So I made some calls and found a copy of Ann Coulter’s new book at a used bookstore here in town. I was happy to know that my dollars would not go to support her, but I am a bit worried about a book that ended up in a used bookstore two weeks after it was published. Now Margaret told me she probably couldn’t find a Coulter book new, used or otherwise where she lives, so I told her to relax. I’ll read it and give her (and all of you) a summary here. Sort of a my version of the old Cliffs Notes concept. Do they still have those?
When I’m done anyone wanting the book can send me their address and we can mail it around until everyone has read it. That way no one has to actually buy it firsthand.
Anyway, here is the Hell ‘N Notes version of Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America by Ann Bigfoot Coulter
Chapter 1 - Liberal Motto: Speak Loudly and Carry a Small Victim
Now right off the bat I am a bit disappointed because Ann’s having a law degree led me to believe that she would be able to write intelligently. Apparently she can’t. I know they say that when you write for the masses you should strive for an 8th grade level vocabulary, but Ann must have lowered the standards a bit realizing she would be writing exclusively for an audience of right-wing conservatives. It appears she choose to write at an obedience school level. And even then she barely gets a passing grade in my book. Here is an example:
“Today there are more men who are sexually aroused by women in stiletto heels crushing live frogs to death while talking erotically to the frog than there are members of the Ku Klux Klan.”
Basically this first chapter is Ann’s attempt to make the case that racism really doesn’t exist and victims really aren’t victims. According to Ann you should never help a victim because they are either lying about being victimized or they deserved it. Seriously. But then she does an immediate about-face and says the only real victims in the world are (were) ”George Bush, the duke Lacrosse players, Joe McCarthy, Jesse Helms, Tom Delay, the Swift Boat Veterans, and Sarah Palin.”
Then she writes a few pages dedicated to Fox News which she suggests is the most respected and respectable news outlet in the universe. To prove it she points to the fact that it has higher ratings than MSNBC. There seems to be no apparent reason for the pages about Fox News. I can only assume those pages guarantee her a closed desk when she appears on Hannity and Colmes so her feet don’t show up on camera.
Now I know you think I am exaggerating or otherwise misrepresenting Ann’s words but honestly the woman really is an amazing yarn teller. She suggests the O.J. verdict is proof that racism doesn’t exist and Barack Obama was race-baiting when he referred to himself as black because he should have described himself as ”half white”.
Really. You can’t make this stuff up – unless you are Ann Coulter. My favorite part is when she claims “the poor” are actually counterfeit victims. That’s right folks – George Bush and Tom Delay can be victims but a poor person is either lying about being poor or deserves to be poor. Well I am glad Ms. Coulter has lots of money because when you are poor it is hard to afford designer shoes in a size 17ww. By the way, for some unknown reason Ann likes to put lots of individual words in quotations like “poor” and “racism” to suggest that those concepts really don’t exist. It’s an awkward writing style and kind of bothered me as a reader, but maybe Ann is just “smarter” than I am.
Her concepts are vague and she tends to paint with very broad strokes… sort of like a kindergarten student. Considering Ann didn’t go to kindergarten, opting instead for obedience school, all I have left to say is: Down Girl. Down… Now stay.
Well that’s all I’ve read so far. It was only one chapter but the book reads like a grade school primer so I imagine this series of posts won’t take too much time. Do come back soon. I mean it. Really.
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By: Enzo on December 18, 2012
at 12:15 PM
Rebecca – I LOVE THAT: “Grown women don’t need excuses either.”
No; we sure as heck don’t. Thanks for your post.
Gato
By: gatodicima on October 16, 2012
at 6:27 PM
Helen, I know this is an old post, but I’m new here.
I wanted to let you know that I (unfortunately) know Ann’s high school English teacher, and she couldn’t be more proud of where her pupil is. Apparently this high school is a very well respected prep school, but that just goes to show how money isn’t everything. I could go on for hours about how horrible this woman is, and how Ann makes a little more sense when you consider her influence, but no one wants to hear about that. Grown women don’t need excuses either.
Thank you for your blog posts. You remind me of how my grandma was before her memory started to go. Stay sharp and keep putting your family first!
By: Rebecca on October 16, 2012
at 6:20 PM
[...] Ann Coutler Almost Failed Obedience School « Margaret and Helen [...]
By: Healthy Dog Food « Wicked Blogging on July 30, 2009
at 4:45 PM
[...] of fame review, that alone! The fun starts here with Chapter [...]
By: My Favorite Book Review of All Time « 50 Fabulous Firsts on February 26, 2009
at 10:46 PM
[...] Running Review of “Guilty” Published February 23, 2009 Politics Helen Philpot has bravely gone where no man has gone before, or at least where no man should have gone, except [...]
By: A Running Review of “Guilty” « Kicking Back on February 23, 2009
at 12:23 PM
[...] of literature, Ann Coulter, not to be outdone, has obviously assumed the task of annihilating LOGICAL THINKING. Two – someone kindly explain this to me. And in completely irrelevant news, I love this [...]
By: Errant Sock » Blog Archive » TK-421, Why Aren’t You At Your Post? And, My God, Why Are You Reading Ann Coulter? on February 21, 2009
at 5:48 AM
Helen, will you be my mom? I have a Republican model right now that I would like to trade in, and I think you are a hoot!
By: Allan on February 15, 2009
at 1:21 AM
Helen, I love your posts, but I feel compelled to defend obedience school.
In obedience school, beings who are not wired to understand English learn to comprehend beings who are not wired to think without it, and which is the more intelligent is often open to debate. Ann would never make it on either end of the leash. I’ll stack any of my shepherds against her any day of the week, even the dumb one. I think he’s probably no worse a writer.
By: Erika on February 11, 2009
at 11:25 AM
Excuse me, UAW tradesman, but Joe McCarthy was NOT right about the communists in Government…in the FIVE years he was the Chairman of the Sub-committee for Investigations, NOT ONE of the people he accused was ever convicted. NOT ONE!
get your facts straight.
By: flyonthewall on February 10, 2009
at 7:29 PM
I’m glad that my coffee wasn’t yet ready as I read this entry as it would surely have sprayed out through my nose. Delightfully acerbic. It is now clear why Ms. Coulter “writes” for WorldNetDaily.
By: Alex Novak on February 9, 2009
at 8:25 AM
Helen, I am concerned about you reading the Coultergeist. If you notice fog coming under your doors or your mirrors fogging up, please, please, for the love of God, throw the book in the fireplace!!!!
If none of that happens, however, I’d realy love to know why all of these conservatives are so very nasty. Given that they are all bible thumping “Christians” and therefore “better” than we are because they are “real” Americans, why are they so different from Jesus who, at least from a cursory review of the Bible, appeared non-judgmental, kind and compassionate?
I’d like to know, really.
By: Catherine on February 5, 2009
at 6:47 PM
Recently, while browsing at the Borders in downtown DC, I picked the book up and randomly opened and read… the erotic frogs quote!! I was laughing like a fool. I read it and read it again. It could only have been written by someone on acid. Do you think Arnie does acid? Thanks for the excellent work. I was going to try to find this book at a used book store and read it…. but now I don’t have to!! Thanks so Much!!!
By: Papa Bonk on February 5, 2009
at 6:23 PM
Morning Y’all,
Here’s another link……
http://anonymousbloggers.wordpress.com/life-without-running-water-in-nunam-iqua-alaska/
Enjoy!
Ann S.
By: Struggling_in_Nunam_Iqua on February 5, 2009
at 1:49 PM
lol i can’t write intelligently either!lol ann has stirred several debates on our blog as well.
enjoyed your post here! well written and concise!
By: Lawman2 on February 2, 2009
at 8:14 AM
JuneauJoe….Oh, yes. I remember trickle down economics! It was one of the Reagan capstones. Basis of the Bush tax cuts…if you reduce/eliminate the taxes for the rich, they in turn will create jobs downstream.
Isn’t that the same line that prosperity preachers use?
By: txindygirl on February 1, 2009
at 10:10 PM
Discovered you a few months ago…I’ve gone back and read, I think, ALL the old posts (RARELY have I ever done that, but they are PRICELESS and I couldn’t stop myself!)… LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog. God bless you both… you are angels. Did I really read that one of you is from Texas? I’m fear I’m deep in Team Sarah country, but just knowing you are near is calming. LOL. I see some Mudflats posters here too!!!! Another anchor in the storm. Thanks again for putting all your great thoughts out there.
By: txindygirl on February 1, 2009
at 9:57 PM
[...] Ann Coutler Almost Failed Obedience School blog name Margaret and Helen [...]
By: TradersGroup » Blog Archive » Bloggers Helping Bloggers on February 1, 2009
at 6:40 PM
The piss on theory started with Reagan and the conservative Republicans have held to it ever since…if you help the wealthy continue to be wealthier then they will spend money which will help everyone else’s situation below them. It is like a rising ship rises for everyone instead of building a strong foundation from the ground up.
That is a very simplistic explination but even when I first heard it back in college, it sounded absurd to me. It still sound absurd…
Perhaps the Conservative/Reagan/Neo-Cons are actually just DaDaist Performance Artists???
By: Charles on February 1, 2009
at 12:38 PM
I have a short memory:
Could someone refresh me on the:
TRICKLE ON THEORY
I think it was Bush/Cheney or Reagan or someone who thought they being on a big building peeing on those of us below would make our lives better? Help.
Coulter and Rush like to trickle on folks too.
By: JuneauJoe Δ on February 1, 2009
at 12:26 PM