has meant a lot to me… I have my own blog, and I’ve been just too much of a weenie to put anything on it for quite a long time now. Posting here is so much easier.

    I must screw together my courage, and speak out – because, as I said, these are dark times here. And they’ll get darker without our lights.

    Well! On that cheery note, I wish everyone, especially Margaret and Helen, and Matthew, whether they’re real or not, all courage, all hope, all love, and all the best of everything…

    Happy Holidays!

    Gato

    Liked by 1 person

  51. you too Cynthia!
    Merry Christmas Helen and Margaret !
    And to all the folks who stop by here!

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

    Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. […] Helen’s Thanksgiving Letter to the Family 2014 […]

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  54. Way better than Ozzie there UAW! Damn fine mandolin !

    here’s one of my favorite stories, told by one of my favorite musicians…

    Helen is just a smart woman. Smart has no thing to do with right and left… but don’t be telling anyone I said some conservatives might be smart, eh? 😉

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  55. I’m thinking Helen is a little more conservative than she thinks….
    Did I hear her in a round-about way call those Botox Beautys sluts?????
    Did she imply that if “you don’t like my rules” drag ass.
    And Geez. Expecting someone to be responsible for themselves and their children….WTF Helen

    And I also love bacon.

    and for your entertainment
    watch out Ozzie

    Liked by 1 person

  56. For those interested in how Obamacare is working:

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/12/4-new-studies-obamacare-working-incredibly-well.html

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  57. Perhaps some might be interested in the January issue of “Consumer Reports” which has “The Truth About Gluten” featured on the cover. Rather interesting and who knew…!

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  58. Hi, Maju – I’ll bet your daughter knows very well how to take care of herself, at least I hope she does! That’s her job – and it probably isn’t yours to reprimand everybody who doesn’t get your concerns.

    It’s great that there are so many gluten-free products now readily available at everyone’s local grocery store. I’m on a highly-restricted low-sodium diet, due to congestive heart failure. Wanna talk about a diet that’s tough to follow? Try that. Fortunately, I’m a foodie, a great web searcher, and have been able to find, one place or another, everything I need… Including “no sodium” baking powder. (Who woulda thought THAT could be an issue!?)

    My dearest GF for more than forty years eats NO grains whatsoever, doesn’t eat red meat, and has a bunch of other dietary regs for herself. When she stays with us, she brings her own food, and always enough to share, and never whines about anything we eat, or whether or not we “respect” her dietary choices. We could eat chicken mcnuggets, as far as she’s concerned, and she would not feel “disrespected” at all.

    Always glad to see another “porch sitter” show up, and speak up, about something or other. I suspect that if your daughter brings enough kale/farro casserole for everyone, it will be welcome, and everyone will try a bite – I know I would!

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  59. I came here to express my disappointment that in the middle of a very funny post you chose to denigrate people who have serious and even life-threatening illnesses. My daughter has Celiac’s disease and even a minuscule amount of gluten is toxic to her. I’m very disappointed in you.

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  60. Happy Thanksgiving to you Margaret and Helen…..and many more. I love your blog and look forward to reading your common sense comments…..something that is much needed these days!

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  61. As usual I love your post. I agree with everything you’ve said. Perhaps I don’t have an original thought but more likely I just appreciate your insights, honesty, political inclinations, and humor. Wish I’d been at your house for the holidays.

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  62. Thanks Helen for having the guts to say what we all wish we could! Happy Thanksgiving to you!!!

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  63. How lovely! If it weren’t for our waifs and strays TG dinner that we have here, I’d be longing to be invited to your dinner:-)

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  64. thank you for reminding me what sanity feels like.

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  65. […] the whole letter here. As usual, I’m disappointed there won’t be any […]

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  66. Happy Thanksgiving to all the porch sitters!

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  67. I was beginning to worry about you, glad to see that you are still kicking. Love the comment about Sarah, “…she can’t help being stupid, but she really should just stay home.” I stealing that and am going to use it.

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  68. To all the porch sitters and pie eaters, in view of all the misery out there in the world, it would be a good time to remind ourselves:

    This Thanksgiving,
    Let us promise ourselves
    That we will be thankful
    Not only for today
    but everyday.
    Life is good with us.
    Let us be good with life.

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  69. Wishing Margaret and Helen and all those on the porch a Happy Thanksgiving.

    And thank you Helen for hanging in there! We need your voice and humor.

    Peace.

    Like

  70. I always read your blog entries, but have never commented. If I ever did, I don’t remember, being at That Time of Life. 🙂 Anyway, you’re an original and I love your wicked sense of humor.

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  71. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to post on this most wonderful always delightful truth-speaking blog. Holiday Dinner Party sounds like Helen wrote it!

    Enjoy!

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  72. Reblogged this on judyb's blogroll.

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  73. Thank you ladies, for something REAL to read. I agree and wish you all the best……. God bless us all, as Tiny Tim so aptly put it.

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  74. My only remark is that the Sarah Palin ocean thing was a spoof on Daily Current (Currant?). She’s dumb enough on her own. We don’t need to attribute anything additional to her.

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  75. That’s pretty funny. And she has candied yams. Maybe I’ll have to rethink my sweet potato dish.

    Martha L. Henderson

    Director of Major and Planned Gifts

    California State Parks Foundation

    50 Francisco Street, Suite 110

    San Francisco CA 94133

    415-262-4404

    http://www.calparks.org

    Your Voice for Parks

    Like

  76. I had a friend who went on a gluten free diet in college. Her hair got all curly and she had an abortion. Need I say more?

    Liked by 1 person

  77. Like I said. No sense of humor.

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  78. How mean. Gluten diets are not evil. They are necessary health adjustments. No devil worship here. And I am funny

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  79. Gluten issues and nut allergies are just God’s way of purging the earth of heathens and devil worshippers. I wouldn’t want those freaks at my table either. Besides, they clearly have no sense of humor.

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  80. If you find the gluten you can pick it out and push it aside… Haha! You’re hilarious! 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving!

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  81. Better to have gluten free items on menu then to have to repaint bathroom after they leave.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. You have become a part of my Thanksgiving tradition. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to all.

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  83. You have become a part of my Thanksgiving tradition. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to all.

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  84. Helen, I dearly love your thoughts and sentiments … and I agree with almost every single thing you said. But today I am not crying tears of laughter as I read your letter. As I go through a horrible divorce this year, as I grieve the death of my last living elder, as I mourn the wonderful wacky family gatherings of my past, I am so glad someone is willing to welcome me to their table, and allow me the pleasure of their company. I will bring my own food, because my body cannot even terate a trace of gluten. I would eat it, I swear. But who else but me will change my sheets in the middle of the night when I wake up with soiled sheets? Who will
    comfort me when I am doubled up
    with cramps and dashing to the john every five minutes …. Taking gobs of
    my “little blue pill,” Immodium, until it stops. I’m almost 63 (01/07) and I love to cook, to eat and to gather around the table with friends and family. Sometimes I have to eat before I go and sometimes I take my own food. Please offer your family those options. The mindful, thoughtful ones won’t expect you to fix them a separate meal. They just want to be there for the love.
    Bless your heart; you are hoot. But this young ‘un wants you to rethink that “just stay home” attitude, especially around the holidays.
    Susan

    Liked by 1 person

  85. […] https://margaretandhelen.com/2014/11/25/helens-thanksgiving-letter-to-the-family-2014/ […]

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  86. Cheer M & H! I will be texting and photographing and Facebooking our celebration but it will be with pure glee and we have a vegan free zone here 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  87. Happy Thanksgiving, Helen. I’m sure everyone will have a great time, and go home very full and happy. Our family get-togethers are a lot smaller as we have gotten older. There will only be 12 of us. I do make adjustments for dietary needs, though. My sister-in-law is allergic to gluten (carries and has used an epi-pen) and I’d rather not be the reason we have to call 911 and spend the rest of the day in the hospital. My son-in-law is so lactose intolerant that he gets severely ill, and I like him too much to cause him so much pain. So I use corn starch in the gravy for my sis-in-law and non-dairy butter substitute to make the stuffing and potatoes, so my son-in-law can have more to eat than just the turkey. They are, however, out of luck with dessert. Pumpkin pie is pumpkin pie and the same goes for the apple pie. But they both know that ahead of time.

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  88. Thank you so much, Helen. That was refreshing. Wish I could come to your feast and bring the Reddi-whip can or maybe the Cool Whip or maybe even whip up some real whipped cream. Sigh. Thanks again.

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  89. Thanks Helen! Appreciate the comments as always and thanks for sharing your family with us. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and Happy Thanksgiving to Margaret too! Hello porch dwellers, may you all enjoy your Thanksgiving!

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  90. I told my gluten-free sister that she could not come to our house for thanksgiving dinner because I was tired of her dietary needs. She came to the door anyway and I sent her away. On her drive back to her house she was killed in a car accident.

    Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!

    Liked by 1 person

  91. I had to stop reading several times as I was laughing out loud and my eyes were tearing up! OMgosh, I want everyone I know to read this. That’s why you;re on my blogroll – not dinner roll.

    Happy Thanksgiving! Basically at 72, I cook the same thing I made 50 years ago. Those that don’t like don’t have to come…….there’s a McD in town.

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  92. Right on! Happy Holidays!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  93. xthis is awesome!!!!!

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  94. Oh Helen, how I love you. Happy Thanksgiving. ❤ Suz in RI

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  95. Helen, your Thanksgiving letter is my favorite part of the whole M&H year, and I will always come out of lurkdom to thank you for it. Also, I’m proud that we have roasted bacon-y Brussels sprouts (with bacon, apples, and onions in my case) in common as a holiday dish! Have a lovely Thanksgiving, ladies, as well as all my old pals here on the porch. Cheers! *clink*

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  96. Dear Helen, after reading what’s on your menu, I have only 1 thing to say….. can I come to your house for thanksgiving? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  97. Will you adopt me?

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  98. She gets crankier by the year. Soon she’ll be too mean to die!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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  99. Thanks for the chuckle this morning……I agree with EVERY point…..especially the dietary one. Yes, I realize people have real restrictions…..I’m just tired of hearing about them and have no plans to change the menu I’ve been preparing for 40 years……which btw is the EXACT one, down to the three kinds of pie, you serve!
    Have a wonderful holiday!

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  100. Huge love and appreciation to you! Thank you for sharing you – I’m grateful and I know the world is a better place with you in it.

    So much love, Mica

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  101. Huge love to you and all that you are.. the world is a more beautiful place with you in it. Thank you for sharing… always. 🙂

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  102. Ladies, thank you so much. I love your wit and wisdom! Seeing a new post of yours in my mailbox just makes me happy.

    May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I mean it. Really.

    PS… To you nitwits who are picking through the humor here and taking it personally, I believe the ladies have a perfect can for your garbage. I mean it. Really.

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  103. May you have a blessed Thanksgiving. I love you!

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  104. Just the best…………you are right, your turf, you DEAL!! If I’m having a fit (mentally/quietly!!) about whatever has been prepared, I just dont’ eat it or bring my own KWAP!! Love your post, thanks.

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  105. Love the dirty diapers and cell phone rules. But if someone wants to bring food they can eat because they can’t indulge in what you provide, where is the harm in that? Better to have everyone together. Some truly have dietary restrictions.

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  106. I normally love your blogs, but your comments about those who eat “gluten-free” I found offensive to those who have been diagnosed with celiac disease (my husband, cousin and cousin’s young daughter all fall into that category). It is a serious disease, and eating even a tiny bit of gluten (no, you can’t just remove the bread – you can’t eat a turkey stuffed with wheat bread) will cause serious reactions. It is also believed to be connected somehow with autism (my cousin’s daughter is autistic). I reblogged your column, but am going to remove it. Living gluten-free is a real struggle, but a necessary one for the health of many. It is not a fad; it is a disease. Think of it as asthma in the gut; just as 2nd hand smoke may provoke an asthma attack in an asthmatic person, gluten will provoke an attack to the gut in somebody with celiac disease.

    Liked by 1 person

  107. Too funny. I love the dirty diaper retrieval and cell phone comments, in particular. Have a great Thanksgiving.

    Liked by 1 person

  108. Dear Margaret and Helen, Thank you so much for your writing. I’ve been reading it for about a year and it occurred to me that I haven’t let you know that I’m here in Southern California wine country waiting for your posts. My friend sent me the link and now I’m a fan. I love your candor and ability to express your thoughts so eloquently, with your signature humor. Happy Thanksgiving, Kathryn Barnett

    Like

  109. Reblogged this on Central Oregon Coast NOW.

    Like

  110. So glad go get your Thanksgiving e-mail. I’m right there with you.

    Like

  111. Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™ and commented:
    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

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  112. Now it feels like Thanksgiving! Thanks for the laughs.

    Liked by 1 person

  113. Funny stuff!!!

    And Sally Ember…lighten up…this is a HUMEROUS blog.

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  114. Your meal sounds delicious and delightfully fattening. Yum. I think I’ll go text all my friends about it… 😉

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  115. I made bacon popcorn last night. It’s the best. Happy Thanksgiving to you.We are hosting, and I do make some space for the vegetarians, but they know what they can eat and they don’t quibble. No harm no foul. Enjoy your family, and just so you know, I am thankful for you.

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  116. Thank you Helen. You are much beloved, especially for your crankiness. I should know since I’m a cranky old man.

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  117. Have a great Thanksgiving! I am thankful for the sanity you bring into our lives! I would love to sit at your table and enjoy your great food and putting cell phones in a basket is a great idea!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  118. While the Palin/Mexico story has just enough truthiness to it, the original post came from a satiric piece in The Currant.

    Like

  119. Reblogged this on To Talk of Many Things and commented:
    This blog always makes me laugh and, although I make a Jell-o Frozen Salad because my sweetie loves it, I generally agree with the yearly Thanksgiving Letters.

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  120. I usually like your and Margaret’s posts/rants quite a lot, but this one raised a lot of objections. Obviously, you can cook/serve whatever you want on your own turf. However, disrespect or disbelief of others’ eating preferences/needs isn’t funny or appropriate. There really are people with food allergies, intolerances and strong convictions who eat accordingly. Clarifying what you will and won’t accommodate helps those people enormously, so, great. But, ridiculing and attacking them seem unnecessary and mean-spirited, not to mention unwarranted. They can bring their own food, not eat anything of yours that doesn’t work for them, or not come.

    You might be better to welcome them if they do show up, regardless, and agree that you are not responsible for more than declaring your ingredients and smiling, happy to see them, whatever they do and don’t eat.

    Loved your points about the parents, though. Keep that up!

    Happy Holidays.

    Liked by 1 person

  121. Blessings of thanks upon you, Helen, and Margaret and all those gathered on the porch!

    Essen gutt!

    Liked by 2 people

  122. Happy thanksgiving, Helen, and Margaret, too! Your meal sounds delicious.

    Liked by 2 people

  123. What’s wrong with Jello? It’s meat. It is made from cow hooves, and that qualifies for meat if Spam does.

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  124. Helen,
    I enjoy your reading your blog. You have good insight and I agree with you most of the time. I just wanted to point out that the Sarah Palin-immigrants-ocean to Mexico was satire. Although it sounds like something she would say. I guess that makes it good satire. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

    Like

  125. And….last meeting with Julie, and I am bringing you a quiche for lunch (I bought too much for EFM). It is in front of your door, don’t step on it.

    Jenny chased the deer out of the yard, and they know that she will go back inside so they wait, patiently, like immigrants waiting for amnesty, I guess.

    XXXX

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  126. Reblogged this on Hooker's Horde and commented:
    I love Margaret and Helen. I, too, am thankful Sarah Palin never became the Vice President. Bless her heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  127. Happy Thanksgiving Helen. You have made my day. – Casey

    Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2014 08:31:04 +0000 To: chickvet@hotmail.com

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  128. Always the Best… Happy Thanksgiving…..

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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  129. That menu sounds delicious and I’d eat it anytime with no complaints. Love the letter and the people at your table are truly a lucky bunch!

    Liked by 1 person

  130. Happy Thanksgiving, Helen. I was thinking about this blog yesterday, wondering when the Thanksgiving post was coming. Well written and fun, as usual! The stuffing is my favorite dish. My sister in law hosts the dinner and last year she decided she’s afraid to put the stuffing inside the turkey and just bakes it in a pan. Very disappointing…

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  131. Have a happy one Helen. Got my son and DIL extricated out of Texass and back to Oregon again…all is right in my world, and hope your day goes as well as mine. Fixing my Grandma’s taters, turkey and dressing (with a little adjustments of mine)…cook yourself silly, and hug those grandbabies for me!!

    Liked by 1 person


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