Margaret, chapter 5 is a real lulu, but I definitely think Ann Coulter wrote this one by herself. I know that I have suggested a couple of monkeys and possibly a sloth wrote the first four chapters, but this one sounds like the diary of an angry middle school girl so it must be Coulter. You can almost hear her screaming “Why don’t you like me?” on pages 136 to 181. Well, it’s just sad really. You almost feel sorry for the “girl”… almost.
Coulter – who has never been married – makes the case that Republicans lose elections because at least one of their ex-wives is sure to tell a lie about them during the divorce proceedings. That horrible liberal media will then use that lie against them years later when they are running for office. It’s a tough argument to make but fortunately for Ann the party of family values and traditional marriage has a lot of candidates who are poor examples of both.
According to Coulter, Obama only became President because most of the “guys” he ran against were divorced – some of them more than once. Lucky for Obama that he is happily married. By the way, I put the word “guys” in quotes to emphasize another little theory that Coulter has going. Any Republican who isn’t man enough to use negative campaigning to beat a Democrat is (and I quote) “a swishy, mealymouthed, gutless, sitting-down-while-urinating, spineless girly-girl…” Now that is pure poetry. There is no way a monkey could have written that even if the sloth was helping. That, dear Margaret, is pure Coulter.
Throughout Chapter 5: They Got the Sex, We Got the Scandal, Ann is obsessed with the sex lives of politicians. It’s all she seems to talk about. I have to admit that I blushed more than once reading Ann’s tawdry descriptions. In fact, there was this one politician named Bill Clinton who evidently had an affair or two or three, and Ann just can’t stop talking about it. Apparently it didn’t get enough media coverage and that doesn’t sit well with Ms. Coulter. It’s almost as if Ann is a bit upset that this Clinton guy didn’t try to have an affair with her.
But while Clinton should have been thrown in jail for his sex scandals, Senator Larry Craig and Congressman Mark Foley didn’t do anything wrong because they didn’t actually have sex. Craig merely tried to have sex with a stranger in an airport bathroom and Foley merely tried to solicit sex with teenage congressional pages. Evidently getting caught before they were actually able to make good on their intentions isn’t fair in Coulter’s world. Gee. I wonder how she feels about attempted murder? After all, nobody is dead yet.
[If you haven't read the book or don't know Ms. Coulter personally, you might think that I am misrepresenting her words. For that purpose I wish to quote her here without edit: "Consider that Republicans Jack Ryan, Larry Craig, and Mark Foley were all forced to withdraw from politics for sex scandals that didn't involve anyone actually having sex." I am not clever enough to make this stuff up. Coutler does it for me.]
At 46 pages, this is Coulter’s longest chapter in the book, which doesn’t say anything really other than Coulter takes longer to make her case than a couple of monkeys. But if you give Coulter enough pages eventually she gets around to the smartest, most politically astute Republican ever to run for office- Sarah “I saved Alaska from the Russian invasion”Palin. According to Ann, the media went looking for a sex scandal on Palin and didn’t find one. Without a sex scandal to hold her back, Palin is the ideal candidate. Because for Coulter, that is the benchmark. If a Republican doesn’t have a sex scandal hidden among all the other skeletons in their closet then there is no excuse for them not to be voted into office by a landslide. Now that benchmark seems a little low to me, but if your knuckles drag the floor like Ms. Coulter’s, most things tend to appear loftier than they really are.
The chapter goes on and on, taking lots of turns and unexpected departures from the initial theme of sex. Obama’s lack of torrid affairs, ex-wives or salacious emails to teenage boys gives Ann a real challenge. How do you make a case against him if he’s just a decent guy. That is so unfair. But never fear. Ann has Obama’s number. Mark Foley might have tried to seduce teenage boys but Obama compared Palin to a pig when he used the age-old expression, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” Nevermind that Obama was referring to McCain’s campaign strategy and nevermind that McCain had used that very same expression to discribe a policy proposal of Hilary Clinton’s. Ann is quite certain that Obama was referring to Palin because everyone knows when you are talking about lipstick on a pig you are really talking about Sarah Palin. Because Sarah Palin is a pitbull with lipstick… no I mean a pig with lipstick… no I mean a pig that looks like a pitbull… no I mean… I mean Sarah Palin is either a pig or a pitbull wearing lipstick. Finally Ann and I can agree on something – if a pig, a pitbull and Sarah Palin were all standing on a street corner, I would have trouble telling them apart too.
Margaret, I ask you, if a book falls in the forrest and doesn’t make any sense, is it really a book? And if it’s not really a book then the monkey who wrote it really isn’t an author… right? I guess what I am trying to say is this - if Ann Coulter makes up a lot of crap and puts it on a piece of paper how is that any different than what I do with a roll of Charmin after my morning bran muffin?
Five chapters down and two to go. It’s messy work but somebody has to do it. Thanks for sticking with me. I mean it. Really.
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at 2:50 AM
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at 12:43 AM
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at 4:17 PM
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By: Anonymous on November 30, 2011
at 5:00 AM
Scathing logic is very tough to refute though some without a functional brain would not budge even if a speeding train was coming at them. The way you observe tells me one thing that you are campaign material. If the Democrats get you to campaign for them they would sweep elections real easy.
By: Sriram on May 23, 2009
at 4:44 AM
I just discovered this blog and am trying to read it at work. Bad idea. This post had me nearly falling out of my chair trying to stifle the laughter.
You are a wonderful writer and I love your observations!
By: mipartee on February 24, 2009
at 2:15 PM
(((((chloe))))) [hugs]
Good luck with your day. I’m sure she had a wonderful life and she’s glad you have the courage to do what needs to be done. Bless you.
You’re in my prayers.
I mean it. Really.
PEACE ~ Δ
By: Whirled Peas Δ on February 17, 2009
at 9:25 AM
Breaking News!
Chapter six is up.
Jane
Help rural Alaskans make it through the winter!
http://anonymousbloggers.wordpress.com/
By: anonymousbloggers on February 17, 2009
at 8:34 AM
k thanks
By: Werner Oderwer on February 17, 2009
at 8:31 AM
Rachel M.
….
Ann Coulter is so horrid she pushes a devout Christian Republican to run with mortified speed to the other party……….
Do you mean we should actuially support mAnn Coulter?
I mean, even if the outcome justifies the means…. brrrrr, bah!
No I can’t, not even for that…..
By: Werner Oderwer on February 17, 2009
at 8:30 AM
Werner dear…Helen has a new post…please, move on.
By: Nana D. on February 17, 2009
at 8:17 AM
Katie
I have to throw the MirrowMan at you (Sorry Man, it just fits so perfect!!!)
So this is for you and only you, Katie:
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt…
Now your “dumb as dirt post” was a good job well done, thinking of the above………
And please, for the future, spill your mental diarrhoea somewhere else!
Werner
By: Werner Oderwer on February 17, 2009
at 8:10 AM
Werner,
Not a bad idea, thanks.
I’m sad today, I have an appt at 9 am to take my 15 year old lab to the vet to put her down. Poor girl has just given out. She has had a long life and has been the best pet. As her pack leader, it’s my responsiblity to see you doesn’t suffer any longer. Sigh…it’s going to be a tough day.
By: chloe on February 17, 2009
at 8:09 AM
chloe
just a thought…..
Contact a “wider area” (a bit farther than local) radio station (maybe check their website first for potential contacts) and try to get to a news anker (in smaller stations those guys / girlz are more approchable) and see if and when they do peace on the momentary economic downturn (happens all the time) and have them plug your companies name as a positive example who is actually HIRING in these times (post a email link on their website?) instead of FIREING!
This should give you positive feedback and exposure and “word of mouth” has done wonders before….
Just a line of thougt, but one I think might actually work…
And Scott:
Don’t like my postings?
Ever heard of scrolling?
…..This is the action where your webpage moves so fast before your eyes you won’t be able to read what’s written!………
USE IT
Werner
By: Werner Oderwer on February 17, 2009
at 8:00 AM
Sally,
I agree with you. I can remember a time when people took pride in their work.
Now about Joe…don’t think so. He wouldn’t last a day at my place.
Katie – what gives girl? You are seem a tad bit angry! Please lose the attitude and get off of Jean’s back. Actually, I find Jean to be highly intelligent, you I just find to be rude!
By: chloe on February 17, 2009
at 8:00 AM
Would love Margaret’s and Helen’s take on Roland Burris. . . .what a little weasel.
By: Greytdog Δ on February 17, 2009
at 6:23 AM
From my early morning ramblings through the news/analysis thicket:
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Clinton Economic Record and Rising Tides
Source: http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/
A follow up to Nate Silver’s previous post regarding the definitions of progressive politics
Sound and Fury, Signifying — What, Exactly?
(note: scroll down below the Clinton Economic Record article to the follow up post on progressive politics)
By: Greytdog Δ on February 17, 2009
at 6:22 AM
Q: In what way(s) are AC and Katie similar?
A: both are mean spirited little tyrants who believe themselves to be people of integrity
Katie – the apology I posted above has hereby been rescinded.
By: Greytdog Δ on February 17, 2009
at 5:32 AM
Ann Coulter is either indescribably stupid or gets a kick out of ppl thinking she is. seriously…whats her deal?
By: bj on February 17, 2009
at 2:00 AM
Ann Coulter is so horrid she pushes a devout Christian Republican to run with mortified speed to the other party.
By: Rachel M. on February 17, 2009
at 1:26 AM
The “books” of people like Ann Coulter make the best-seller list because right-wing organizations buy them in bulk.
If you join various right-wing groups, you will get a free copy of Ann’s latest book. Seems like a lot of trouble to go through just for some kindling, but to each his own.
Oh, and I’m sure you have heard that Bill Maher is going to tour with Ann Coulter. Based on Helen’s reviews, I humbly suggest that Bill stay home and snort coke off the asses of hookers and let Helen debate Ann.
Ann would run crying home to the broomstick she calls mommy after one session…
By: Allan on February 16, 2009
at 11:52 PM
mAnn Coulter on SNL
Δ
By: Whirled Peas Δ on February 16, 2009
at 11:44 PM
Werner,
Keep on posting.
Jean,
I love your long ramblings on this site.
IMO
By: Honolulu Sally on February 16, 2009
at 11:41 PM
Chloe,
Maybe you should ask that highly qualified anti-socialist journalist Palin loving Joe the friggin Plumber if he’d work for you. He must be clean as a whistle since the Repubs picked him to be their poster boy…
It is a sad scenario though, the lack of good workers. Japan had a huge problem with its citizens not wanting to do the blue collar work, so they imported a lot of middle east males to do the work. This was a few years back, I don’t know how it is now.
Part of the problem is also the mindset of our younger people. They were raised with the positive reinforcement only theory, and when they screw up, they are patted on the back and told what a great job they did. They can’t take criticism, and they feel no appreciation for their employers – they feel that they deserve their pay and more just for taking up space.
Sorry, starting to rant. Peace out.
By: Honolulu Sally on February 16, 2009
at 11:38 PM
@MirrorMan Δ
I second that emotion.
By: ImaginistΔ on February 16, 2009
at 11:32 PM
Dumb as dirt…
Almost as dumb as telling other people how and what they should post on a blog that isn’t theirs. Because that isn’t stupid at all…
Just a prime example of knuckle-dragging ignorance.
I take it Katie gets ignored a lot…
By: MirrorMan Δ on February 16, 2009
at 11:06 PM
@reader:
Coulter’s book was a featured item at my grocery store; now it is on the sale table…guess sales were a little slow (LOL).
By: CO almost native on February 16, 2009
at 11:00 PM
Jean,
I give up. Dumb as dirt comes to mind but that would be mean to say… oops too late.
Don’t paste it all here. Put a link to the volumes you want us to read people. It will keep the post alive. Long comments are death for a post.
Dumb as dirt…
By: Katie on February 16, 2009
at 9:56 PM
Al “the Republicans are going to bury my Senate win in lawsuits” Franken says it best, “Ann Coulter is simply crazy.” She is CRAZY, which may be a neurobiological issue, who knows? The people who give this crazy woman a platform to be crazy (how about the remarks about the 9/11 widows? Shouldn’t that have been enough to end her career?), what is their story?
By: Barb on February 16, 2009
at 8:02 PM
I’m late getting in on the Ann Coulter read but I do hope that any of you who would like to read this book (and/or anythingelse she has written) that you please get a copy from the Library. If they don’t have it yet or they are all checked out please wait for the library. Do NOT encourage this lady by putting more money in her pocket or the pockets of her publisher.
By: reader on February 16, 2009
at 8:01 PM