As punishment for attending or sending your children to attend some odd little college is some odd little town in the middle of nowhere, you have to come to our house for thanksgiving. We are conveniently located just a few miles from a great university located in the capital city of Texas.
Hey, I didn’t make the maps. It seems that college station is closer to my house than maw maw and paw paw’s house, so dinner is here. Sarah already has her outfit(s).
Harold and I want you to know that the house is really not new to us anymore so we plan to “chill” compared to the last time all 200 of you stopped by. Big Red, however, is still not allowed. Everything else is open for negotiation. Except Sylvia. Sylvia is definitely not allowed. And Brian. Sylvia and Brian are definitely not allowed. And dogs that pee on furniture or carpet. Sylvia, Brian and dogs with weak bladders. And Uncle Harvey.
Oh and also, it should be pointed out that Mary is as big as a house, so she needs to stay outside, but don’t say anything to her about her enormous girth as Trudy says it makes her very bitchy…Mary bitchy not Trudy…well then again…
Also, don’t ask Sarah about her goldfish as we haven’t told her yet that I accidentally killed all of them last week. She hasn’t noticed yet…a testament to her ability to love something without actually caring if it even exists anymore.
If you want to bring something, please bring little nibbly things that don’t need to be cooked. I will have all the cooking equipment in use to make turkey, ham, yams, corn, potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, peas, salad, gravy, and rolls.
Might I suggest we start a new tradition of bringing appetizers so that we are happily stuffed before we even begin the meal. Cheese, crackers, dips, spreads, chips, un-cooked meat stuff from little towns near castroville, cookies, pies, assorted nuts, etc. Also, bring your favorite beer. Alternatively bring $20 and buy your way out of doing anything at all taking the
very good chance that I will already have it in stock anyway.
We have three beds and a lot of floorspace. First come, first served.
See you soon.
шокер
электрошокер
By: tariely on March 15, 2010
at 7:21 AM
[...] sure to read her Thanksgiving Letter to the Family. Thank you for reading my blog. Although writing is a creative outlet and intellectual balm, I [...]
By: Helen Speaks Her Mind | Onedia In The Ozarks on November 29, 2008
at 5:15 PM
[...] ones people send out with their Christmas cards. To read the letter she sent out last year click here. ] Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)What did you say?it’s that time of [...]
By: Thankgiving Letter to the Family 2008 « Margaret and Helen on November 23, 2008
at 11:59 PM
LMAO! Thank you for pointing out the realities of the “Horror-days”. Yeah, its nice to get the whole family together for a huge feast but, let’s be real, it can be stressful. Most folks are so enamored with that image of one big happy family sitting around the dining room table that they loose sight of reality while trying to create this fantasy. Everyone has that ONE (or more) family member that seems to spoil the fun for everyone else. Damn it! Leave their monkey-asses home! Invite them some other time. I know, I know family always stick together. well screw it! we’ll stick some other time, not when i’m trying to enjoy delicious food with good people on my day off work.
I love your straight forward approach about who you didn’t want coming to dinner (i assume they are human since you mentioned the dogs with bladder issues). I also like the way you laid down the rules of engagement regarding food. You don’t come across mean or hateful, just honest. I can still sense that you love your kin. I think if more folks were honest like you, we would have less families sitting in therapy.
By: A on October 31, 2008
at 1:32 PM
JOHN McCAIN TOOK NONE (EARMARKS) OR ASKED FOR ANY IN HIS 26YEARS.
Oh, contrare, but he did. He’s just smarter than the average “Joe.” McInsane put his earmarks through places like the Dept. of Interior and others thus circumventing the normal system and working under the radar. Crafty old man.
How about the latest. McInsane is head of the Commerce Commission, Verizon put up three FREE towers on his AZ property and his campaign manager is a lobbyist for Verizon. If he loses, I’m betting those towers will disappear overnight to avoid another embarrassing scandal for McInsane.
By: Sherry on October 23, 2008
at 8:21 AM
Can I come to your house on thanksgiving?
By: Mary on October 22, 2008
at 10:14 PM
This commentary reminds me of the Thanksgiving we spent at the home of an uncle and aunt of my husband in Oklahoma. The whole clan showed (about 60) and the kitchen was buzzing with all the women talking or cooking while the men watched football…probably OSU. The amusing part was the fact that one family was given the task of bringing Grandma to the house with instructions to take the REALLY long route so Grandma wouldn’t make it time to “help.” Talk about one pissed off old woman when they finally arrived! Ah good times.
I like this blog, but I wish people would keep the political comments on the proper posts and not intrude on the other posts. Just a thought.
By: Deb in Georgia on October 20, 2008
at 10:46 AM
My son is hosting Thanksgiving this year for the first time. Should be an experience to remember since he likes to cook and maybe a new tradition. Hey son, I’m looking forward to it!!
By: Flo on October 20, 2008
at 8:47 AM