Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 3, 2020

To get rid of Trump, we recommend adding a 1/2 cup of apple cider to your bath and then vote like hell.

Margaret this is probably it for us. Most likely our last presidential election. It’s been a hell of a ride. We’ve always voted, but nobody paid attention until Matthew put our words in a blog. It started with that bitch Palin. What a hoot. Along the way we met idiots like Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachmann, and that Muslim-hating woman with the crazy hair at the John McCain rally. Oh, and let’s not forget Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Ann Coulter. One couldn’t form a coherent thought and the other couldn’t write a grammatically correct sentence and yet both were held up as leaders for the conservative movement. More like a bowel movement if you ask me. And more recently there was that horrible Sarah Michelle Gellar. No wait. She’s lovely. I mean that horrible Sarah Huckabee Sanders. She’s heinous.

Thank God for those eight years with Obama or I might not have had anything good to say. But in the end, it all boiled down to one asshat that ruled them all: Donald Trump, the orange yeast infection that has irritated us for the last four years. America has never needed an antifungal cream more than it does right now.

Normally I’d tell you to run a bath and add a half cup of apple cider vinegar and soak for at least 20 minutes. That’s usually going to get it under control. But this particular strain is infamously bad so it might take a prescription strength medicine of some sort. In fact, this strain has proven to be deadly, killing almost 230,000 Americans so far. When you talk to your doctor make sure she is aware of all the symptoms:

  1. Itchy rash
  2. Racist tendencies
  3. Xenophobia
  4. Excessive, compulsive lying
  5. Burning sensation
  6. Lack of respect for fallen soldiers
  7. Desire to mock the disabled
  8. Willingness to orphan and cage children
  9. Voter suppression
  10. Sexism
  11. Watery discharge
  12. Tax evasion
  13. Adultery
  14. Sexual misconduct Type A – groping
  15. Sexual misconduct Type B – rape
  16. Stupidity – All Types
  17. Treason

For the life of me, I’m not sure why 40% of Americans are willing to live with such a horrible yeast infection. I can only assume massive quantities of Tucker Carlson numbs more than just the brain.

It’s unimaginable. Forty percent of Americans are ok with hating the other 60% of their fellow Americans because Trump told them to be afraid. Forty percent of Americans are fine having a President who has 26 credible accusations of sexual assault and bragged about it on video. Forty percent of Americans watched an adult make fun of a disabled person and 4 years later they want more of that. Forty percent of Americans gladly gave up their confederate flags and white hoods and replaced them with a Trump flag and a red MAGA hat. Forty percent of Americans can kiss my ass.

We are supposed to be better than this. We are supposed to be Americans first and political foes second. Under any other Presidency we would all be wearing masks because Americans have always taken care of Americans in times of crisis. We have our flaws, but we’ve always come together when we had to. But under this guy, under Trump, we couldn’t’ even come together to fight a global pandemic. Wearing a mask is just too much to ask. Grandparents have lived long enough evidently because wearing a mask to protect them was just too much of an inconvenience. You have asthma. Heart disease. Cancer. An unknown health risk. Screw all of you because that mask is uncomfortable.

Is this who you want to be America? Is this as good as it gets? This idiot? This orange, thin skinned, balding sex offender? Margaret and I hope not. We both married and have now buried veterans who fought for this country. In their honor and in their memory, we implore you. Vote. Him.Out.

And don’t just vote. Take a friend to vote. Take your adult children to vote. Take your mothers to vote. Statistically speaking, you might want to leave your white husbands at home. But take everyone else and vote like your life depends on it.

Don’t rely on the polls. I’m not sure I believe in shy Trump supporters who aren’t showing up in the polls, but I certainly can believe some of them are too ashamed to admit it. There are more of us. Show up and we win.

Just vote. This is your moment. Seize the day and change the world. Margaret and I have enjoyed getting to know you. But our best days are behind us. It’s up to you now. Your future awaits.

Vote for Joe. He doesn’t itch. We mean it. Really.

(Want more? Follow Margret and Helen on Twitter @HelenPhilpot)

We don’t control the ads on this space. If you see an ad for Trump, remember he doesn’t have to pay for it unless you click on it.


Responses

  1. Happy Thanksgiving to Margaret and Helen and all the Porch Dwellers. This year we can breathe a little easier!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, its not only tRump that is of concern where his mental health and soul are concerned. Its also down ballot like with Louie Gohmert, Greg Abbott and his merry band of plunderers, and on and on. I’m hoping that tRump will not be able to control the Trumpists in this country any more as he sits in a jail cell courtesy of the prosecutor and the Southern District of New York. That will help greatly. Louie et al. need to be voted out and live in oblivion forever more. And no, I can’t see myself even shaking hands with defeated Trumpers like our GI’s did in the Second World War with the Russian Army someplace in eastern Europe. A lot of good that did us! We immediately ended up fighting Moscow-based Communism for decades. I am praying that Joe Biden stays alive and healthy for the swearing in and for the next four years at least. Thats what I go with.

    Like

  3. My feelings exactly Terry. We have eyes but we don’t see and we have ears but we don’t hear. I fail to understand the attraction to this self-involved individual. At this critical juncture when his love of country should be winning over, it is obvious to all that his self love is paramount. However, people still fail to put 2 and 2 together. Let us pray for our country and its future.

    Like

  4. Yes, I’ve often commented that certain people must be worshipping a different God from the one I worship. They tend to make God in their image rather than the reverse. All the years of Bible study I’ve done, including auditing Old Testament and New Testament at a seminary, didn’t prepare me for how the so-called Christians could find no fault in our president. One even declared he thought God had sent him to us. To my way of thinking it would have had to have been a punishment for our getting the message wrong and in hopes that we would wake up and try to be worthy of being called Christians.

    Like

  5. Bacon loving pie eaters on the porch! tRump is holed up and shedding hate no matter what. He is purging a bunch of people in intelligence positions and filling the slots with his lackeys. One of them is named General Tata. No joke! This is to prevent Joe Biden from having the necessary intelligence briefings vital to the security of this country. Frankly, this should convince enough people to have tRump arrested for treason and his poisonous posse with him.eh invertebrates among the Rs in the Senate are protecting him. Lindsey should hauled out in shackles! tRump is OVER! There is nothing to fear from him. He will never run for the office again. He will be too busy doing time in jail after the prosecutor from the Southern District of New York gets through with him.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have been on cloud nine since mid morning Saturday when the election was called for VP Joe Biden. The concept of decency, empathy and caring for this country as a whole, won. I should have left well enough alone and should not have read the article about how evangelicals are crushed that their candidate did not win. Based on the article he gave them everything they wanted and they felt powerful. They are fearing losing such power under a Biden presidency? Power? What does power have to do being a Christian? I don’t know under what rock I have been hiding. But this huge disappointment washed over me upon reading all that. Christ would be disappointed.

    Like

  7. Wow! For the first time in 4 years I am breathing better. After the inaugural, I may even be able to sing! Note for Mike Cohen: I don’t really care if tRump chooses to stay in Mar A Lago after the holidays. He can take his poisonous posse with him. The White House needs to be sanitized anyway before Joe and his family move in. What does bug me somewhat is the shiftiness of a Lame Duck Senate under the leadership of the Majority Quacker. Mitch could always fall back on his usual stuff and insist that nothing be done until the next president is sworn in. That would mean excruciating hardship for all those suffering job loss and illness and even death from the total lack of decent leadership of the outgoing POTUS who claimed he wanted to save the stock market. What His Crookedness meant is he wanted to save the stock market, most particularly for his own stock ventures. He was to selfish and too stupid to realize that the virus and the stock market is conjoined twins!

    Like

  8. From
    Margaret and Helen’s Twitter:

    “Someone who knows better than me, please tell me if I am wrong:

    For some reason by law Alaska doesn’t count mail in votes until next week. They are reporting 50% of the vote and right now it stands:

    Trump – 118,000
    Biden – 64,000

    If Biden performs like he did in early mail votes in other states, he could get 70% of the remaining… votes”
    —————————————————
    Ms Helen-

    A couple things-
    1-
    While some media is reporting the delay as law
    it is not law- it is procedure by current election head:

    https://www.adn.com/politics/2020/11/05/alaska-has-the-slowest-ballot-counting-process-in-america-the-top-election-official-says-security-is-the-priority-not-speed/

    2-
    Under state law any Alaskan voter may vote absentee for any reason.
    This year, in response to the pandemic, the Lt Gov sent applications to vote absentee to all registered voters 65 years and older and tooted up the info that anyone could vote absentee.
    An extraordinary number of folks chose absentee ballots ( and early voting in person)

    While I wish with all my heart that Mr Biden will get 70% of the votes left to be counted it is not likely to happen. Nor are we likely to dump our R Senator- Pffft.

    The urban/rural divide here is backwards of the rest of America.
    Those of us off the road-railbelt tend to vote blue- a map shows the largest portion of the state as blue but we can’t outvote the urban ( or what passes as urban in Alaska) anymore. There just are not enough of us.

    There is a special conceit here that Alaskan voters are independent- most folks are registered as N (nonpartisan) and U (undeclared) (Ds and Rs are in the minority registration wise, esp Ds. )- but most folks vote party tickets.

    Alaska has a set of state legislative races hanging in the balance which are likely to have a strong effect on the federal totals. Rs are in line to take over both arms of the Leg. It would/will mean the end of our bipartisan majority in the House- something we have been rightfully proud of and which serves all Alaskans much better than one party rule.
    I hope I am completely wrong but I think we’ll find we have shot ourselves in both feet after absentee ballots are counted.

    Like

  9. Now we need Hilary appointed Attorney General..Find the rattiest old Greyhound bus, pull up on Pen. ave, load the crooks up in chains..Drive them down to Florida, get an old garbage scow, ship them to Gitmo..Put them all in the same cell and break the key off!
    I have no idea what is wrong with supposedly good folks losing all brain cells and following those slimes..
    Welcome back U.S.A.!

    Like

  10. […] Philpot writes to her friend Margaret with advice on how to get over a bad case of Trump itch. One of her best bits of humor.   Sadly, I read the vote part a day late. Happily, I had […]

    Like

  11. Wow! This really is going the correct way! Joe is already behaving Presidential wheres the Toddler in Chief is behaving just like a toddler with wet pants. This is the biggest vote apparently in the country’s history. I think that is what is scaring the Toddler. He never expected that and he doesn’t know what to do except whine cry, scream fraud, etc. PA and GA look to be wins for Joe. Nevada also looks that way, too. North Carolina might not go for Joe but then he really doesn’t need it. Imagine! the first female Vice President and she is a woman of color! Take that Stephen Miller right in her Nazi little head!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m fairly new here, and this old, white male thing thinks you are great, and will miss yo, if you do retire.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for your always bracing perspective. Hope we can all ride this out and that you can rest easy in the idea that this too shall pass. I have hope in the Millennial generation to call bullshit! Thanks for everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. can I get drunk now?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Margaret and Helen – thank you for another fun and witty commentary filled with so much meanungful truth.

    Like

  16. God do I love this blog

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Helen, Margaret, I know there is a lot of angst going on the day after the election. We need to stay calm and be patient and let the normal actions unfold and let people make sure all votes are counted. The true winners in all of this are the conscientious election workers who are trying to get this right.

    Trump is within his right to claim a recount when the process is finished. Any judge worth his salt will say let’s follow normal processes and not stop them from occurring. Suing is just grandstanding, which is what the president has been posturing for over six months.

    This post I wrote this morning adds a few more thoughts. Keith

    https://musingsofanoldfart.wordpress.com/2020/11/04/keep-calm-and-be-patient/#comment-34105

    Like

  18. You’ve probably seen it already!🤣 You thought of it first too! Love, Jen

    Like

  19. Thank you, Ladies for speaking the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. […] From the glorious blog of Margaret and Helen comes this advice—too late for Election Day but still worth pondering: […]

    Like

  21. Hey, you called the orange yeast infection, thin? That ain’t right!

    Like

  22. Bless your hearts! Its been a ride, hasn’t it! I worked on getting people to vote for Joe. So did my entire family. Right now I’m exhausted. I think I can wait until morning to find out the tally. What I’ve seen so far says its too close to call and all the precincts have not yet reported. Good night, y’all!

    Like

  23. THANK YOU for the many missives of joy and common sense you have sent to us. You have been the highlight of any day you have written. If you can ever share more, you know you have a built-in audience that would be delighted to hear from you.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Thank you! I really hope this isn’t your last post as you say what needs to be said. But if it is, I will surely miss your wit and wisdom. Thank you again.

    Like

  25. Margaret and Helen, your words have kept me laughing and going for the last 4 years. Please stay with us and keep your blog going, regardless of the election outcome.
    I have to believe that Joe comes out ahead tonight and in the coming days. Americans must know in their hearts that he’s the guy who can get us back on track to civility, empathy, strength of character and leadership. We need to regain our standing in the world as a country that cares for its citizens as well as those around the world.
    While we anxiously watch the returns I know that you are both watching with us and hoping for the same result. That is a bit of comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Your blogs are the highlight of my reading. I hope you keep writing this blog as long as you can. AND who knows, you might make it to the next election. This lovely dose of humor and sanity is most valued. Best to you and yours this coming year. Thanks so much for being so sassy, love it

    Like

  27. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have been my favorite emails from the beginning of your posts. Today’s is both a real hoot and so totally true. Along with all your other fans, I wish you both good health, and the energy to put out an occasional post here and there if you can. Thank you for putting it out there for the past 4 years plus, and giving us something to keep us going through this horror. I mean it. Really!

    Like

  28. But I don’t have a Twitter account 😞 I have certainly enjoyed your messages, sorry this is the last one.

    Like

  29. See you at thanksgiving hopefully!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. As usual this makes my day and today of all days I certainly need to have it made. I’ve told fellow Democrats to “Vote Early and Vote Often”! I mean tRump did tell us to mail in our vote and then go vote in person. Maybe he said that because he was messing with the US Postal Service and wanted to make sure his supporters’ votes were counted. Or maybe he wanted his opponents to get arrested and/or have their votes not counted at all. Who knows? This old grandma would say “The Shadow Knows!” and if you’re as old as I am you’ll recognize that statement.

    Like

  31. LOL. They’re great.

    Sue Kocher Cell: 919-302-4521 Email: K9training@graceparkvets.com Facebook: SmartyPants Dog Training

    Like

  32. Thanks Helen and Margaret for this post and for the past 12 years I have been following your blog. I remember being prompted to visit by Andrew Sullivan when I was browsing one day on the HuffIngton Post back in 2008. I am glad I did. You gave me hours of reading pleasure. Regardless of what happens today, you have fought the good fight. You two are patriots. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. I hope she just means they probably won’t live until the next election, not that the blog is finished. If Biden doesn’t win, I don’t want to live until the end of the year! Except that….I broke a tooth last Thursday night, saw the dentist yesterday. I get the new crown on the 16th so I guess I had better hang around and chew on it. I told them I should have waited until Wednesday to come in, that got a chuckle!

    On Tue, Nov 3, 2020 at 4:44 AM Margaret and Helen wrote:

    > Helen Philpot posted: ” Margaret this is probably it for us. Most likely > our last presidential election. It’s been a hell of a ride. We’ve always > voted, but nobody paid attention until Matthew put our words in a blog. It > started with that bitch Palin. What a hoot. Along the way” >

    Like

  34. Thank you so much, Helen and Margaret! You’ve been my voice for a long time now. Please don’t leave us now.

    Like

  35. You two MUST stick around to see our first female president elected in 2024. Really! It just won’t be the same without you.

    Liked by 3 people

  36. Love you sassy ladies! I voted for Biden as did my daughters. Sadly my elderly parents voted for IMPOTUS (again) and I am so disappointed and angry that I am currently not speaking to them. I just don’t get it, I thought they were good people. In my opinion anyone who votes for that asshat needs to have their head examined!

    Like

  37. If you see an ad for trump he doesn’t pay unless you click on it. So CLICK CLICK CLICK!!! Thanks for letting me know there are others like me.

    Like

  38. I hope this does not mean that you are retiring. You have made the last four year bearable many times and have certainly made me smile when nothing else did. I have already voted and encouraged all I know to vote… thank you for speaking out, thank you for being honest and bold! I hold out hope….

    Liked by 1 person

  39. You go, girls!
    Onward.

    Like

  40. I voted right after the polls opened this morning. I am hopeful that it is part of a blue wave to remove the scourge from the land.
    Please don’t stop sharing your wisdom. We need the inspiration!

    Like

  41. I should start a new movement: White Husbands for Biden! There’s got to be more around than just me…

    Liked by 2 people

  42. You two are the best! Pleas don’t ever stop sharing your thoughts and humor!

    Like

  43. Thank you!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  44. Great editorial, as always. As for this being most likely your last Presidential election, I sincerely hope not. You ladies HAVE to hang around at least until Harris or Warren becomes President. That said, keep preachin’ until God says he’s heard enough because your words are right on the money.

    Liked by 4 people

  45. Been following this blog since Palin, and always gives me a lift.

    Like

  46. I have enjoyed your thoughts for awhile now. You are my role model for the next, hopefully, 20 years. Hugs to you both and thanks for all you have done to try to keep this nation sane! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!! Enjoy the jello! Love you both!

    Like

  47. I hope you two receive the Kennedy Center Honors next year when the event will be attended by President Biden. The first time in four years that the event will actually be attended by a President

    Liked by 2 people

  48. NATIONAL TREASURES!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  49. OHMYGAWD, I’ve been handing out dem ballots to people who want them at the polls in Catawba, NC, There is a repub woman handing out thug ballots who refuses to wear a mask and is such a BITCH!! I asked her why she was not wearing a mask and she said it is because she is outside! She is in people’s faces all day long. I took my mask down for a minute while I was way away from people so I could see my phone and she said, “what about your mask??” in a really snotty childish way. Wanting to kill her I actually flipped her off. Yes, a 66-year-old woman flipped her off.
    Sort of shame on me….
    She is the perfect example of a trumpet. Loud, obnoxious and ignorant as can be,

    Liked by 1 person

  50. I love hearing her call him “the orange yeast infection”!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

  51. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face with your frank honesty. We need to send that entire grifting family packing if we want to save our democracy.

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Per the words of the Rush song “Free will,” “when you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.” A key reason the president won in 2016 is he convinced enough voters to stay home, as he won by only 100,000 votes spread across three states. Right now, it boggles my mind that the president of the United States is doing his level best to discredit the voting process. Not only is he not being presidential by ensuring and reassuring us the process is safe and secure, he is doing the opposite, even to the chagrin of folks in his own party.

    So, the president does not want people who do not favor him to vote. And, if they do, he wants to make sure they are not all counted. I do not care what party is doing this, it is simply not right. So, please vote. I am obviously asking folks to vote for Joe Biden, who will try to bring us together. As former Secretary of Defense (under Trump) General James Mattis noted about Biden’s opponent, the president is not even trying to bring us together.

    Keith

    Liked by 2 people

  53. These words over the last year are better than any good mental health supports out there!
    Please continue – fulsome thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Thank you ladies- I’ve loved your commentary and your acerbic, dead-on wit. I’m on my way to vote which I’ve done for over 40 years. It has never seemed so important!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. How sad that you think this is your last election. I hope Matthew will make sure your words live on after you both are gone.

    Like

  56. Thank you for keeping me sane during the last several years. Please continue.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Thank you for speaking our minds. Keep writing. I look forward to each and every post.

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Nooooo. Please say you will keep writing. I beg you. I need you. We need you. Pray for peace as we navigate the coming days and weeks. Is a peaceful transition of power too much to ask? Dear God let us transition to Biden-Harris. Thank you for your informed and hilarious words. I have loved every post.

    Like

  59. Please don’t stop writing. I.have enjoyed your not so pithy comments immensely.
    Hopefully Joe will bring normalcy back.
    I’m sure the ensuing riots will give you plenty of observations in the days to come.

    Like

  60. I have enjoyed your wisdom, humor and truthfulness over the years. Being a former Marine I luv how whatever comes up, comes out. Hope we both still here the next go around.

    Liked by 1 person

  61. well said – as usual!

    Like

  62. You will be missed. You gave me smiles when I thought I could never smile. You gave me hope. I hope Americans do the right thing today too!

    Like

  63. As bad as this 4 years have been, there has been so much good! You , Helen and Margaret, are some of the good. The blue wave is coming! Thanks for doing your part to lead the charge!

    Like

  64. Ladies, I certainly hope this isn’t the last time I hear from you!! When I see you pop up in me email, a smile appears on my face and grin in my heart even before I open that darned thing! I’ve voted and everyone I know has voted and not for the asshat! Fingers crossed we can get back to just being Americans. Take care – Laura

    Liked by 1 person

  65. If you retire, I’ll miss you deeply but I’ll understand. But no one says it like you do! Thank you and stay safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  66. I hope you continue blogging for quite a few more years! You have kept me sane and hopeful, two very important qualities. I voted from overseas, a month early, by registered mail, to a swing state. I hope it swings in the correct direction for all of us.

    Thanks so much to both of you, and to Matthew who started you posting.

    Love Nora

    El mar., 3 nov. 2020 13:36, Margaret and Helen escribió:

    > Helen Philpot posted: ” Margaret this is probably it for us. Most likely > our last presidential election. It’s been a hell of a ride. We’ve always > voted, but nobody paid attention until Matthew put our words in a blog. It > started with that bitch Palin. What a hoot. Along the way” >

    Like

  67. As always, you nailed. And reminded me of why I hope for better.

    Liked by 3 people

  68. Love it

    Vern Hoppes
    Stay safe and healthy

    Like

  69. I surely needed this today! I’m off soon to be an outdoor Election monitor. I will be more than ready to report anyone who is violating anyone else’s rights.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. It’s been a great ride with you ladies! When my wife first introduced me( a bald old white guy) to you I couldn’t believe you’d write anything I’d be interested in. I was wrong! I’ve always been liberal, even more so than my wife, but your observations were spot on and very entertaining! I’ll understand if you choose to ‘retire’ from posting, but will miss your honest and pointed statements. If not, thank you for lightening the burden of the orange crush on our souls. We love you and bless you for all you’ve done!

    Liked by 2 people

  71. As always, you nailed it. I have already cast my vote for Biden and there are three more family members voting this morning for Biden. Hoping this is the beginning of a “HUGE BLUE WAVE”.
    Let’s send the ORANGE ASSHAT packing!
    Love you ladies!

    Liked by 2 people

  72. Good for you, Helen! If this Abomination, “wins” another election, this is likely the last presidential election any of us see. And his followers will line up ready to throw their babies into Moloch’s fire if he says they should, and are more than ready to kill, not love, their neighbors, as he smirks, and continues to pretend he is young. LOL!

    Liked by 1 person


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