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Posted by: Helen Philpot | November 9, 2007

Thanksgiving Letter to the Family

As punishment for attending or sending your children to attend some odd little college is some odd little town in the middle of nowhere, you have to come to our house for thanksgiving.  We are conveniently located just a few miles from a great university located in the capital city of Texas.

Hey, I didn’t make the maps.  It seems that college station is closer to my house than maw maw and paw paw’s house, so dinner is here. Sarah already has her outfit(s).

Harold and I want you to know that the house is really not new to us anymore so we plan to “chill” compared to the last time all 200 of you stopped by. Big Red, however, is still not allowed.  Everything else is open for negotiation.  Except Sylvia.  Sylvia is definitely not allowed.  And Brian.  Sylvia and Brian are definitely not allowed.  And dogs that pee on furniture or carpet.  Sylvia, Brian and dogs with weak bladders.  And Uncle Harvey.

Oh and also, it should be pointed out that Mary is as big as a house, so she needs to stay outside, but don’t say anything to her about her enormous girth as Trudy says it makes her very bitchy…Mary bitchy not Trudy…well then again…

Also, don’t ask Sarah about her goldfish as we haven’t told her yet that I accidentally killed all of them last week.  She hasn’t noticed yet…a testament to her ability to love something without actually caring if it even exists anymore.

If you want to bring something, please bring little nibbly things that don’t need to be cooked.  I will have all the cooking equipment in use to make turkey, ham, yams, corn, potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, peas, salad, gravy, and rolls.

Might I suggest we start a new tradition of bringing appetizers so that we are happily stuffed before we even begin the meal.  Cheese, crackers, dips, spreads, chips, un-cooked meat stuff from little towns near castroville, cookies, pies, assorted nuts, etc.  Also, bring your favorite beer.  Alternatively bring $20 and buy your way out of doing anything at all taking the
very good chance that I will already have it in stock anyway.

We have three beds and a lot of floorspace.  First come, first served.

See you soon.

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  1. шокер
    электрошокер

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  2. […] sure to read her Thanksgiving Letter to the Family. Thank you for reading my blog. Although writing is a creative outlet and intellectual balm, I […]

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  3. […] ones people send out with their Christmas cards.  To read the letter she sent out last year click here. ] Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)What did you say?it’s that time of […]

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  4. LMAO! Thank you for pointing out the realities of the “Horror-days”. Yeah, its nice to get the whole family together for a huge feast but, let’s be real, it can be stressful. Most folks are so enamored with that image of one big happy family sitting around the dining room table that they loose sight of reality while trying to create this fantasy. Everyone has that ONE (or more) family member that seems to spoil the fun for everyone else. Damn it! Leave their monkey-asses home! Invite them some other time. I know, I know family always stick together. well screw it! we’ll stick some other time, not when i’m trying to enjoy delicious food with good people on my day off work.
    I love your straight forward approach about who you didn’t want coming to dinner (i assume they are human since you mentioned the dogs with bladder issues). I also like the way you laid down the rules of engagement regarding food. You don’t come across mean or hateful, just honest. I can still sense that you love your kin. I think if more folks were honest like you, we would have less families sitting in therapy.

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  5. JOHN McCAIN TOOK NONE (EARMARKS) OR ASKED FOR ANY IN HIS 26YEARS.

    Oh, contrare, but he did. He’s just smarter than the average “Joe.” McInsane put his earmarks through places like the Dept. of Interior and others thus circumventing the normal system and working under the radar. Crafty old man.

    How about the latest. McInsane is head of the Commerce Commission, Verizon put up three FREE towers on his AZ property and his campaign manager is a lobbyist for Verizon. If he loses, I’m betting those towers will disappear overnight to avoid another embarrassing scandal for McInsane.

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  6. Can I come to your house on thanksgiving?

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  7. This commentary reminds me of the Thanksgiving we spent at the home of an uncle and aunt of my husband in Oklahoma. The whole clan showed (about 60) and the kitchen was buzzing with all the women talking or cooking while the men watched football…probably OSU. The amusing part was the fact that one family was given the task of bringing Grandma to the house with instructions to take the REALLY long route so Grandma wouldn’t make it time to “help.” Talk about one pissed off old woman when they finally arrived! Ah good times.

    I like this blog, but I wish people would keep the political comments on the proper posts and not intrude on the other posts. Just a thought.

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  8. My son is hosting Thanksgiving this year for the first time. Should be an experience to remember since he likes to cook and maybe a new tradition. Hey son, I’m looking forward to it!!

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  9. I think I love you and I totally want to come to your house for Thanksgiving! :)

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  10. OOps—I mean I want to read Margarets blog too!!!!

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  11. I want to read Helens blog too—-

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  12. Oh I want to come to your house for Thanksgiving! I make great Parmesan crackers, which are just Parmesan cheese grated, piled in small lumps like cookies and baked until they spread out thin and brown and crispy (thought that in exchange for barging in, I’d at least bring a recipe).

    To Grandma, McCain has gotten plenty of earmarks, and earmarking isn’t necessarily bad—it was a simplistic position that sounds good but breaks down when you examine it more closely. It’s a tiny percent of the federal budget, and some earmarks are ludicrous and some are very needed.

    What a great blog, Helen! Happy Thanksgiving. I think we’ll have a lot to be grateful for.

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  13. Ah, Turkey Day is not far away. One of my favorite holidays. This post from a year ago has me craving the poultry.

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  14. Love it!

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  15. Hey Grandma–Your beloved John McInsane called is lovely wife a “trollop and a cunt” in public. How’s THAT for a potty mouthed senior? He called a high school student a “little jerk” How’s THAT for leadership? The example Saracuda the Corpse Bride sets for us by keeping her mentally retarded infant out in front of the tv cameras at 11pm and parading her 17 year old unwed pregnant daughter in fromt of the media .. now THERE’S something we can all respect. Yeah! GO SARAH! Go straight to hell and take that whacko McInsane with you!

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  16. Yes! Yes! Yes! Love your blog and your writing is irresistible. More please…more! (I even “get” your political stuff…and I’m a Canadian, now resident in the UK) so it’s gotta be good!

    Rock on grandmas! Oh and Happy Thanksgiving.

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  17. Helen and Margart—-your look on life and politics is wonderful. Love strong women who will tell you how it is because that was the kind of women I grew up with.

    Keep this wonderful blog going

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  18. I love your writing, I SO hope you keep it going past the election. The world needs wise women like you, Helen & Margaret! Keep on talking! Keep hope alive!

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  19. YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO THE FACT THAT ALL YOUR HERO’S TOOK FAR TOO MANY EAR MARKS THAT WASTED OUR MONEY AND YOU STILL FOLLOW THEM. JOHN McCAIN TOOK NONE OR ASKED FOR ANY IN HIS 26YEARS. WHERE DO YOU THINK ALL THIS MONEY COMES FROM FOR THESE SO CALLED PROGRAMS? THE AMERICAN WORKERS PAY WE ARE ALL TAXED UPON TAX. AND THEY WASTE IT IN THESE PROGRAMS TO HELP THEMSELVES. YOU CALL THAT GOOD GOVERMENT, WELL I DO NOT AND IT HAS TO STOP LOOK AT THIS MESS NOW IT DID NOT START IN THE LAST 10YEARS IT GOES BEYOND THAT WE ARE ALWAYS SPENDING MONEY WE DO NOT HAVE AND NOW IT HAS CAUGHT UP WITH US….GO SARAH

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  20. I came for the political commentary but stayed for the rare wit! thank you!

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  21. I am enjoying your blog so much, even the parts I don’t understand. I hope your family has a great Thanksgiving! GO OBama!!!!!

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  22. “a testament to her ability to love something without actually caring if it even exists anymore.”

    This is actually very profound….It applies to so many aspects in life…..
    I really like it….It might be the quote for my board next week :)

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  23. I’ve taken over hosting Thanksgiving since my mom moved into a senior apartment. But I enjoyed this post — and the SP one, too!

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  24. Mmm, sounds like Helen’s got somethin’ cookin’! Thanksgiving at your house is nearly at the epicenter between my parents’, two sets of grandparents’ and aunt’s homes. Can I come this year?

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  25. I’d really like to know what Sylvia and Brian did…

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  26. Right ON!!! WOO!!!!

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  27. You are never allowed to give that child a dog….R.I.P. tiny goldfish R.I.P.

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  28. oh…my.

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