Margaret, I am not running for President, so I have picked you to be my running mate. Don’t laugh, darling. We have a better chance of winning than Carly and Ted. And God help me, I hope we have a better chance than Trump and his running mate Huge Ego.
If you plan to vote for a Republican this year, please consider eating glass instead. Between assaults at Trump rallies, lies about Planned Parenthood and debates about penis size, haven’t we all had enough? After all, the worst thing that happened on the Democratic side this year was when Bernie Sanders told Hillary Clinton to stay off his lawn.
Seventeen clowns ran for the Republican nomination and although we are down to three, they all keep coming back. Chris Christie and Ben Carson went away and Trump brought them back. Carly Fiorina went away and Ted Cruz brought her back. John Kasich went away and… No. Wait. Why hasn’t John Kasich gone away?
Kasich thinks he is getting the nomination. Ted convinced Carly that they already have the nomination. And Trump cemented the nomination while talking about our embassy in Tanzayneeah. I can only assume that is a country in the made-up world currently occupied by the Republican candidates. After all, Trump’s Tanzayneeah is as real as the country Cruz plans to rule with Carly and almost as real as whatever world Kasich lives in.
And while all that is playing out, a former United States Speaker of the House has been convicted of a financial cover-up to conceal years of child molestation. Hastert got 15 months in prison which seems like a short sentence until you realize the first Republican primary happened less than three months ago… Feels like three years. But seriously, how many glass houses have to break in that party before Republicans get off their high horse and start realizing they are actually the problem?
Hastert deserves life and the rest of us deserve a break from all these jackasses. I mean it. Really.
Margaret and Helen 
Helen, I think I love you. I mean it. Really!!
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By: Judy King on May 2, 2016
at 10:39 PM
[…] A truly great example of Margaret and Helen’s way with words. And totally on point politically. https://margaretandhelen.com/2016/04/28/cruz-and-fiorina-hope-to-steal-a-few-delegates-in-tanzayneea… […]
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By: Running Mates With Scissors - Bad Girl Chats on May 2, 2016
at 6:31 AM
Seriously….I love you girls.
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By: Carrie on May 1, 2016
at 11:08 AM
How in the name of good sense did he only get 15 months???? Give me a break!!! Can we start a protest somehow? I’ll sign the petition!
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By: tehachap on April 29, 2016
at 8:05 PM
I could have said it better, if only you didn’t beat me to the punch. Did you hear me talking in my sleep? My friends in Tanzania are asking me if everyone here is just growing marijuana or is everyone just smoking it.
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By: Babara on April 29, 2016
at 11:19 AM
I have a woman’s card for Hillary and I am proud of it. Trump is pissing in the wind and it will just blow back at him. Let’s just make sure that everyone gets registered and vote foe Hillary. No, she is not perfect but she is 100% better than these clowns and loves America and the people.
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By: Mary Ann Toth on April 29, 2016
at 10:40 AM
Just reading all of these dry, and bordering on insulting comments makes me wonder who is keeping the Trump ship afloat!
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By: Still the Lucky Few on April 28, 2016
at 11:58 PM
Oh God, do we EVER need a break from these A-holes!!! Great post as always 🙂
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By: Susan McKee-Nugent on April 28, 2016
at 9:30 PM
Thanks Helen! That was a hoot! I can’t stop laughing. You do say everything so well. I was thinking all that and of course, can’t express it as well as you do! Really! Reality is truly better than fiction this time around. This whole set up is unbelievable. Somebody should one day make a movie about this campaign season. The script is already written and ready to go.
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By: Easier on April 28, 2016
at 8:49 PM
Gee Helen I thought Trump’s running mate was Hugh Janus (say it three times fast). Or is that his alter ego?
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By: Kurious2no on April 28, 2016
at 7:02 PM
is always good as , this.
From: Margaret and Helen To: lisamae923@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2016 1:36 AM Subject: [New post] Cruz and Fiorina Hope to Steal a Few Delegates in Tanzayneeah #yiv9947036386 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv9947036386 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv9947036386 a.yiv9947036386primaryactionlink:link, #yiv9947036386 a.yiv9947036386primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv9947036386 a.yiv9947036386primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv9947036386 a.yiv9947036386primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv9947036386 WordPress.com | Helen Philpot posted: “Margaret, I am not running for President, so I have picked you to be my running mate. Don’t laugh, darling. We have a better chance of winning than Carly and Ted. And God help me, I hope we have a better chance than Trump and his running mate ” | |
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By: don923 on April 28, 2016
at 6:43 PM
Oh, I’ve been WAITING for Mount Saint Helen to blow — knowing that in this political climate it could only be a matter of time! Go for it, gal, you encourage us all. If Hillary or Bernie should ask me, I’d recommend you for Vice President in a flash.
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By: oldgrumpysteve on April 28, 2016
at 6:42 PM
Keep on writing, Helen. I just love reading your pieces. I mean it. Really.
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By: just1littlefish on April 28, 2016
at 4:40 PM
I don’t seriously think He, Trump is behind this, just as I don’t think the Clintons are behind Trump’s running in the first place. But both concepts feel far too plausible, given the completely wack-a-doodle way our current crop of wing nut politicians and much of the media feed on and encourage each other.
It’s quite apparent that He, Trump just LOVES “running for President,” pathological narcissist that he is. His appetite for praise and support seems insatiable, as is his intolerance of absolutely anything critical about himself, or anything or anyone he considers in his camp. (Were I to post something like, “I don’t think that’s the best tie He, Trump might have worn with that suit,” a tweet would immediately follow, with something like, “Can you believe that Gato criticized my tie? Have you seen her teeshirt? She is such a loser! Sad!”)
HOWEVER, I suspect he has no interest whatsoever in actually BEING President, if he’s even thought that far ahead. Do you think he’s realized that the President can’t tweet seventy-five times a day, saying whatever he feels like saying? I think not…
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By: gatodicima on April 28, 2016
at 4:16 PM
Someone took over the “Carly Fiorina for Vice President.com” site. It now sends you to Planned Parenthood donation site! PERFECT!!
http://usuncut.com/politics/carly-fiorina-and-cruz-cant-internet/
Peace.
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By: Cynthia on April 28, 2016
at 3:48 PM
Interesting comment about Trump suggesting Cruz do this. I don’t know what Trump is thinking, as I think he shoots from the hip a lot and sees what sticks. I think Cruz is grasping for a life raft and is drowning. Setting Kasich aside, the GOP is left with the two worst candidates they could possibly imagine. In my view Cruz is a worse candidate than Trump as he believes his BS whereas Trump is just making it up and would not and could not do legally or morally much of what he says. I think Boehner may have articulated today the sentiment toward Cruz in Congress. Don’t get me wrong, Trump would be a disaster as President, primarily for his thin-skin, loose lips and narcissisctic persona.
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By: Keith on April 28, 2016
at 3:44 PM
How can a guy who went to such fancy,expensive schools flub his own language like Trump does! Two Colassians was bad enough. It sounded like the start of a totally lame job. Hair Trumpf, the word isTan san knee yuh. What the **** is so hard about that?
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By: mageen in old virginny on April 28, 2016
at 2:35 PM
What did I just hear Fiorina say about joining the Cruz campaign? ” I’m happy to be in the back of the bus with the girls”. Way to perpetuate sexism Fiorina. I guess in your eyes the front of the bus is still reserved for conservative, white males. Rosa Parks had more courage and intelligence than this idiot!
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By: Anonymous on April 28, 2016
at 2:04 PM
@ Gato: Brilliant comment!
So glad to hear from the M & H who have been gone too long. Cheers…
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By: hillsmom on April 28, 2016
at 1:46 PM
Hi, Keith, and others who’ve commented on this “game-changing announcement” by Mr. Senator Ted…
Finally sensing (correctly) that a crushing (and well-merited) defeat has been staring him in the face for some time, Mr. “Caitlin Jenner Is Going To Molest Your Baby Girl In The Ladies Room” has decided to team up with Ms. “Planned Parenthood Sells Baby Parts” in a move guaranteed to win the hearts and minds of a nation…
I wonder if He, Trump put ol’ Ted up to this, knowing full well that nothing short of a move this pitiful, this so ill-timed, and this thoroughly repugnant might possibly make Himself, Trump look even SLIGHTLY plausible by comparison.
Gato
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By: gatodicima on April 28, 2016
at 1:15 PM
I believe the Senator is getting desperate and felt some action was needed. He is grasping at straws. Fiorina is a flawed candidate given how she mismanaged a company, yet she is probably a better choice than Cruz, so it can only help him, but not enough.
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By: Keith on April 28, 2016
at 12:33 PM
Ladies! I’d be proud to be your running mate, but my dog is truly telegenic and would offer more allure! Loved your text. And I think Hastert should go to a real prison, not those country club housing. For in real prisons, they hate pedophiles and he would get his just dessert. Keep the commentaries coming! Thanks!
Sent from my iPad
>
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By: Casey on April 28, 2016
at 12:20 PM
It seems Trump has support from many angry white boys who are still sulking over the world getting too complicated for their feeble brains; and a few dumb females who stand by their man and hate hot Latina women, so let’s get rid of them all. So thank you, ladies, for making me laugh at the stupid folks.
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By: Anonymous on April 28, 2016
at 11:43 AM
You always say what I would have said if I were smart enough to think of how to say it! Bravo….you brighten my day every time you check in with your latest thoughts about what is going on….and why it shouldn’t be!
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By: Sandra Getgood on April 28, 2016
at 11:37 AM
The premature choice of VP was the living example of throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if it would stick! Desperation! Sad! Sad! Sad!
Keep on keeping on, Helen!
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By: mageen in old virginny on April 28, 2016
at 11:07 AM
I just love Helen. She’s such a badass!
Sent from AOL Mobile Mail
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By: Jeanette Davis on April 28, 2016
at 9:57 AM
You’ve got my vote!!
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By: gailcookson on April 28, 2016
at 9:37 AM
Thank you for comically and beautifully writing exactly what I’m feeling about the Republicans. Their side of the primary is a joke.
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By: newyrskid on April 28, 2016
at 9:29 AM
Helen, you and Margaret are my heroes! Thanks for your clear thinking.
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By: Libby on April 28, 2016
at 9:25 AM
A CBC commentator who attended a Trump rally asked someone who was there why the crowds got so excited. He replied that he believed most of them were there to see a TV celebrity (Trump) and that while their eyes glazed over for most of the speech, they got super-excited when Trump put out the “soundbites” and the insults. He also noted that there was a certain percentage of the crowd who followed Trump around to all his rallies (paid, perhaps?).
As to why anyone in his right mind would vote for Trump in the primaries, maybe its his celebrity status and the fact that they simply despise Cruz (with good reason) and don’t even know who Kasich is.
Pathetic, isn’t it?
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By: mapleleaflover on April 28, 2016
at 9:13 AM
Bravo. It is a daily ritual to read which Republican can be more vile than the next, who can make the biggest idiotic statement about anything!
November will show the world we are a intelligent caring Country and we will have a Democratic President of the USA.
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By: Pat on April 28, 2016
at 9:10 AM
Love your posts. Look forward to them. How can I post them to facebook?
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By: betty on April 28, 2016
at 8:57 AM
If by some God awful chance Ted Cruz would become President, does he realize Carly Fiorina would be a heart beat away from becoming President? Does he think he is going to get the female vote by choosing her? Ask John McCain how that went!!! I became a lifetime member of the Democratic Party in 2000 and I’m so glad to see that I made a great decision! I would be embarrassed to call myself a Republican. Everything you write makes so much sense!
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By: julysthebest on April 28, 2016
at 7:33 AM
A thousand A-MENS! As a political junkie who watches MSNBC a lot, I have almost worn out the mute button because I cannot stand hearing Donald Trump talk about anything! If he is elected, I will need to look into moving to Canada….my 94 yr old mom is wondering why her Republican party has totally lost its collective mind.
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By: raptile on April 28, 2016
at 7:29 AM
We mature ladies sometimes have good common sense. Keep on posting!
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By: Portia on April 28, 2016
at 6:56 AM
I keep picturing Trump at a G8 summit…………….GWB was embarrassing enough.
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By: Donna Naas on April 28, 2016
at 6:42 AM
Who are these people who keep voting for Trump? Don’t they care about our country? It’s every scary to think that man could actually become the president!
Love your post. I wish you wrote more often.
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By: Jean R on April 28, 2016
at 6:31 AM
I hardly watch anything political now. It sickens me so much to see what is happening.
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By: troutay on April 28, 2016
at 6:09 AM
Amen, Sister!!
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By: anne64 on April 28, 2016
at 5:24 AM
Some people can be… are actually asking to be, fooled by other people. They are simply unwilling to put down their gadgets, turn off the tv and think. They are allowing the media to think and choose for them. Listen up, folks: Nobody is going to save us, we have to do it ourselves. When we don’t get the results we want from an election, it’s because we don’t care enough to support our candidates. We allow others to choose for us and then complain. If there was a ‘Do-Over’ button available, would you push it?
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By: Dee on April 28, 2016
at 5:04 AM
My thoughts exactly…so much fodder for rational people to shake their heads! Put them all in a room with some guns and may the best man/woman win.
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By: mrsmole on April 28, 2016
at 4:53 AM
Need a love button, ladies
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By: mimijk on April 28, 2016
at 3:13 AM
Oh you are so brilliant. If I didn’t have to look at Trump I would appreciate your commentary as always so much more. So worth it!
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By: NextInLine on April 28, 2016
at 3:12 AM
Always enjoy your take on things!
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By: Vadalia on April 28, 2016
at 12:56 AM
Reblogged this on Central Oregon Coast NOW and commented:
From Margaret & Helen!
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By: Central Oregon Coast NOW on April 28, 2016
at 12:45 AM
Thank heaven for you and Margaret.
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By: Terry on April 28, 2016
at 12:40 AM