Margaret and Helen

Note From Helen:  I wrote this before Ann Coulter appeared on Larry King Live with  Joy Behar.  I am leaving my entry unchanged because I think many of you come here for the humor.  That said, I feel sorry for Ms. Coulter.  She seems so uncomfortable in her own skin.  She – like Rush Limbaugh - is  fine when hiding behind a book cover or a radio microphone.  But expose them to the light of day and they become defensive and nervous to the point of pathetic.  It’s sad really.  But they made their bed so I hope you enjoy this last installment of  my Hell ‘N Notes on Ann Coulter’s book, Guilty:  Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America.

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Ann and George sitting in a tree…K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

Somebody should warn Laura Bush that a certain blonde fiction writer named Ann is really, really, really in-like with her husband.  First comes love.  Then comes marriage.  Then comes Coulter pushing a – oh gosh I just can’t go there.  I mean could you imagine the size of the feet on that child?

Margaret, I did it. I finished an Ann Coulter book…  Now there are six words surely never spoken before.  And having finished the book all I can say is, “What the hell was that?”

Is she kidding me?  This is what gets her to #1 on the New York Times Best Seller List?  What’s #2 – The Rush Limbaugh Diet?

The final chapter is some of the worst writing I have ever suffered through.  Evidently Ann is upset that Michelle Obama is considered prettier than Laura Bush.  What that has to do with anything is beyond me, but she then argues that Jackie Kennedy was only pretty because she looked like a Republican.  Now I take offense to that.  I remember Jackie Kennedy. Her feet were big but not nearly as big as Ann’s.

Most of the chapter is a long list of who Ann hates.  She hates ugly women. She hates most men especially if she suspects they are gay.  She hates anyone who doesn’t like Sarah Palin.  She hates Tina Fey.  She seems to hate everyone in Hollywood.  She hates the Dixie Chicks.  She hates Bill Clinton – a lot.

The final few pages are a laundry list of political assassinations throughout the nation’s history – Lincoln, Kennedy, Martin Luther King – with Ann making the argument that only liberals are capable of assassination.  And in one of the most bizarre conclusions I have ever heard, Ann states, “Based on history, Sean Hannity is at greater risk of being shot than Obama is.”  Oh Ann.  From your lips to God’s ears.

But seriously, I really did finish it.  The very last line is, “They’re not victims – they are guilty.”  The whole book reads about as eloquently and intelligently as that line.  Which is to say that the whole book reads like graffiti on a bathroom stall.

It occurs to me that Ann Coulter – like Rush Limbaugh – is quick to tell you what she hates and who she blames for what she hates.  She never seems to have any reasonable solutions nor can she point to anything she has done to make the situation better.  Ann, of course, has never done anything wrong.   Sadly as long as the world isn’t perfect we will have bottom feeders like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Whenever there is hatred in the world look for Ann in the background saying “I hate you more.”  Whenever there is injustice in the world know that Ann will be there not to lend a helping hand but rather to make sure  she can profit from it.  And whenever you hear about two monkeys and a sloth getting together with a typewriter know that either  another Coulter book is about to hit the bookstores or Rush Limbaugh is having an OxyContin hallucination.

I love you Margaret, but I will never read another Coulter book for you.  Need a kidney? I’m your gal.   But when it comes to Ann Coulter all I can say is:  Free at last.  Free at last.  Thank God Almighty I’m free at last.  I mean it.  Really.

Note from Margret:
Helen, dear, you are peach.  I can’t believe you were able to read that mess of a book.  If I remember correctly, all I said to you was “Who is Ann Coulter and why is she a New York Times Best Seller?”  I should have known this would be interpreted by you as a challenge.  I thank you for suiting up and going in there with both barrels loaded for bear…or should I say, Emu?  You have not only done me a service but have done the country a service.  You most certainly deserve a medal as many of the comments here have suggested.

So, while you were subjecting yourself to that crazy Ass Hat’s book, I too read a book.  Merv Griffin’s Book of People “From Where I Sit”.  What a charming man and such delightful stories.  Shall I send it to you, dear?