Margaret, I am not running for President, so I have picked you to be my running mate. Don’t laugh, darling. We have a better chance of winning than Carly and Ted. And God help me, I hope we have a better chance than Trump and his running mate Huge Ego.
If you plan to vote for a Republican this year, please consider eating glass instead. Between assaults at Trump rallies, lies about Planned Parenthood and debates about penis size, haven’t we all had enough? After all, the worst thing that happened on the Democratic side this year was when Bernie Sanders told Hillary Clinton to stay off his lawn.
Seventeen clowns ran for the Republican nomination and although we are down to three, they all keep coming back. Chris Christie and Ben Carson went away and Trump brought them back. Carly Fiorina went away and Ted Cruz brought her back. John Kasich went away and… No. Wait. Why hasn’t John Kasich gone away?
Kasich thinks he is getting the nomination. Ted convinced Carly that they already have the nomination. And Trump cemented the nomination while talking about our embassy in Tanzayneeah. I can only assume that is a country in the made-up world currently occupied by the Republican candidates. After all, Trump’s Tanzayneeah is as real as the country Cruz plans to rule with Carly and almost as real as whatever world Kasich lives in.
And while all that is playing out, a former United States Speaker of the House has been convicted of a financial cover-up to conceal years of child molestation. Hastert got 15 months in prison which seems like a short sentence until you realize the first Republican primary happened less than three months ago… Feels like three years. But seriously, how many glass houses have to break in that party before Republicans get off their high horse and start realizing they are actually the problem?
Hastert deserves life and the rest of us deserve a break from all these jackasses. I mean it. Really.