Margaret, while God was deciding which state he hated more – Louisiana or Mississippi – the Republicans pitched the biggest circus tent I have ever seen in Tampa and my -oh-my what a show they put on. Do you remember that clown car of candidates that led up to this circus?
Not long ago that car was packed full of nut jobs and we really weren’t sure which one was going to be in the center ring. Gov. Tim from Minnesota was the first clown out after admitting he wanted to cut Social Security and Medicare to balance the budget. (Funny how he’s out but Paul Ryan is in considering they share the same brain.)
Then there was Congressman Thaddeus McCotter who came and went pretty quickly. If you even remember his name, it’s probably not from his presidential run, but rather from the fraud investigation concerning his congressional re-election campaign. But I bet lots of you remember the next clown out – Herman Is that A Pepperoni in Your Pizza or Are You Just Happy to See Me Cain.
I’ll skip Gary Johnson because most everyone did, but that brings me to my personal favorite clown, the Prophet Bachmann. God spoke directly to Michele telling her to run. He forgot to tell her he was just kidding, but this week he did stop by to let her know how much he hates Louisiana and parts of Mississippi. I sure do miss Michele. She was a hoot. But at least we still had Rick Perry to laugh at… I mean with. Seriously, I was sort of sad when he went out because it was beginning to look like Perry was going to be almost as amusing as Sarah Palin. Rick can see Mexico from his kitchen window don’t you know.
And then there were four.
I’m pretty sure Ron Paul still thinks he’s running, but in the end it really came down to Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. It was pretty easy to predict it would be Mitt. After all, Newt was never really campaigning. He was just selling a few books and looking for his next wife – at 46 the current one is getting old. And Santorum didn’t realize that Mitt had already taken his only argument away by switching from Pro-Universal-Healthcare to Pro-Running-for-President. Besides, Santorum should have known if you do your own tax returns, you aren’t even close to being rich enough to be the Republican nominee for President. You have to have at least one or two off-shore bank accounts to get that nomination.
No it was always Mitt. And all he needed to seal the deal was Paul Ryan – a life-long politician who could energize those incumbent-hating Tea Party voters. Like I said, it was some circus. You would have thought, however, that in Florida they could have found at least a few people with a tan to fill the bleachers. I’ve seen more color in a pack of loose leaf paper. The speakers had a litle bit of color but most of it was in their speeches including several Republican Governors going on and on about how well things were going in their States while simultaneously arguing that President Obama had destroyed everything in the other 49.
Even Clint Eastwood made it to the party and he brought an imaginary friend with him. I wonder if he was hearing the same voice last night as Michele Bachmann heard several months ago. But it didn’t really matter that Clint was off message. No one was listening to him anyway. The ones who weren’t throwing peanuts at black people were covering their ears because the imaginary friend in the empty chair next to Clint was saying some really bad words. Bet you can’t guess what color the imaginary friend was?
But the star of the night was Mitt. He gave a good speech managing to talk out of both sides of his mouth and his ass without actually saying much. He did manage to mentioned sanctity of life which is code for legitimate rape stops all sperm. He gave a slight nod to traditional marriage which is code for only one man and one woman can enter into a divorce. And he hinted at religious freedom which I found rather odd considering he doesn’t talk about his own religion because most Republicans aren’t comfortable with Mormonism.
Governor Romney suggested that my proudest moment was when I voted for Obama. Yes. It is pretty high up there on my list. But I was also proud on the day he signed equal pay for women into law. Or the day he ended a war and pledged to end another. I was proud the day he decided American soldiers should be honored regardless of who they love. And again I was proud the day he delivered on his campaign promise to bring about healthcare reform. And you know what, Mr. Romney? I will be proud when I vote for my President again and bring this Republican war on women to an end.
The convention is over and I for one got the message loud and clear – a bunch of white people hate President Barack Obama. But we knew that already.
November seems forever away so y’all might as well pull up a chair and have some pie with me. I mean it. Really.
Clint Eastwood was on? Which movie? What channel? Oh I hope I didn’t miss that one with Meryl Streep and all those beautiful bridges. I love that movie. I knew I should have made Howard turn the channel. He was watching Charlton Heston talk to a chair so I tuned out.
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