Posted by: Helen Philpot | December 15, 2012

Guns do not kill people. They just make it easier to kill people.

Margaret, can we – the American People – finally have a rational conversation about gun control?

It was an elementary school this time – an elementary school with children the same age as my grandchildren. I can hardly bear it. Those poor precious children…

Is the insanity of this enough for us to finally kick the militia morons to the curb and have an intelligent conversation about the real reason for the Second Amendment?

Yes. I know. Guns do not kill people. People using guns kill people. The same can be said about tanks.

I have no doubt that in the coming days we will learn that no laws or gun control of any kind could have prevented this tragedy. There are millions of guns already out there and new gun control laws won’t do anything about that… bad people can always find a way to get a gun. Most gun owners are responsible people who have legitimate reasons to own a gun. So there’s nothing we can do, right?

Bullshit. Not doing anything is not the answer. It’s the problem. I refuse to believe that hunters and responsible gun owners can’t have a meaningful conversation about better gun laws with citizens who do not wish to own guns.

We are already hearing about the mental instability of the shooter – a child himself. And there will be meaningful conversation about the lack of good mental health policies and how that was the cause of all this and not gun control laws. Everyone can agree that mental illness, just like any illness, should not go untreated. So where is the disconnect? Why are conversations about mental illness and gun control mutually exclusive? Please Dear God if Republicans and Democrats can ever come together about something, this must be it. And for those of you who think now is not the time to talk about gun laws, I wholeheartedly agree. That conversation should have happened long ago. And it definitely should have happened before 20 precious children lost their lives.

It doesn’t matter what type of gun was used. It doesn’t matter if that gun was obtained illegally or legally. It doesn’t matter if the person was mentally unstable or just plain evil. What matters is that the most powerful country on the globe must have an intelligent conversation about the manufacturing, sale and ownership of guns without someone screaming nonsense about the 2nd Amendment.

Guns do not kill people. They make it easier to kill people. There are 314 million Americans and we own almost 300 million guns. That is the very definition of mental illness. I mean it. Really.

Margaret, I am beginning to wonder if there are any grown ups left in the Republican party .

I ‘ve been asking myself that question since 2004 when George Bush got 35 more electoral votes and 4.1 million more popular votes than John Kerry. The next day he announced that he had political capital and he “intended to spend it ‘cause that’s the kind a guy I am.”   I swear that man was the biggest jackass ever to live in the White House.

It was so good to see an adult take office in 2008 when Barack Obama won 192 more electoral votes and almost 10 million more popular votes than John McCain. But then the Republicans obstructionism in the Senate started and eventually, thanks to the dumb asses in the Tea Party, the complete collapse of any type of governing ramped up 2 years later in the House. They vowed Obama would be a one term President, and everything we learned in kindergarten went right out the window.

This year, Obama won by 126 electoral votes and more than 4 million popular votes.  Always changing the rules of the game, the Republicans are demanding that Democrats need to compromise.  I hear that  McConnell and Boehner actually bragged to the press that they laughed at the President’s plan.  Just who the hell are these guys?  Even Fox News eventually had to call the election for Obama.  You know what, Margaret? If Obama were to leave a flaming bag of shit outside Boehner and McConnell’s office doors, I’d cheer him on. Higher taxes for the wealthy was pretty much the central theme of the election.  Mitt was against it. Obama was for it.  Mitt lost.  End of story.

How about the Republicans finally tell Grover Norquist and the other wackos in their party to sit down and shut the hell up? I know if we leave it up to those Tea Party nut jobs, they’ll be digging up Ronald Reagan’s dead body and running him in 2016.

The Republicans want compromise? How’s this:

  • In exchange for Republicans agreeing to once and for all  get out of our vaginas and our bedrooms, we Democrats will let you start another war just as soon as you get another Bush in the White House.
  • In exchange for Republicans agreeing to fully fund the social safety net for this nation’s poor and elderly, we Democrats will do everything in our power to starve camels and make the eye of the needle wider.
  • And here’s the really big one – If Republicans will agree to take Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove and make them simply “disappear”, we Democrats will not let Bill Clinton speak at the 2016 Democratic Convention.

In truth, I am pretty disgusted with all politicians right now.  They’ve all gotten a little too predictable for my taste.  Republicans want more money for the wealthy and more war. Democrats want to take care of the poor, the elderly and want more money for education programs… On second thought,  I’m really just disgusted with Republican politicians.

If this is the best we can expect from Republican leadership,  we have a bigger problem than going over some cliff.  How about we just pass the President’s plan?  If it fails, the Republicans might actually stand a chance in the next election.  If it succeeds,  the Republicans might finally have to move into the 21st Century.

Show me a fiscal cliff and I will gladly push McConnell and Boehner over the edge.  Maybe then the grown ups can roll up their sleeves and get something done.  Because how the hell is any deep thinking going to happen if those two  insist on spending the whole day pissing in the baby pool?  I mean it. Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 19, 2012

Thanksgiving Letter to the Family 2012

Dear Family,

I’m not dead yet.  Thanksgiving is still important to me.  If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday.

Dinner is at 2:00.   Not 2:15.  Not 2:05.   Two.  Arrive late and you get what’s leftover.

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house.  This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot.  You don’t arrive at someone’s house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove.  Honest to God I thought you might have learned after two wives – date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don’t know how to take care of nice things.  Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I’ll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:

  1.  The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M.   The television stays off during the meal.
  2. The” no cans for kids” rule still exists.  We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two.  Parents can fill a child’s cup when it is empty.  All of the cups have names on them and I’ll be paying close attention to refills.
  3. Cloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up.  This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage.  Save yourself some time honey.  You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you.  Buy something from the HEB bakery.
  4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy.  That is a fact of life.  Your children can eat healthy at your home.  At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.
  5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease.  That’s nothing new.  Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs.  Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it.   That’s why it tastes so good.  Not eating bacon is just not natural.  And as far as being healthy… look at me.  I’ve outlived almost everyone I know.
  6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.
  7. I do not like cell phones.  Leave them in the car.
  8. I do not like video cameras.  There will be 32 people here.  I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.
  9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids.  I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over.  Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things.
  10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives.  I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too.  I can live with that.  Can you?
  11. Words mean things.  I say what I mean.   Let me repeat:  You don’t need to bring anything means you don’t need to bring anything.   And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said.  Really.  This doesn’t have to be difficult.
  12. Dominos and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch.  That was true when you were kids and it’s true now that you have kids.
  13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas.  Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.

The election is over so I’ll watch what I say and you will do the same.  If we all stick to that, we’ll have a good time.  If not, I’ll still have a good time but it will be at your expense.  In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer.  Drink until it is gone.  I prefer wine anyway.  But one from each family needs to be the designated driver.  I mean it really.

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HELEN:

Margaret, I ventured into new territory today. I tuned into Fox News. It was kind of like going to the zoo… not so scary once you learn the animals can’t get out of their cages.

Just like when I go to a regular zoo, I didn’t know the names of all the animals at Fox, but I quickly learned the ones with opposable thumbs and the ability to reason were token Democrats who had, at some point, worked in the Clinton administration. The ones who liked to rattle their cages and screech at the visitors were the angry Republican hacks who seemed to be, for the first time, discovering the wonders of math.

I was surprised to see so many animals that I thought were long ago extinct. There was angry, old Lou Dobbs plodding around mumbling something about voter fraud and immigrants and Mike Huckabee being all folksy and jolly. And there was Oliver North, Liz Cheney, Haley Barbour and even Geraldo Rivera who now just goes by Geraldo like Madonna, Cher and Cavuto.

Over in a corner in a cage all by himself was the red-assed Karl Rove. Now that one scares me. When they called Ohio for Obama I heard he started flinging pooh and screaming about recounts and faulty polls.

I got a chance to spot the elusive big-footed Ann Coulter which was thrilling. Since her visit to The View, she only makes appearances when no other women are in the room. She seemed pretty at ease in the zoo. I guess that comes from all the time she spent collaborating with monkeys on those personal therapy projects she calls books. Ann seemed remarkably calm considering not only the election results but also the colossal failure that was her last book. Usually she’s shrill and fidgety but sitting there in the cage with Sean Hannity she seemed almost human.

There was a lovely exhibit of irrelevant talking parrots including Shepard Smith, Greg Gutfeld, Tucker Carlson and Mr. Van Susteren. I can’t keep all of their names straight but one of them suggested that the majority of voters are like abused housewives who voted to stay with their abuser. Most of them were squawking about Hurricane Sandy and that America was about to go over a cliff. As expected, they blamed the liberal media for handing the election to Obama while simultaneously chirping that Fox is the most watched news broadcast in the nation. I know. I know. It doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense but it’s Fox News. It doesn’t have to. While I don’t think they understand the difference between Mexican-Americans and Cuban-Americans, they seem to think that any Republican politician with a name ending in O or Z will need to be on the bottom half of the ticket in 2016 if Republicans are to take the White House back.

Every zoo has its specialty and Fox is no exception. They have the largest collection of blonde, bulemic middle school girls posing as reporters with names like Megyn, Gretchen, Cheryl and Dana… many of them openly wept as the election results came in causing a river of mascara that got all over everything.

But the real treat came when I ran across that rare but ever-lovable snow beast, Sarah Palin. She’s a bit older but still very capable of smacking her lips while rattling off those non-sensical run-on sentences like “this election if it continues the way it is going will be a catastrophic setback to our economy and to any opportunity that we would have for Supreme Court justices to be appointed who would be strict adherents to the traditional interpretation of what our Constitution says which is a blueprint towards a more perfect union.” Isn’t she precious? Honestly, I was surprised to see that she had actually survived the end-of-days calamity known as the 2008 election.

Now Margaret, I don’t suggest that you visit the Fox Zoo. The lighting is bad, the air is thin, and reality is in short supply. They haven’t cleaned the cages in years so the bullshit is everywhere. Instead let me visit occasionally and send back reports. Trust me. It’s better that way.

Unlike the zoo, trips to Fox News should probably be few and far between. I mean it. Really.

MARGARET:

Thanks dear. I’ll stick to Ellen and leave the heavy lifting to you. But next time you are there do check and see what ever happened to Mrs. Van Susteren.

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HELEN:

Margaret, it appears that rape remains unpopular among likely voters, gays are people too, and Rocky Mountain High isn’t just a song. It isn’t final yet, but at the time that I am writing this, Michele Bachmann, bless her heart, might not be too popular with voters either. And while he wasn’t actually running for anything, Donald Trump proved to be unpopular with just about everyone.

Once the real news called the race for Obama, I tuned into Fox News to see if Karl Rove was giving refunds. I had to laugh at the meltdown that was happening. Karl wanted a recount in Ohio and some blonde woman with too much make-up lamented about the inconvenient truth of Hurricane Sandy. Evidently Sandy and fraudulent voters had given the election unfairly to Obama. Honey, Hurricane Sandy reminded us that we had a good man in the White House much the same way Hurricane Katrina reminded us that we had an idiot in the White House. And fraudulent voters are about as common as unbiased reporting on Fox News. I had to turn the channel back to the more civil CNN coverage with that lovely Anderson Cooper. Too much Fox makes me itch.

After running for President for nine hundred years, Mitt Romney accepted defeat and gave a surprisingly short and genuinely gracious concession speech. I was touched, truly touched, when he called for unity and wished the President success. President Obama too gave a lovely speech. He always gives lovely speeches. It was a tad bit long and I must admit I drifted off a couple of times. I am old and it was getting late.

But back to Mitt… you had me there, sir. You had me ready to put aside my partisan ways in hopes that our elected officials could come together and find common ground. I was all ready to write my letter to the President asking him to govern to the middle and bring us together. I would get a good night’s sleep and then write the letter in the morning and send it off to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

But just before I headed to bed, this flashed across my television screen:

“The American people did two things: they gave President Obama a second chance to fix the problems that even he admits he failed to solve during his first four years in office, and they preserved Republican control of the House of Representatives. The voters have not endorsed the failures or excesses of the president’s first term, they have simply given him more time to finish the job they asked him to do together with a Congress that restored balance to Washington after two years of one-party control. Now it’s time for the president to propose solutions that actually have a chance of passing the Republican-controlled House of Representatives and a closely-divided Senate, step up to the plate on the challenges of the moment, and deliver in a way that he did not in his first four years in office.”

– Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader

Well Margaret, so much for me giving up my partisan ways. Mitch McConnell is a jackass and the Republican Party can kiss my ass. I mean it. Really.

MARGARET:

Well, here we go again. Honey, why don’t you just move to Kentucky and run against McConnell? I would vote for you. I mean it. Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 5, 2012

Vote early. Vote often. Just to piss ’em off.

Margaret, it’s all over now. I’ve said all I can say about these asshats in the Republican Party. The fact that they would prefer to see fewer people voting rather than more should tell us all we need to know. They’re in it for themselves.

But now it’s up to the people. And there are a few Republican Governors who should be ashamed of themselves. Do a little research on Rick Scott and you will quickly find out Florida has a fox in the hen house.

Go out and vote. It’s important. If you don’t vote you’re no better than Scott and his Republican friends in Ohio, Michigan and Pennsylvania. Their efforts are proof that Romney has never been about 100% of Americans.

I suggest we offer immigration reform in the form of an immigration exchange program. If you are caught trying to suppress or otherwise discourage voters, we can deport you in exchange for an immigrant who wouldn’t dream of taking democracy for granted. I mean it. Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 1, 2012

Let’s vote Mitt off the Island. I mean it. Really.

Margaret, with a natural disaster as big as Sandy, chances were pretty good that a Republican foot was going to end up in a mouth declaring that God was punishing liberals in blue states. Imagine my surprise when instead Governor Chris Christie decided to put partisan politics aside and work with the President to help citizens in need. I wonder if other Republicans were paying attention?

Unfortunately they were, but the lesson was clearly lost on them. Many suggested that Christie has eyes for a Presidential run in 2016 which can’t happen if Romney wins. Others offered that Christie was seeking revenge for not being selected as the Vice Presidential candidate.

Our favorite big-footed gal suggested that Christie “is hoping to use Obama to plug a dike.” Do I really have to attribute that quote to Ann Coulter or could you just tell by the fifth-grade mentality?

But in the ultimate pot meets kettle moment, Rush Limbaugh called Christie “fat and a fool” saying the New Jersey Governor “doesn’t know what he is talking about.” Oh Rush Limbaugh you fat, fool – heal thyself.

The Republicans are upset, of course, because one of their own was breaking ranks and actually suggesting that Obama isn’t the devil. And to make it worse, Obama was showing the country how a well run government can and should handle a crisis which only reminds Republicans of just how bad the last Republican President had been.

But never fear. The Republican candidate for President would not be denied his moment to shine and prove himself “presidential”. While the Christie-Obama love fest was going on, Mitt Romney took the opportunity to show what kind of President he would be:

“I remember once we had a football field at my high school. The field was covered with rubbish and paper goods from people who’d had a big celebration there at the game. And there was a group of us there assigned to clean it up. And I thought, ‘how are we going to clean up all the mess on this football field?’ There were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the effort said, ‘Just line up along the yard lines. You go between the goal line and the 10-yard line, and the next person between the 10 and 20, and just walk down and do your lane. And if everybody cleans their lanes, we’ll get it done.”

Margaret, I bet Mitt made a spectacular Prom King. And if I was thinking about putting on a show in the barn… Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Mitt Romney is a moron. If I had my way, we’d vote him off the island. He is dishonest as the day is long, and he will say anything to become president. And while those remarks might cause some to label me a partisan during this time of bi-partisan unity, you might be surprised just how bi-partisan my statement actually is:

“Mitt Romney will lie to you to become President and he will lie to you when he becomes President… Mitt Romney will do and say anything to become President. Anything.” – Newt Gingrich

“I don’t know how to respond to Mitt Romney because his position may change tomorrow.” – John McCain

And Mike Huckabee on Mitt Romney – “If a man’s dishonest to get a job, he’ll be dishonest on the job.”

Here’s hoping that the east coast rapidly recovers from the most recent tragedy. And here’s to hoping Obama gets re-elected so that America can continue to recover from the tragedy that was the last Republican presidency. I mean it. Really.

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Posted by: Helen Philpot | October 25, 2012

When Did Hating Women Become a Republican Platform?

Margaret, I think my head is about to explode. Richard Mourdock, the Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate in Indiana, said that “even when life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen.” Just when you think the bar for stupid has been set at a new low, some Neanderthal running for office lowers it again. As if God condones rape as an acceptable means of procreation. Mr. Mourdock’s mother must be so proud.

How many more examples do you think American women need before they realize that the current Republican Party would prefer that the Nineteenth Amendment had never been enacted? Let me count the ways…

Mr. Mourdock doesn’t believe a woman who is raped should be given the respect to make her own healthcare decisions in her process of healing, but he does think that there should be an exception if her life is in danger. Unfortunately, Mr. Mourdock hasn’t met Mr. Walsh.

Rep. Joe Walsh of Illinois thinks that there should never be an “exception” rule regarding abortions for women due to health concerns because he thinks women’s lives are never in danger due to a pregnancy. Walsh said that the life of a mother is never in danger because with “advances in medicine and technology, you can’t find one instance” in which an abortion would be necessary to save a mother’s life.

Of course, God’s will to bring life forth is at odds with the magical powers of my vagina according to Rep. Todd Akin, who claims that victims of “legitimate rape” rarely get pregnant. “From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Akin said of pregnancy caused by rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

It hard to believe that Akin, Mourdock and Walsh don’t have this title, but to be considered one of the “most staunchly conservative Republicans” you actually have to take stupid to a disgustingly low level like Rep. Steve King did when he told an Iowa reporter he’s never heard of a child getting pregnant from statutory rape or incest. Here’s the quote: “Well I just haven’t heard of that being a circumstance that’s been brought to me in any personal way and I’d be open to discussion about that subject matter.”

Tom Smith, the Republican candidate for Senate in Pennsylvania believes there is never a reason to justify an abortion. When asked how he would argue to keep the baby if a daughter or granddaughter were to become pregnant as a result of rape, Smith said that his daughter went through “something similar” to rape: “Having a baby out of wedlock.”

And then there is Rep. Roger Rivard of Wisconsin who declared that sexual assault is a crime that is often misunderstood. He said that his father had warned him that “some girls rape easy.” He explained that meant they’d verbally consent to sex, then later accuse the man of rape. Not that it matters, but I have no idea if he believes easy rape causes a pregnancy. I bet, however, that he has equally appalling views about a woman’s right to decide what she will do after the easy rape.

It might be interesting for some of you to know that while the economy was burning, 200 Republicans in Congress, including Paul Ryan, spent considerable time on a bill that would have changed the exception language about rape to be redefined as an exception for only “forcible rape”.

I am sitting here stunned at what I have just typed. As a woman I can think of no other circumstance more hateful, more humiliating, more destructive to a woman than the act of rape… forcible rape, legitimate rape, statutory rape, easy rape or just regular old rape. How have these men risen to the level of public support to represent us in our nation’s capital? And Paul Ryan is being considered for Vice President? Good God in heaven please deliver me from this madness.

The other night, I was watching the news and that horrible Bay Buchanan came on. She was dismissive of a poll that suggested the issue of abortion was more important than the economy to women. It was just impossible to Bay – a woman herself as far as I can tell – that women could possibly think that comments like those above could be more important than what those same politicians have to say about creating jobs and improving the economy. I’ve always thought Bay had a little bitch in her, something I admire in myself. But I never figured her for stupid. You don’t have to be a genius to realize that a woman’s ability to control her economic future is absolutely influenced by her ability to control her pregnancies.

Besides being stupid, Bay shares something else in common with those jackasses listed above. They are all members of the Republican Party with a platform that calls for making abortion illegal without exception.

But seriously. If these men – I’ll go ahead and include Bay in that statement just for the sake of arugment – if these men are stupid enough to have an opinion during the election about what should or shouldn’t happen with a woman’s body after a rape, then they are too stupid to hold an elected office. And if these men have to explain their statements the next day by saying “what I really meant to say was that rape is never a good thing“… well honestly… do I really need to tell you not to vote for that moron? And if you are a women voting Republican in this election, bless your heart, you clearly have bigger problems than the economy and you really might want to consider investing in some self respect.

Before I sign off, let me add one more quote to the ever-growing list of Republican Rape Philosophers:

Mitt Romney says this of Richard Mourdock, “We disagree on policy regarding exception for rape and incest but I still support him.” Romney went even further and added, “With so much at stake, I hope you will join me in supporting Richard Mourdock for US Senate.”

Women, I hope you will join me in supporting women everywhere. Vote for the guy who was smart enough to say simply, “Rape is rape. It’s a crime.” I mean it. Really.

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HELEN:

Margaret, I watched the debate and then I went to bed comforted by the fact that Barack Obama would be President for four more years. I dreamt of a Supreme Court that actually believes all Americans are created equal and corporations are entities not people. In my dream, we looked for ways to increase voter turnout and not suppress it. And then I woke up and made the mistake of turning on cable news. Evidently Obama had won the debate, but Romney had proven himself presidential. Really? The guy with the sweaty upper lip and the mood swings that matched his policy swings? That guy was presidential? Did anybody actually watch the debate with the sound on?

You could almost hear Romney’s heart break when he announced that we can’t “kill our way out of this”. As badly as he wants to start a few, there would be no wars for Romney. And a Republican without a war is like Sarah Palin without her early pregnancy test strip – a little scared and a lot in denial. It was hard for him, but even Romney realized that a debate about foreign policy really should focus at least a little bit on diplomacy and world peace. His fight with Russia, Iran, China, Egypt, Syria, and some place called Mali would all have to wait until after he got elected. Bush spoiled America’s appetite for preemptive wars and Romney looked like he was about to cry. In an attempt to mislead undecided voters, he even had to give up on his desire for a continued war in Afghanistan. Bless his heart, he had held on to that one until the bitter end.

Romney has been campaigning to become President for seven years. In that time, we have learned very little about the man except that he is damn good at telling people what they want to hear. He governed in Massachusetts, but even they don’t want him anymore. In this last debate, he finally admitted that people wanted to hear the truth. And the truth of the matter is, Romney thinks Obama really isn’t that bad. Yes, Mr. Romney, you weren’t going to be able to lie your way out of this one.

I’ve grown tired of pointing out that Romney is a liar. It took me awhile to put pen to paper on this one because I really didn’t want to just make another list of all his lies and flip-flops. Eventually I decided to go the other way – the truth about Obama. Here is why I am voting for a second term for Barack Obama. Pay attention because if you have been watching Fox News and buying the Republican bullshit you might not know some of this…

  • The federal government has gotten smaller, not bigger, under President Barack Obama. We now have fewer federal employees than we did in 2009.
  • Government spending under President Obama has been smaller than the previous nine presidents. That goes back all the way to Eisenhower, and I am pretty sure all of the savings haven’t come from a smaller navy. Those aircraft carriers are pretty damn expensive.
  • Obama’s healthcare plan will save money and provide insurance for more Americans including millions of children.
  • It is now the law of the land that women get equal pay for equal work. I still can’t believe it took until 2009 for that to happen.
  • We no longer humiliate our brave soldiers because of who they love. Despite what we were told, that change didn’t weaken our military. But now that it’s done the odds of a Romney one day serving have increased to one in ten.
  • Obama has actually put in place fewer regulations on businesses than George Bush did in his first term. Fewer regulations under Obama. I bet that’s a surprise. It appears that Mitt Romney, Donald Trump and the Koch Brothers can remain fabulously wealthy even if Obama remains President.
  • We are now drilling more and producing more domestic oil than before. Even though Mitt seems to think every private citizen has an oil well in their garden, much of the increase has indeed been on public lands not just on private lands. Obama finally told oil companies to shit or get off the pot.
  • President Obama has actually lowered taxes. He retained the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy and has lowered taxes for the middle class as well. Don’t believe me? Romney’s tax rate is 33% lower than the percentage of Americans who are victims. (47-33=14)
  • And while I am pretty sure Romney already knows this, China owns actually less than 10% of our national debt and almost any economic professor will tell you that’s actually a good thing.

Well, will you listen to me? I sound like one of those weekend news shows on PBS –factually more accurate but not nearly as entertaining as Bill O’Reilly. I hope I didn’t bore you too much.

My point is this. One candidate is talking about our future – green energy, improved schools, better roads and bridges, sustainable job and pay growth, diplomacy, allies around the world… The other candidate (the Republican) keeps going on and on about missile defense in Poland, war with Russia, mining for coal and the 1916 Navy. Somewhere, anywhere there is a wall that Romney is desperate to tear down. Poor dear. He’s about 25 years too late and Putin is no Gorbachev.

Too bad we don’t have Sarah Palin this year. She wore her crazy on her sleeve, but Romney is actually pretty good at misleading voters. Don’t let him mislead you. He may look Presidential while he is lying, but do we really want to make this about looks? If we did that we would have to include the wives and Michelle Obama is a knock out.

We have a President who cares about all 100% of us. And he’s good looking to boot. Let’s keep him. I mean it. Really.

MARGARET:

My nephew says to tell you that you are beating a dead horse with Palin. He says the line should be A Republican without a war is like a Kardashian without a sex tape. Maybe you can ask Matthew not to attach my name and picture to that one. Two more weeks, dear. Two more weeks and we can go back to working on the cookbook. Oh, and Helen, you heard it here first – Trump is an asshat.

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HELEN:

Margaret, tell Howard he is, in fact, correct. I have never met Mitt Romney. I have no idea what is in his heart. I am just a fat, old broad who speaks too much and probably should keep some of her opinions to herself. When Mitt says: I respect and will protect a woman’s right to choose… Roe v. Wade has gone too far… I am pro-choice… I am pro-life… I never really called myself pro-choice…When I am asked if I am pro-choice or pro-life, I say I refuse to accept either label… I assume he is a liar. But I actually don’t know for sure he is a liar. He could just be a dumb ass who is confused. Maybe I should just call him honesty-challenged. At least that way, one of his robotic sons won’t haul off and hit me… or shave my head like his father does to those who disagree with him.

I’ve read some of the comments here. I get it. I drank the Kool-Aid so why listen to me? I am just a dumb liberal who doesn’t watch Fox News and therefore hasn’t a clue. You shouldn’t listen to me.

Instead you should listen to someone who really does know what is in Mitt’s heart. Let me introduce you to the woman who has been washing his underwear for 43 years. Well I am assuming that of course. She could have outsourced the laundry duties. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ann Davies Romney:

“Mitt has always been a pro-life person, he governed, when he ran, uhmm, as pro-choice…”

That would be an exact quote. It gets a little complicated after that because Ann finds it hard to make that shit sound truthful, but basically she said that he was pro-life while he campaigned as pro-choice . Then he got elected. Once elected, Mitt realized that he couldn’t actually govern as pro-choice because, in fact, he was pro-life. So then, and only then, he let everyone know via an editorial in the newspaper that, in fact, he was exactly the opposite of what he campaigned. He was Pro-No Choice. Of course, now he is back to needing women to vote for him so he is willing to be pro-choice-ish again. It’s confuing, I know. Ann has always had a problem separating her whites from her colors.

Let me see if I can wash Mitt’s underwear better than Ann. Mitt misled the voters. He campaigned one way, knowing he was exactly the other way. Unlike Tagg, Ann has no problem calling Mitt a liar… I’m sorry… She has no problem that her husband is a dumb ass… Sorry again… I meant to say that she has no issue with her husband being less than honest. Settle down there Tagg.

Ann may not have a problem with her say anything husband, but I do. I have a problem that the man running for the Republican candidate for President is willing to lie to 100% of the women in America. After all, it’s one thing for him to not care about 47% of the population, but we are now talking about 50.4%. He’s running out of people to be honest with.

I have a problem that he has no issue with misleading voters. I am proud to be one of the 47% (give or take 3.4%) who will never be on the Romney’s Christmas card list. Yes, I checked… just in case you are not familiar with the religion, Mormons do celebrate Christmas. Other than the whole getting your own planet when you die stuff, they actually aren’t as unusual as many want to make them out to be. For instance, Mormons believe in the Ten Commandments too… but clearly the Romney’s are a little lax on that Ninth one.

I am no longer afraid of Tagg Romney despite my lack of Secret Service protection. Your dad is a dumb ass liar. Bring it on, son. I mean it. Really.

MARGARET:

I relayed the message to Howard and he says that Ann Romney and those women on The View are a perfect example of why women shouldn’t be in politics. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go remind Howard that he doesn’t drive anymore and therefore will have a problem getting to the polls in a couple of weeks. We women have voter suppression methods of our own. And don’t worry about that Tag, dear. I hear the Romney boys just play war. In the real world they stand on the sidelines and send the 47% to do the heavy lifting.

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